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  • >> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW"!

  • MY NAME IS JON STEWART! GOOD SHOW!

  • MY GUEST TONIGHT, AUTHOR JENNY NORDBERG, SHE IS THE AUTHOR OF A

  • BOOK CALLED "THE UNDERGROUND GIRLS OF KABUL."

  • SHE WILL BE JOINING US A LITTLE BIT LATER.

  • BUT FIRST, NEW YORK CITY HOSTED THE BIGGEST CLIMATE CHANGE MARCH

  • IN HISTORY YESTERDAY FEATURING THE BIGGEST HAT

  • AND THE BIGGEST SIGN AND THE BIGGEST KINDEST

  • PUPPET LIBRARIAN AND THE BIGGEST PAIN IN THE ASS

  • TO GET ACROSS THE STREET JUST TO GET TO CHIPOTLE.

  • >> THERE WERE BOLD FACED NAMES.

  • FORMER VICE PRESIDENT AL GORE, MAYOR BILL DeBLASIO, AND U.N.

  • SECRETARY GENERAL BAN KI-MOON.

  • >> Jon: WHOA! WHOA!

  • STOP THE PARADE!

  • BAN KI-MOON?

  • THE BIGGEST CLIMATE CHANGE IN HISTORY.

  • WHAT DID YOU COME STRAIGHT FROM YOUR AUDITION FROM

  • "YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN"?

  • LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE WEARING YOUR CAMP CLOTHES?

  • YOU'RE BAN KI-MOON! YOU'RE THE HEAD OF THE U.N.

  • BY THE WAY, WHAT A GET FOR

  • U.N. RADIO.

  • U.N. RADIO GETTING BAN KI-MOON.

  • NO, NO, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU.

  • OH! HELLO.

  • (LAUGHTER) OF COURSE, POLITICIAN WEREN'T

  • THE ONLY BIG SHOTS ON HAND. THERE WERE A-LIST MOVIE

  • STARS LIKE MARK RUFFALO AND EDWARD NORTON, BOTH

  • HAVE BECOME ACUTELY AWARE OF ENVIRONMENTAL DANGERS SINCE

  • THEIR ENCOUNTERS WITH GAMMA RADIATION. THEY REALLY HAD...

  • (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Jon: WITH THAT SIZE IN STAR POWER, YOU KNOW CABLE NEWS GAVE

  • IT EVERYTHING THEY HAVE.

  • >> ALISON KOSIK IS IN NEW YORK. DESCRIBE THE SCENE FOR US

  • EARLIER. >> EARLIER?

  • IT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING AS WE SPEAK.

  • (LAUGHTER) >> Jon: PERHAPS IT'S HAPPENING

  • RIGHT NOW.

  • PERHAPS YOU CAN TELL BY THE FACT THAT NOBODY CAN SEE ME IN MY OWN

  • NEWS REPORT.

  • COME ON, CNN!

  • THIS IS CROWD FOOTAGE 101!

  • YOU PUT THE REPORTER IN FRONT OF THE CROWD!

  • MSNBC, SHOW THEM HOW IT'S DONE.

  • >> LET'S HEAD THERE NOW. WE HAVE NED RESNIKOFF WHO'S STAND BY --

  • >> Jon: [BLEEP]! OH, JESUS!

  • NOT THAT FAR!

  • COME ON!

  • (LAUGHTER) KILL THE FEED!

  • GOT A GIANT METEOR APPROACHING THE PARADE!

  • AHHH! (LAUGHTER)

  • WITH YESTERDAY'S SOUP IN HIS STASH!

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU MAY BE THINKING, DO WE REALLY NEED A

  • MARCH TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE?

  • I MEAN, IT'S AN ACCEPTED SCIENTIFIC PHENOMENON PRETTY

  • MUCH EVERYWHERE.

  • HERE'S WHY YOU NEED THE MARCH.

  • IT'S ACCEPTED PRETTY MUCH EVERYWHERE BUT THIS ONE PLACE

  • CALLED THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES COMMITTEE ON

  • SCIENCE, SPACE AND TECHNOLOGY.

  • THIS IS TRUE.

  • LAST WEEK THEY HELD A HEARING THAT THEY APPARENTLY RECORDED IN

  • 1971 -- (LAUGHTER)

  • I GUESS THAT'S THE TECHNOLOGY PART OF THE COMMITTEE NAME -- ON

  • PRESIDENT OBAMA'S PLAN TO SHRINK CARBON EMISSIONS 30% BY 2030.

  • THE HEARINGS' SISYPHUS, PRESIDENTIAL SCIENCE ADVISOR

  • JOHN HOLDREN, CHARGED WITH THE IMPOSSIBLE TASK OF

  • PUSHING 1 MILLION POUNDS OF IDIOT UP A MOUNTAIN.

  • OF COURSE, LIKE ANY AVALANCHE, IT DID BEGAN RATHER INNOCUOUSLY.

  • TEXAS REPUBLICAN STEVE STOCKMAN.

  • >> THE LEAD SCIENTIST AT NASA SAID THIS, HE SAID WHAT ENDED

  • THE ICE AGE WAS GLOBAL WOBBLING.

  • IS THE WOBBLING OF THE EARTH INCLUDED IN ANY OF YOUR

  • MODELINGS?

  • AND THE ANSWER WAS NO.

  • WHEN YOU HAVE A MODEL AND YOU SAY WE'LL LEAVE OUT THE MOST

  • IMPORTANT IMPACT OF THAT MODEL OUT OF OUR THEORY AND NOT TALK

  • ABOUT GLOBAL WOBBLING, HOW CAN YOU MAKE PROJECTIONS?

  • (LAUGHTER) >> Jon: WHAT'S UP, SCIENTISTS?

  • GLOBAL WOBBLING, BITCHES!

  • (LAUGHTER) HE SEES YOUR SO-CALLED GLOBAL

  • WARMING AND RAISES YOU A GLOBAL WOBBLING.

  • EXPLAIN THAT DR. WHITE HOUSE.

  • >> GLOBAL WOBBLING WHICH REFERS TO CHANGES IN THE EARTH'S

  • TILT AND ORBIT TAKES PLACE ON CHARACTERISTIC TIME SCALES OF

  • 22,000 YEARS, 44,000 YEARS AND 100,000 YEARS. IT IS VERY SLOW.

  • GLOBAL WOBBLES IS A TINY EFFECT OF THE TIME SCALE OF 100 YEARS

  • IN WHICH WE TRY TO RUN THESE MODELS.

  • >> Jon: I DIDN'T KNOW WE WOULD BE TALKING TO AN ACTUAL

  • SCIENTIST...

  • (WHISPERING) ALL RIGHT, HOLDREN, YOU ACED

  • THE WOBBLE WARMING.

  • RIDDLE ME THIS:

  • >> AT WHAT POINT A LEVEL OF CO2 DOES CO2 BECOME DAMAGING?

  • AT WHAT LEVEL DOES IT BECOME HARMFUL TO HUMAN BEINGS?

  • >> Jon: BOOM! HOW CAN CO2 BE DANGEROUS WHEN I CAN STILL

  • BREATHE?

  • >> VICE CHAIRMAN ROHRABACHER, I ALWAYS ENJOY MY INTERACTIONS

  • WITH YOU.

  • >> Jon: MUCH THE WAY ONE ENJOYS PLAYING PEEK A BOO WITH A

  • BABY. (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Jon: OR PERHAPS TEASING A CAT WITH A LASER POINTER!

  • (LAUGHTER) >> I HAVE TO SAY WITH RESPECT

  • THAT'S A RED HERRING.

  • WE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN CARBON DIOXIDE CONCENTRATIONS BECAUSE

  • OF THEIR DIRECT EFFECT ON HUMAN HEALTH, WE'RE INTERESTED IN THEM

  • BECAUSE OF THEIR EFFECT ON THE WORLD'S CLIMATE AND CLIMATE

  • CHANGE HAS DISASTEROUS EFFECTS ON HEALTH.

  • >> Jon: WHY CAN WE STILL BREATHE?

  • THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING! I MEAN, YOU CAN HEAR ME RIGHT?

  • I'M BREATHING!

  • AND IT GOT MORE AMAZING AS IT WENT.

  • INDIANA'S LARRY BUSCHON.

  • >> IT'S NOT ABOUT AFFECTING THE GLOBAL TEMPERATURE AND CLIMATE

  • CHANGE.

  • >> THERE IS PUBLIC COMMENTS OUT THERE THAT QUESTION HAS BEEN

  • ASKED AND ANSWERED SAYING NO.

  • >> YOU SHOULD LOOK AT THE SCIENTIFIC LITERATURE RATHER

  • THAN THE PUBLIC COMMENTS.

  • (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Jon: WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, REPRESENTATIVE

  • BUSCHON, I SUGGEST YOU GET THE JOURNAL OF APPLIED

  • METEOROLOGY AND CLIMATOLOGY AS

  • OPPOSED TO THE YOU TUBE COMMENT FEED OF OBUMMERLIES1776.

  • BUT HERE'S WHERE BUSCHON FINALLY GIVES AWAY THE GAME.

  • >> OF ALL THE CLIMATOLOGISTS WHOSE CAREER DEPENDS ON THE

  • CLIMATE CHANGING TO KEEP THEMSELVES PUBLISHING ARTICLES,

  • YES, I COULD READ THAT BUT I DO NOT BELIEVE IT.

  • >> Jon: I DO NOT BELIEVE THE SCIENTISTS BECAUSE IT IS THEIR

  • PROFESSION NOT THEIR HOBBY. (LAUGHTER)

  • WELL SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE INFLUENCE MONEY MIGHT HAVE

  • ON CLIMATE CHANGE OPINION, IT TURNS OUT REPRESENTATIVE

  • BUSCHON'S THREE BIGGEST CAMPAIGN DONORS ARE MURRAY ENERGY,

  • KOCH ENTERPRISES, AND PEABODY ENERGY. AND TRUST ME.

  • (AUDIENCE REACTS) TRUST ME, THOSE THREE WELL

  • FUNDED COMPANIES WOULD LOVE TO DISPROVE CLIMATE CHANGE.

  • TO THE SATISFACTION OF THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY AT

  • LARGE. SO IF SCIENTISTS COULD BE BOUGHT THESE MOTHER [BLEEP]

  • WOULD HAVE ALREADY MADE IT RAIN IN NERD TOWN. TRUST ME.

  • AND AGAIN, I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

  • THIS IS THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES COMMITTEE ON

  • SCIENCE, SPACE AND TECHNOLOGY.

  • >> HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR THE SEA LEVEL TO RISE TWO FEET?

  • I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT, IF YOUR ICE CUBE MELTS IN YOUR GLASS, IT

  • DOESN'T OVERFLOW, IT'S DISPLACEMENT. I MEAN,

  • THESE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THAT

  • MATHEMATICALLY AND SCIENTIFICALLY DON'T MAKE SENSE.

  • >> Jon: ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDING ME?

  • ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDING ME?

  • I DON'T EVEN KNOW -- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT!

  • HOW FAR BACK TO THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CORE CURRICULUM DO WE

  • HAVE TO GO TO GET SOMEONE ON THE HOUSE COMMITTEE ON SCIENCE,

  • SPACE AND TECHNOLOGY CAUGHT UP?

  • DO WE HAVE TO BRING OUT THE PAPIER MACHE AND BAKING SODA SO

  • YOU CAN MAKE A (BLEEP) VOLCANO? IS THAT WHAT WE HAVE TO DO?

  • IS THAT HOW BASIC THE SCIENCE CLASS WAS WHEN YOU WENT?

  • NAH, I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THIS ANYMORE. FOR GOD'S SAKES!

  • LOOK, HERE -- HERE, LOOK.

  • HERE'S A GLASS OF ICE WATER.

  • HEY, THAT ICE ISN'T MAKING THE WATER OVERFLOW BECAUSE IT'S

  • ALREADY IN THE WATER!

  • BUT IMAGINE THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER ICE THAT'S NOT IN

  • THE WATER, IT'S ON THE LAND -- YOU KNOW, THE PART WHERE THE

  • WATER ISN'T!

  • AND THEN WHEN TEMPERATURES RISE AND THE LAND ICE MELTS ENOUGH,

  • TO FALL IN, OH, (BLEEP)!

  • IT'S EVERYWHERE!

  • IT'S EVERYWHERE!

  • DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WAIT A MINUTE.