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  • >> Jon: HEY, EVERYBODY!

  • WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW!

  • I'M SO EXCITED.

  • YOU KNOW, FROM TIME TO TIME WE LIKE TO GET AN INTERNATIONAL

  • PERSPECTIVE ON CURRENT EVENTS.

  • MAINLY TO CONFIRM THAT WE REALLY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT

  • INTERNATIONAL EVENTS.

  • SO WE'RE HAPPY TO WELCOME BACK TO THE PROGRAM OUR SENIOR

  • INTERNATIONAL CORRESPONDENT FROM SOUTH AFRICA.

  • TREVOR NOAH IS HERE!

  • TREVOR!

  • NICE TO SEE YOU.

  • >> THANK YOU. THANK YOU, JON.

  • >> Jon: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

  • >> YEAH, OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE ALL STILL REELING FROM THE TERRIBLE

  • EVENTS OF JANUARY 7.

  • >> Jon: OH, RIGHT, NO, THAT'S -- THE "CHARLIE HEBDO"

  • MASSACRE, PARIS. THAT WAS --

  • >> OH WELL THAT, TOO, BUT I WAS ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT THE BAGA

  • AND DORON BAGA MASSACRES IN NIGERIA.

  • >> Jon: YES.

  • BAGA AND DORON BAGA.

  • ARE THOSE NIGERIAN SATIRICAL MAGAZINES? I DON'T --

  • >> NO, THEY'RE TOWNS, JON.

  • WELL, THEY WERE TOWNS.

  • BOKO HARAM DESTROYED THEM AND KILLED THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.

  • >> Jon: YES!

  • BOKO HARAM.

  • I'VE HEARD OF THEM.

  • HASHTAG BRING BACK OUR GIRLS. YES?

  • >> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

  • WELL, HASHTAG THEY DIDN'T.

  • IN FACT, SINCE THEN, BOKO HARAM HAS CAPTURED AN AREA THE SIZE OF

  • SLOVAKIA.

  • THAT'S TWO SLOVENIAS.

  • THAT'S NINE MILLION AMERICAN FOOTBALL FIELDS.

  • >> Jon: HOLY ( BLEEP )!

  • THAT'S A LOT OF AREA.

  • I DID NOT REALIZE.

  • >> YOU KNOW WHAT, AND YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE, JON.

  • NOT A SINGLE HEAD OF STATE WENT TO NIGERIA AFTER THE

  • JANUARY ATTACKS, NOT EVEN OBAMA, AND HE'S AFRICAN.

  • >> Jon: WELL, WELL, WELL -- HE'S NOT -- AFRICAN AMERICAN.

  • HE WAS NOT BORN IN AFRICA.

  • BORN IN HAWAII.

  • >> OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

  • YEAH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I GOT YOU.

  • I GOT YOU.

  • >> Jon: ALL RIGHT. WELL, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER,

  • OBAMA DIDN'T GO TO PARIS, EITHER.

  • >> YEAH, BUT AT LEAST YOU COULD HAVE SENT US JAMES TAYLOR.

  • WHAT?

  • AFRICA DOESN'T GET A FRIEND?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: SETTLE FOR PAUL

  • SIMON?

  • >> OH, OKAY BUT ONLY IF HE PROMISES NOT TO STEAL OUR MUSIC.

  • HASHTAG BRING BACK OUR SONGS.

  • LOOK, JON, IN FRANCE, 1.6 MILLION PEOPLE MARCHED FOR 12

  • CARTOONISTS, WHICH IS GREAT.

  • BUT BY THAT MATH, THE WHOLE WORLD SHOULD HAVE BEEN MARCHING

  • IN NIGERIA.

  • LIKE SOMETIMES IT JUST FEELS LIKE AFRICA IS THE VEGAS OF

  • ISLAMIC TERROR -- WHAT HAPPENS IN AFRICA STAYS IN AFRICA.

  • >> Jon: THAT WAS A TREMENDOUS ACCENT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Jon: WELL, YOU KNOW, DOESN'T IT STAY IN AFRICA?

  • I MEAN, DOES IT REALLY AFFECT US HERE? I MEAN --

  • >> WELL, YOU'D THINK THAT, JON.

  • BUT WHAT ABOUT THE UNDERWEAR BOMBER?

  • HE WAS NIGERIAN.

  • >> Jon: OH, RIGHT.

  • AND BECAUSE OF HIM, YOU KNOW, NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO WEAR

  • UNDERWEAR ON AIRPLANES NOW.

  • >> I-- I THINK YOU ARE.

  • >> Jon: BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY IS WHAT I WOULD SAY.

  • THE POINT IS THIS, "CHARLIE HEBDO" WAS A DIRECT ATTACK ON

  • OUR WESTERN VALUES OF FREE SPEECH AND EXPRESSION.

  • >> RIGHT.

  • AND BOKO HARAM LITERALLY MEANS WESTERN EDUCATION IS FORBIDDEN.

  • >> Jon: REALLY?

  • >> YOU SEE, JON, WE'RE FIGHTING THE SAME TERRORISM, SO NEXT

  • TIME, JUST INCLUDE US IN YOUR MARCHES.

  • NIGERIAN SCHOOL GIRLS USE PENCILS, TOO, SO YOU DON'T EVEN

  • HAVE TO CHANGE THE PROPS.

  • >> Jon: YOU KNOW, WE'D LOVE TO, TREVOR, HONESTLY, THE STATES

  • WOULD LOVE TO, BUT OUR GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR CALENDAR IS SO

  • FULL BETWEEN THE ISIS, THEY'RE TRYING TO SET UP A CALIPHATE

  • AND -- >> YEAH, AND SO IS BOKO HARAM.

  • THEY KIDNAP PEOPLE, THEY SELL THEM INTO SLAVERY.

  • >> Jon: THAT'S PRETTY ISIS-ISH.

  • >> YEAH. THEY WEAR THESE COSTUMES.

  • >> Jon: HOLY ( BLEEP ).

  • THAT'S ISIS-ISH.

  • THAT'S LIKE ISIS COUTURE.

  • >> YEAH. ARAB SPRING COLLECTION, IN FACT.

  • >> Jon: NICE.

  • >> THEY EVEN HAVE THE SAME FLAG, JON.

  • >> Jon: THEY HAVE THE SAME FLAG?

  • THAT'S JUST LAZY.

  • >> DON'T YOU SEE, JON, BOKO HARAM IS BLACK ISIS.

  • >> Jon: THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE MOST AWESOME PAM GRIER MOVIE

  • EVER.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> YOU KNOW, JON, BOKO HARAM

  • MUST FEEL LIKE TYLER PERRY-- HUGE NUMBERS BUT NO RECOGNITION.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> Jon: LOOK, TREVOR, I GET IT, BUT WE'RE SO BUSY FIGHTING--

  • >> YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • THAT'S TOO BAD BECAUSE IF BOKO HARAM IS NOT STOPPED THEY MIGHT

  • TAKE OVER NIGERIA'S OIL FIELDS? AND --

  • >> Jon: EH, EH, EH -- NIGERIA'S WHAT NOW?

  • >> WELL, OIL.

  • NIGERIA HAS THE WORLD'S TENTH BIGGEST OIL RESERVES,

  • 37 BILLION BARRELS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: IT'S FUNNY.

  • ACTUALLY AS I THINK ABOUT IT WE DO HAVE AN OPENING

  • RIGHT AFTER-- I THINK-- IN BETWEEN ISIS AND YEMEN,

  • I THINK WE CAN SQUEEZE YOU IN.

  • PERHAPS WE CAN HAVE JAMES TAYLOR OVER THERE RIGHT AWAY.

  • ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS CALL ANDHE'LL BE THERE, YES, HE WILL

  • YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND ♪♪ >> JE SUIS TOO YOUNG TO KNOW

  • THAT SONG, BUT THANK YOU.

  • >> Jon: THANK YOU, TREVOR.

  • TREVOR NOAH, EVERYBODY.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: HEY, EVERYBODY!

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