and what other languages do you recite at a play, but play at a recital,

or ship by truck but send cargo by ship?

We have noses that run and feet that smell,

and the writers write hammers definitely don't ham.

you fill in a form by filling it out,

and your alarm goes off by going on,

and why is it that a slim chance and a fat chance are the same thing,

but a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

But this is where it gets even more confusing,

if you speak of a box in the plural, is "boxes",

yet the plural of "ox" should be "oxen", not "oxes".

Then one is a "goose", two are called "geese",

yet the plural of "moose" should never be "meese".

And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,

but I give a boot, what a pair we called "beet",

and we talk about brother and also our brethren,

but so we say mother we never say methren.

The masculine pronouns are "he", "his" and "him",

but imagine the feminine "she", "shis" and "shim".

And I take it you already know of "tough" and "bough" and "cough" and "dough".

Beware of "heard", a dreadful word,

that looks like "beard" and sounds like "bird".

And "dead" is said like "bed", not "bead".

For goodness sakes, don't call it "deed".

Watch out for "meat" and great" and "threat",

they rhyme with "suite" and "straight" and "debt".

And "here" is not a match for "there" and "dear" and "fear" for "bear" and "pear".

And then there's "dose" and "rose" and "lose",

just look them up, and "goose" and "choose".

And "cork" and "work" and "card" and "ward" and "font" and front"

and "word" and "sword" and "do" and "go".

and "thwart"and "cart"!

Come on, I 've hardly made a start!

A dreadful language, well, man alive.

I learned to talk it when I was five,

but to write it, the more I try,

I still haven't learned to at 25.