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  • IN THE REPTILE KINGDOM, IGUANAS ARE KING.

  • BUT THE BIG QUESTION IS, DO THEY HAVE --

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • I'M SORRY, SIR.

  • ARE YOU LOST?

  • >> NO, TREVOR, WAIT!

  • IT'S ME!

  • TREVOR!

  • IT'S ME!

  • >> Trevor: PAPA?!

  • NO!

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • IT'S ME!

  • >> Trevor: IT'S JON STEWART, EVERYBODY!

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • OH, WOW!

  • OH, WOW!

  • IT'S JON STEWART!

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • OH!

  • I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

  • THIS IS AWESOME!

  • OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT -- (BLEEP).

  • ARE YOU HERE TO TAKE THE SHOW BACK?

  • OH, MAN, I HEARD ABOUT THIS IN AMERICAN TV!

  • ARE YOU TAKING THE SHOW BACK?

  • >> NO, TRUST ME!

  • TRUST ME!

  • A THOUSAND TIMES NO!

  • ACTUALLY, I HAVE THIS ISSUE, I CARE ABOUT IT VERY DEEPLY AND I

  • WAS WONDERING, I WANT TO GET ATTENTION PAID TO IT, BUT I WAS

  • REALIZING I DON'T HAVE A SHOW, AND NOBODY GIVES A (BLEEP)

  • ANYMORE.

  • SO I THOUGHT, YOU HAVE A SHOW, AND MAYBE I COULD COME AND --

  • >> Trevor: HEY...

  • I'M HERE FOR YOU, JON.

  • MY SHOW IS YOUR SHOW, MY FRIEND.

  • >> OH!

  • >> Trevor: YEAH!

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • WHAT DO DO YOU NEED?

  • >> LET ME JUST --

  • >> Trevor: NO, I'M NOT GONNA --

  • >> I UNDERSTAND.

  • THAT'S GOOD.

  • SO BACK IN 2010, OKAY, AFTER FAR MORE LOBBYING THAN SHOULD HAVE

  • EVER BEEN NECESSARY, CONGRESS PASSED WHAT WAS CALLED THE

  • ZADROGA ACT, HEALTHCARE FOR 9/11 FIRST RESPONDERS WORKING AT

  • GROUND ZERO AFTER THE GOVERNMENT TOLD THEM IT WAS SAFE

  • BUT IT GAVE THEM CANCER.

  • >> Trevor: SO HAD TO CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY?

  • >> NO, THEY FUNDED THE ACT FIVE YEARS.

  • THEY WANTED TO MAKE SURE THE PROGRAM WOULDN'T HAVE PEOPLE WHO

  • WOULD TRY TO CHEAT IT AND YOU COULD SCIENTIFICALLY PROVE A

  • LINK BETWEEN THE RESPONDERS HORRIBLE DISEASES AND TOXIC AIR

  • THEY WERE BREATHING DAY IN AND DAY OUT WORKING AT GROUND ZERO.

  • >> Trevor: AND YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T PROVE THE

  • LINK?

  • >> NO, THEY PROVED THE LINK.

  • >> Trevor: I SEE, BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF FRAUD.

  • >> THERE WAS NO FRAUD.

  • >> Trevor: SO NO REASON TO NOT RENEW IT PERMANENTLY.

  • >> YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE, ARE YOU?

  • OF COURSE THERE WAS NO REASON NOT TO RENEW IT PERMANENTLY, BUT

  • THEY DID NOT RENEW IT WIN ANYWAY!

  • IT EXPIRED IN SEPTEMBER, SOON TO BE OUT OF MONEY, MANY FIRST

  • RESPONDERS, SICK WITH CANCER, PULMONARY DISEASE, HAD TO TRAVEL

  • AT THEIR EXPENSE TO WASHINGTON, D.C. HUNDREDS OF

  • TIMES TO PLEAD FOR OUR GOVERNMENT TO DO THE RIGHT

  • THING.

  • PLEAD!

  • >> Trevor: SO YOU'RE HERE TO TELL US ONCE CONGRESS SAW THE

  • FIRST RESPONDERS, OBVIOUSLY, THEIR RENEWED VIGOR CAME IN,

  • THEY RENEWED THE HEALTHCARE FUNDING AND MADE IT PERMANENT,

  • RIGHT?

  • >> YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE...

  • THEY HAVE NOT DONE THAT.

  • >> Trevor: THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, JON STEWART!

  • >> I KNOW!

  • THE ONLY CONCLUSION I CAN DRAW IS THAT THE PEOPLE OF CONGRESS

  • ARE NOT AS GOOD A PEOPLE AS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE FIRST RESPONDERS.

  • >> Trevor: OH, WELL, JON --

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • -- I DON'T KNOW...

  • >> THAT'S WHAT I THINK.

  • >> Trevor: I DON'T KNOW, JOHN, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT BECAUSE HOW

  • WOULD YOU KNOW?

  • >> LAST WEEK, I HAD THE DISTINCT HONOR OF ACCOMPANYING SOME OF

  • THESE HEROS ON ONE OF THEIR MANY TRIPS DOWN TO THE CAPITOL TO SEE

  • HOW IN GOD'S NAME THIS IS IN ANY WAY A CONTROVERSIAL OR

  • NON-PRIORITY ISSUE.

  • IT'S EASY TO TAKE OUR DEMOCRACY FOR GRANTED BUT SEEING IT FIRST

  • HAND IS TRULY HUMBLING.

  • I'M HERE IN THE SEANTE RUSSELL BUILDING TO WITNESS THE MAJESTY

  • OF OUR NATION'S LEGISLATIVE PROCESS.

  • THE BEAUTY, COMPASSION, INTELLIGENCE -- I'M JUST (BLEEP)

  • YOU.

  • I'M HERE TO SEE IF SHAME WORKS.

  • SAHME -- THE EMOTION YOU MIGHT HAVE IF YOU WERE A SENATOR

  • WHO TWEETED AFTER 9/11, WE WOULD NOT FORGET OUR HEROS, BUT DID BY

  • NOT SIGNING ON TO THIS BILL.

  • WE DECIDED TO HAND-DELIVER THEIR SHAME.

  • WE'RE GOING TO STOP IN TO RAND PAUL'S OFFICE.

  • IS HE IN?

  • >> I DON'T KNOW, THERE MAY HAVE BEEN A BRIEFING.

  • >> WE WERE WONDERING IF SENATOR JOHNSON IS HOME.

  • >> I'M NOT SURE.

  • LET ME CHECK.

  • >> TRICK OR TREAT, ANYBODY WE COULD SPEAK TO ABOUT THE 9/11

  • RESPONDER'S BILL SENATOR PORTMAN HAS YET TO SUPPORT?

  • IS THERE WHO IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE T BE UPSET WITH?

  • >> YES, SIR, I WOULD BE HAPPY TO CHECK FOR YOU IF YOU --

  • >> THANK YOU SO MUCH, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

  • >> WHO CAN I GIVE THIS TO?

  • WHO CAN I FOLLOW UP WITH?

  • >> I APPRECIATE IT.

  • YEAH, SO ACTUALLY WE CAN'T RECORD INSIDE THE OFFICE.

  • IF WE COULD STEP OUTSIDE.

  • >> WE CAN RECORD OUT IN THE HALLWAY?

  • WHY IS THAT YOU CAN'T RECORD IN THE OFFICE, IS IT ACOUSTICS?

  • >> I BELIEVE HE'S AT A COMMITTEE MEETING.

  • >> THE BILL HAS BEEN TAKEN OUT AND WE'RE LOST AGAIN AND THESE

  • ARE -- THESE GUYS ARE ALL DYING SO WE WOULD LIKE TO STOP THAT.

  • >> NO, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

  • YOU DON'T WANT IT IN THE SHAME CHAMBER, YOU WANT IT IN

  • THE SHAME HALLWAY.

  • >> HERE'S MY CARD.

  • WE WOULD LOVE TO SET UP A TIME WITH YOU ON CAMERA.

  • >> THEY'RE LIKE IN MANY WAYS MEERKATS OR PRAIRIE DOGS BUT IF

  • THEY SENSE DANGER, INFORMATION THEY DON'T LIKE, BOOM, RIGHT

  • BACK INTO THE HOLE.

  • IF WE NEED TO WAIT HERE UNTIL HE'S READY, I'M HAPPY TO DO

  • THAT.

  • I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, I DON'T REALLY HAVE A LIFE

  • ANYMORE.

  • I'M UNEMPLOYED NOW, SO I'M REALLY AVAILABLE ALL DAY.

  • >> OKAY.

  • AND I HAVE YOUR CARD, SO I'LL GET BACK TO OUR SCHEDULER AS

  • WELL.

  • >> DIDN'T KNOW THIS COUNTRY WAS KNOWN FOR CRANBERRIES.

  • >> NUMBER ONE CRANBERRY PRODUCER IN THE STATE, YEAH.

  • >> SOME PEOPLE GOT MEETINGS.

  • >> WE'RE NEW ENERGY, HOW ARE YOU?

  • >> HOW ARE YOU? >> NEW ENERGY.

  • >> SEE YOU GUYS. WHAT ARE YOU, HAVING A MEETING?

  • PASSING THE ZADROGA ACT SEEMS LIKE A NO BRAINER!

  • LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

  • ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE THERE WAS A MONSTER UNDER YOUR BED OR IN

  • YOUR CLOSET AND YOU WERE SCARED OF THE MONSTER AND PEOPLE CAME

  • IN, VERY HELPFUL PEOPLE, FIRST RESPONDERS TO THE MONSTER

  • SITUATION, AND THEY HELPED GET RID OF THE MONSTER, CLEAN UP

  • AFTER THE MONSTER FOR MONTHS BUT BECAUSE THEY GOT MONSTER JUICE

  • ON THEM, GOT SICK.

  • WOULD YOU HELP THOSE PEOPLE?

  • >> YES.

  • >> NO.

  • >> HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

  • NO?

  • YOU WOULD BE A GOOD CONGRESS PERSON.

  • WOULD YOU GUYS TAKE CARE OF THE PEOPLE?

  • >> YES.

  • IT SEEMS OBVIOUS.

  • SO WHAT I WOULD SAY IS THIS IS OUR SENATOR MCCONNELL -- YOU BE

  • SENATOR MCCONNELL IN THIS -- AND YOU WOULD BE, UH, NORMAL HUMAN

  • PEOPLE.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • THANK YOU YOU GUYS FOR LISTENING.

  • WHAT TIME IS SNACK?

  • IS IT SOON?

  • WE CAUGHT UP WITH SENATOR PORTMAN ON HIS WAY FROM VOTING

  • TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE ON THE TERRORIST WATCH LIST COULD STILL

  • BUY GUNS.

  • >> WE'LL LET THEM KNOW I SUPPORT IT.

  • THE QUESTION IS HOW TO PAY FOR IT.

  • >> YOU KNOW YOU CAN FIND MONEY WHEN YOU WANT.

  • SO THAT PAY FOR IT STUFF REALLY DOESN'T REACH -- IT'S NOT

  • PASSING THE LITMUS TEST WITH ME AT ALL.

  • >> THAT NIGHT, SENATOR PORTMAN OF OHIO SIGNED ON TO THE BILL.

  • MAYBE SHAME DOES WORK.

  • IF IT DOESN'T, MAYBE WE SHOULD FOLLOW AROUND MITCH MCCONNELL

IN THE REPTILE KINGDOM, IGUANAS ARE KING.

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