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Why did you mail me a letter?
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Oh, I decided to send out a Harper Christmas Newsletter.
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You know, keep everybody updated on all things Harper.
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You're kidding.
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Don't worry, governor. I didn't mention your ongoing battle with the demon Rum.
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As this wonderful year draws to an end
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I send this note to family and friend
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So thankful are we for Blessings Galore
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Like Charlie's fiancée, a lady - not a whore
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Keep reading!
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And young master Jake is growing like a weed
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He makes us all proud, not a waste of my seed
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Keep going! Keep going!
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He tried his darndest in every class and made tenth grade by the skin of his ass
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See, I made a drawing of a little elf with his pants down.
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What the hell is the matter with you? You're a grown man!
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Oh come on, people love this stuff. Read! Read!
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And our sweet mother Evelyn had a small operation
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Her secret garden needed rejuvenation
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Secret garden?
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Find a rhyme for vulva. I dare you.
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And what about the author of this Christmas poem?
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He's healthy and happy in his beautiful home
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And while some might argue that he's just a leech
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It bothers him not, he lives at the beach
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Happy Holidays from the Happy Harpers!
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What do you think?
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You're sad, pathetic, lonely and blue
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If I gave a rat's ass, I'd worry 'bout you
