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  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • - We're going to build a ramp to get

  • over this wall and into America.

  • We're going to make those gun-toting,

  • hot dog-eating Americans build

  • and pay for the ramp.

  • Make Mexico bueno again.

  • (audience cheering)

  • Gracias.

  • Gracias.

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • - It feels like there are short, meaty spiders on my back.

  • (calm guitar music)

  • - That's not a meat spider.

  • That's my fingers.

  • (clicking)

  • - I've been told I'm a great misogynist.

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • So many wildlings are entering

  • the seven kingdoms illegally.

  • We must build a wall.

  • - We already have a wall.

  • It's called The Wall.

  • - Then build two walls.

  • Build a ceiling.

  • Build a moat and a fence.

  • Also, we need to take off

  • all these stupid coats.

  • There is no scientific evidence that winter is coming.

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • Radical Islam.

  • - No.

  • Starts with a D, ends with a G.

  • - Radical Islam.

  • - No, man.

  • I'll give you a hint.

  • Who peed on the rug?

  • - Radical Islam.

  • (exasperated sigh)

  • - Who humped your leg?

  • - Radical Islam.

  • - Who's man's best friend?

  • - You know, it doesn't make sense,

  • but I'm going to say Radical Islam.

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • Look, it's a great wall.

  • Now I have a rope.

  • It's the best rope.

  • - Shouldn't you be silent?

  • - Hey!

  • That's right.

  • So let the mime do what he does best, okay?

  • Shut your stupid mouth.

  • Alright, look, it's an invisible

  • glass ceiling over you.

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • - Give me directions to the nearest Wendy's restaurant.

  • - We're gonna go get to Wendy.

  • And it's gonna be so great.

  • - I need directions!

  • Directions!

  • - Listen, my African American

  • we're gonna talk to Wendy

  • and we're gonna get eight chicken nuggets and a Frostie.

  • It's gonna be free because my friend,

  • the Burger King, is gonna pay for it.

  • - The Burger King isn't even a real person!

  • And I still don't know how to get there!

  • - We did it, everyone.

  • - We did what?

  • - It.

  • - Are you...?

  • Come on, Donald!

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • - [Customer] Hey my man,

  • could I get four pounds of your finest shredded

  • jalepeño jack cheese?

  • - We don't sell shredded cheese.

  • We only sell blocks.

  • Because

  • I want to make America grate again.

  • (cheese grating)

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • Your honor,

  • you're a whore.

  • (gavel banging)

  • - Guilty!

  • - Success. We did it.

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • (fun music)

  • I got your nose and I'm not going to give it back.

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • Give me back my nose you fat looser.

  • All clowns are crooked thieves.

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • One Step At A Time

  • In the blink of an eye

  • ♫ I'm learning to live

  • ♫ I'm learning to fly

  • (marching band music)

  • (bell dings)

  • - I have no idea what I'm doing.

  • I should have dropped out of this race a long time ago.

  • I never thought it would get this far.

  • But my crippling insecurities are preventing me

  • from dropping out of the race.

  • I hate women because they hate me

  • and my disgusting flabby body

  • and my tiny little hands.

  • Okay.

  • I call blacks and Mexicans thieves

  • to throw suspicion off myself

  • because I am the real thief.

  • No matter how much I pay my wife,

  • she hasn't had sex with me in years.

  • Also, based off my marital history,

  • it is abundantly clear

  • that I am a whore.

  • (marching band music)

  • - [Trump] Thanks so much for watching.

  • I know you loved it.

  • To watch bloopers and deleted scenes,

  • click that box on the left.

  • To watch every election ever,

  • click the box on the right.

  • You're gonna do it.

  • And you're gonna like it.

  • I know you will.

(marching band music)

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B1 US marching band marching band bell music islam

WHAT IF DONALD TRUMP...

  • 283 8
    何庭昀 posted on 2016/10/30
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