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  • - Jessica Williams.

  • - Jessica Williams.

  • - Jessica Williams.

  • - Thank you for joining us Jessica.

  • - Oh yeah, it's no problem Jon.

  • I'm just going to another pool party.

  • - I mean, this was a pool party.

  • - Mmhmm.

  • - It's supposed to be fun, you know the water balloons

  • and super soakers.

  • - A water gun?

  • At a Texas pool party?

  • Are you trying to get me killed?

  • - Why are you in trouble with the law?

  • - I uploaded a video.

  • I'm young Jon, it's what we do.

  • We upload things.

  • All the single ladies

  • All the single ladies

  • All the single ladies

  • Yeah, that was a mistake.

  • I mean I looked good, but that was a mistake.

  • (fun upbeat music)

  • Now let's take my walk to work.

  • For most guys, it's just a calm boring commute.

  • - [Jessica] But for me, it's like I'm competing

  • in a beauty pageant every day,

  • and if I don't want people talking to me

  • when I walk to work, all I have to do is

  • Forever in peace

  • - Act like a psycho.

  • You're gonna sit here

  • and you're gonna watch her get her braids done.

  • It's gonna take four hours.

  • Okay?

  • Don't look at me, eyes on target.

  • This isn't a 20 minute tactical crew cut,

  • this is boots on the ground,

  • hands in the hair, all damn day.

  • You got a driver, you got a dancer.

  • That's two jobs for one tractor.

  • - Oh, gosh.

  • - If white people feel uncomfortable,

  • then we have to change it.

  • And then pretend it's the way it's always been.

  • That's how this becomes this.

  • White people don't wanna hear Jailhouse Rock

  • from somebody who's actually been to jail.

  • Real jail is uncomfortable.

  • Elvis jail is fun!

  • Shut up, shut up. - Okay

  • When you're in the cab, follow your route on Google maps,

  • if the driver makes a weird left turn,

  • drop a pin on the map, call 911

  • and get ready to jump girl, you in danger.

  • Race was brought in because Beyonce was brought in

  • and, brace yourself, you might wanna sit down for this,

  • but Beyonce is black.

  • (screaming)

  • The point is, Beyonce is black and this song is her message.

  • That's what artists do.

  • Like how Bruno Mars delivered his message

  • about how uptown was gonna funk me up.

  • That's a threat, I live uptown,

  • I barely slept after that performance.

  • Is it fair to say that because

  • you're priest you're a pedophile?

  • - Well of course not.

  • - Could you take that logic

  • and apply that to the transgender community?

  • - They're apples and oranges.

  • - By apples and oranges do you mean apples and apples?

  • - [Jessica] These people are up against some bullshit.

  • - Give me some offensive comments or questions

  • and I'll give you some good answers.

  • - Do you have a (beep)?

  • - Um, I don't currently have a (beep).

  • - Do you have cadaver tits?

  • - Don't tell me what that is?

  • - Would you chop it off?

  • - Do straight women date you? Or gay women?

  • - Do you ever suck (beep)?

  • - People ask me the question, what are you, all the time.

  • - Hold on, I just have to do something.

  • Hey guys, it's TV's Jessica Williams.

  • If you ever feel the need ask what are you,

  • do me a favor and just don't (beep) do it.

  • (electric music)

  • - Is that pioneer choking that Native American

  • dude to death or do I have something crazy in my eye?

  • The votes are in, show me the new seal.

  • (laughing)

  • Are you (beep) kidding me?

  • This morning I spoke with the mayor of Whitesboro,

  • and guess what?

  • They are changing the seal!

  • (cheering)

  • We did it!

  • - We solved racism!

  • - We fixed it!

  • (upbeat music)

- Jessica Williams.

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B1 TheDailyShow jessica beep williams beyonce jail

The Daily Show - Thank You, Jessica Williams

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    VoiceTube posted on 2016/07/12
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