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A lot of people tend to be really
scared of small talk.
They don't wanna end up in awkward
situations where they don't
know what to say.
>> Yeah,
how bout them Dodgers, though?
[MUSIC]
>> Hey everybody, welcome back to
another video from Think Tank with
Hannah Cranston and John Iadarola.
We're gonna have a little bit of
awkward small talk bout small talk.
>> Yeah.
>> So sometimes you will be out
there and the natural inclination
for a lot of humans, despite the
fact that we are social creatures
is to just wanna go through your
day without interacting with
people you don't know.
I think that's very natural.
>> I like to go through my day
without interacting with
any people.
Doesn't matter if I know them or
strangers.
>> Especially the people I don't.
Yeah, and so that's very often how
I feel and various strategies have
been developed to help people cope
with this.
Whether they think they should fix
it or not, there are benefits to
talking to people you don't know.
And so we're gonna talk about some
the advice from a book by Kio Stark
called When Strangers Meet,
How People You Don't Know
Can Transform You.
And so
one of the easy sort of short cuts
to small talk that hopefully avoids
some of the how's the weather, how
are the Dodgers type things is to
find a third thing that both of you
can be in a relation to and form
a conversational triangle out of.
So there's you, there's a stranger,
there's some third thing that you
both might see and comment on,
like a piece of public art or
somebody preaching in the street or
somebody wearing funny clothes.
So basically- >> Just make fun of
somebody else.
>> Yeah.
>> Just throw all of
the awkwardness on to that person.
Be like, that person's an idiot!
Am I right?
Am I right? Am I right? >> Well,
if there isn't a third person
wearing funny clothes,
make fun of their clothes.
>> Yeah, that's good.
>> And then they have to
defend themselves.
>> It does break the ice.
It's not gonna be positive, but
it does break the ice.
>> Really.
So look, I will say from my
personal experience,
although I generally am very much
in the camp of when I'm outside and
trying to do something.
I'm not just let's go and
see what happens about town and
maybe I'll meet a nice chap.
And maybe I'll have a latte and
then things will happen.
>> No, I'm here- >> That sounds
like a great day.
>> I need to get to there because
there doesn't deliver on Amazon.
That's the only reason I'm going
there and then I'm going home.
>> But maybe there's chaps there.
>> There might be chaps,
I might have to buy chaps.
But when I have had small talk,
it does tend to be
from that third thing.
And so the few conversations I had
with celebrities at Current,
like with Bill Nye and
Mark Hamill, was always,
I'm in this little foodie area.
They're in the foodie area waiting.
And then something happens,
[CROSSTALK] >> How about dem
bagels?
>> No, not about the food but
about something else that happens.
And I'll bring it up,
that way it's not like, hi,
let's talk about your life.
You don't know me, but
you're gonna.
No, it's just, hey, we're two
people conversing about this.
And you can do that whether it's
a random person or a celebrity or
someone you're
trying to bang or whatever.
>> Yes, this is true.
I think for a lot of people,
small talk, it's not like they're
seeking it out, right.
They don't leave the house to seek
out small talk.
Maybe there are people who do that.
>> That's so weird.
>> But a lot of the time that
happens in elevators or
if you're meeting somebody for
the first time maybe at a work
event or something like that.
And so you do kind of have,
find that commonality so
it doesn't necessarily have to be
a third thing that's in the room or
something like that.
But it could be a third thing
where you feel like they might
have something to comment on.
Right now, it's very easy to bring
up politics or something like that.
You're not supposed
to do that generally in small talk.
>> [LAUGH] How about Trump?
>> But it is, right now,
I feel like all of the small talk
conversations somehow
lead to Trump.
Do you know what I mean?
And so- >> How about them Dodgers?
Fucking Trump >> It does,
it's scary though,
you know what I mean?
>> So people will comment on that.
There's a lot of different things
that you can talk about and find
sort of that thing that you guys,
that connects you to people or
whatever.
But it doesnt have to be so
simple as the weather, or
something like that.
You [CROSSTALK] >> Because nobody
actually cares about the weather
>> Think about it.
>> Nobody cares.
>> Everybody has parents.
Everybody has a hometown.
Those are things that
you can talk about.
>> Tell me about where you live.
And tell me about your parents.
>> Where- >> I mean I generally
I would prefer something that it's
in the environment with you or
something like that.
>> I like to get personal >> But
maybe that's not small talk.
I consider it small talk.
Like yesterday, I was- >> No,
we're trying to get
past the awkward part,
not generate the awkward part.
>> No, I always try to generate
awkwardness.
But yesterday I went to a luncheon
or whatever.
And the conversation
went what do you do?
Right, very small talk-y
conversation.
But then it branched off like how
they got into it and how their
parents did this and did that.
And then it turned into this great
thing so you both you do something.
>> Yeah. >> That could be
a center connector.
>> See, I don't like that
kind of conversation.
>> You don't care?
>> When people ask me what I do,
I don't wanna talk, I don't know.
I just don't want to talk about it.
When I get in an Uber- >> But
you don't care that other-
>> My biggest fear is that they're
gonna say, so what do you do?
I don't want to talk about my job.
>> Are you embarrassed
about what you do?
>> No, I'm just not- >> Is this not
good enough for you?
>> That's basically
what I'm saying.
That's basically what,
I just don't want to talk about it.
But you can find other things to
talk about.
And we've talked previously about
how to meet people in college for
instance.
At a party or in a classroom,
understand the context of
how you feel, and
then realize that it's likely that
the other people around you
probably feel something like it.
And although you want to have
good conversations but you're
scared about initiating it, other
people probably feel the same way.
They're looking for
interesting people to talk to them,
So long as you're not a weirdo.
Unfortunately if you
are you won't know.
>> I was at a dinner
party last week where there was a,
it was a buffet table, right?
And somebody next to me I think was
trying to small talk and they
were like yeah the, salmon's big.
[LAUGH] It's just like
,that's true.
>> That's the third thing that's
happening there.
>> That's true, that is true,
that is a true statement.
And then we started talking.
>> About salmon?
>> It was awkward for
a quick second but
then we just started talking.
I was like yeah it is big,
it's kinda hard to cut.
And then it branched.
>> Kinda hard to cut?
>> It was one of those fish,
full fish.
>> So this weekend you went to
a luncheon in a place that
had a massive fish.
>> That wasn't this weekend,
that was- >> Where people just
dug out chunks of salmon.
Hard to cut,
that's why I used my paw.
>> [LAUGH] >> Are you a bear?
Are you a fancy,
mimosa drinking bear?
>> [LAUGH] >> Anyway- >> Yes.
>> Talk about that when you go out.
Anyway, okay, so
those are a couple of our tips and
tips from the experts on how to get
past the awkwardness of small talk.
We're gonna continue this
conversation on Facebook,
where you could be watching at
facebook.com/thinktankfeed, and
seeing this live and
talking back and forth with us.
But you messed up, but
anyway, we'll see you in
the next YouTube video.
Bye guys.
[MUSIC]
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How To Get Good At Small Talk

923 Folder Collection
Moto Saka published on October 15, 2016
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