Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • - Pork E. adjusted his silver codpiece,

  • flexed his well-sculpted glutes,

  • and prepared for the biggest battle of his life

  • with Nags the Mosqueezo.

  • But what he didn't know was that she had just given birth

  • to 12,000 baby mosqueezos!

  • Disengage, Dingernauts.

  • We don't shoot mothers in space.

  • - Dinger.

  • - Everyone, you're in for a treat.

  • Meet my coworker Mads--

  • the inspiration for the evil overlord Nags the Mosqueezo.

  • all: Ooh.

  • - It really does look like she had 12,000 babies.

  • - [scoffs]

  • [upbeat music]

  • - This is America

  • Land of dreams

  • Everyone can climb higher

  • - Not you, though

  • - You're stuck here

  • - 'Cause you're a part-timer

  • - Yeah!

  • - You can do anything

  • - As long it's not hard

  • - And you can go anywhere

  • - As soon as you get a car

  • - You're gonna be a huge success

  • - Come on, that's not who you are

  • - You're a part-timer cursed with full-time dreams

  • And this low-paying job

  • Is as bad as it seems

  • Bad as it seems

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

  • Whoa

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

  • Oh

  • Seriously, dude. - Like, what the [bleep]?

  • [creaks]

  • [crashes]

  • - Dinger's fan fiction is really good.

  • - You're only saying that

  • because he gave Pork E. a huge wang.

  • - No, because he nailed me perfectly,

  • down to the huge wang.

  • - Well, you're the only one he nailed.

  • Ella has a third boob that shoots lasers from the nipple.

  • - Yeah, Ermagerd and her third

  • are intergalactic bounty hunters.

  • I need that tit.

  • - So it's just me that he got wrong.

  • Nags, a giant mosquito overlord?

  • - My character's a little off too.

  • - You're an anxiety-ridden robotic caterpillar

  • with an android butterfly growing inside you.

  • It's a euphemism for puberty.

  • - Crap.

  • Nailed it.

  • [indistinct chatter]

  • - Push from your core. Tighten your butthole.

  • Now stop.

  • Pete, this new parking spot is gonna shave

  • a full 35 seconds off my work walk.

  • And you know what I always say, right?

  • - No.

  • - ABCT-- "Always be cutting time."

  • - Roger that.

  • - You know what you get when you cut time, right?

  • - No. - You create time.

  • And with that time,

  • take it, lock it away for the future.

  • You know what this spot needs?

  • Some class.

  • You know that guy that owns that nightclub down the street?

  • He can give us a killer deal on some velvet rope.

  • - "Velvet rope"? - Oh, you hear that?

  • Oh, that's time slipping away, slipping away, slipping away.

  • Come on, Pete. - I feel my life slipping away.

  • - What the-- [clicks tongue]

  • Anton, we ain't got time for that.

  • - This is created time, Lori.

  • This time doesn't even exist yet.

  • - Okay, great. I'll be at the Korean spa for about five hours.

  • Don't call.

  • - I'll just be enjoying my new executive parking spot.

  • It's gonna look so good with a velvet rope.

  • - So, in conclusion,

  • the conversion rate is 17 gravitons to one Uncle Sam.

  • Great question.

  • - I have a question.

  • - You, shorty in the front.

  • - [sighs, clears throat]

  • I just feel like in your description

  • of Nags the Mosqueezo,

  • there's an overlooked core of helpfulness and efficiency

  • that is missing from your description

  • and makes her feel, perhaps, unseen.

  • - So what's your question?

  • - Why does my character suck?

  • - Oh, 'cause she needs blood to survive.

  • - "Exorctly." [watch alarm beeping]

  • Dingernauts, you're in for a treat--

  • the showstopper of the tour.

  • Take five, and I'll be back in a "nanojiff."

  • And remember to hold on to your nuts,

  • because they're about to be blown into space!

  • - [sighs]

  • Ugh, back off.

  • And sit down. God!

  • Stand up.

  • Sit down.

  • Clean that table.

  • - Nag us, Nags.

  • - We can take it. - We love it.

  • - We not be so unwise as to deny the command

  • of the most feared overlord in all the land.

  • - Way to commit, Jeff.

  • - Okay, well, when you're finished with the tables,

  • you can degrease all the joysticks,

  • and you can unclog all the holes in the air-hockey table.

  • Ah, there is so much to get done.

  • - Now, this is how you ABE--

  • "Always be 'executivizing.'" - I'll write that down.

  • - "Initiativizing"-- I like it.

  • [horn honks]

  • I know! Cool spot, right?

  • - Sir, we need you to move your vehicle

  • so we can get to the Dumpster.

  • - Oh, uh, actually, new thing--

  • I'm gonna need you to come around my spot

  • at a 45-degree angle, then about-face to the left.

  • - We're not pulling into the lot.

  • We've gotten stuck back there before.

  • Also, we don't have to-- union rules.

  • - Oh, the union.

  • [bell dings]

  • - [sighs] We'll do you a favor,

  • and we'll come back at the end of our route.

  • Just put the Dumpster back, okay?

  • [truck beeping]

  • - Quick tip, Pete--

  • "The union" is code for "grease the wheels,"

  • and "grease the wheels" is code for "bribe me."

  • [vacuum cleaner whirring]

  • - Clean deeper, harder.

  • - Dingernauts, may I introduce to you the master of his craft,

  • the lord of deep space,

  • the savior of the known universe and our god--

  • the Pork E. Pine!

  • - Are you guys ready to rock, antigravity style?

  • Not this time, Schwartzman.

  • - Come on up for a group picture.

  • - Halt! Where do you think you're going?

  • There's still gum underneath half of these tables.

  • Keep cleaning.

  • - What have you done with my people?

  • - These are my people now,

  • and as you said in "Pork Apocalypto" chapter 8,

  • "There's no loyalty in space."

  • - [wails] Hoisted by my own petard!

  • - Waah!

  • - They're coming!

  • - Make sure they can really see the soap.

  • - You didn't give me a walkie-talkie!

  • - Hide, Pete!

  • Hide!

  • [mysterious music]

  • Take it. Take it.

  • [truck door closes]

  • Oh!

  • [truck beeping]

  • - They didn't like it!

  • - Just clean it up.

  • - What'd you say?

  • - Toss it!

  • You know, this is a valuable lesson, Pete.

  • Some men can't be bought,

  • and some unions can't be defeated.

  • Always be knowing when to hold 'em

  • and when to fold 'em.

  • Fold 'em.

  • - What are you doing? - We're taking our payment.

  • - You're not stealing our balls.

  • - Balls? These are gravitons.

  • And we had a contract. - No, we didn't.

  • - Episode one, section three, the contract states--

  • - Okay, this is real life.

  • You do not steal balls from kids, you Dingernauts.

  • Plus, you do not want to take these home.

  • You know how many times we've cleaned these balls?

  • Never! No time.

  • - [sniffs] - But...

  • we worked hard for these gravitons.

  • - Well, you're not taking them.

  • - The Mosqueezo has shown her true form.

  • - Just like she did before the fall of the Laser Locusts.

  • - We will succeed where the Laser Locusts failed.

  • Let the rebellion begin!

  • [all imitating alarm blaring]

  • - Stop it!

  • Dinger, your idiot fans are robbing us.

  • - It's the uprising.

  • Have they taken any hostages?

  • - You aren't leaving until you crap out a butterfly!

  • - I hate, hate, hate, hate to admit this,

  • but I think we're gonna need to work together.

  • - Nags the Mosqueezo joining the forces of good...

  • interesting plot twist.

  • Would you swear allegiance to me?

  • - As Nags the Mosqueezo,

  • I declare that you may keep all the gravitons

  • you have rightfully earned.

  • - But as VIP Dingernauts,

  • you now have the opportunity to purchase passes

  • to see the last feature of our tour--

  • Ermagerd and her third.

  • - Wait. The whole thing or just the nipple?

  • - All of it, for all of your gravitons.

  • [all whispering indistinctly]

  • - Deal. - Thank God.

  • Hand over the balls.

  • - Welcome.

  • Come closer, and I will reveal the third to you.

  • [magical futuristic music]

  • - Boobs are magic.

  • - Help!

  • Anyone?

  • Puberty's a bitch.

- Pork E. adjusted his silver codpiece,

Subtitles and vocabulary

Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles

B1 pete slipping dinger pork velvet beeping

【CC中英字幕】Smosh - 兼職生第一季第七集:失敗同人誌

  • 521 4
    呂旻鴻 posted on 2016/07/06
Video vocabulary