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  • Being dropped.

  • It will happen to us all at some point.

  • So, negotiating a pain with a measure of reason belongs to the art of living.

  • A number of tips suggest themselves.

  • Firstly, don't attempt to minimize what's happened.

  • Being brave has no place here.

  • Allow your sadness so much room, so much time, so many melancholic songs, hot baths, and indulgent meals.

  • You'll eventually bore yourself back into an appetite for life.

  • Secondly, believe them when they said it.

  • Don't imagine that their past sweetness and kind words provide any covert indications of future commitment.

  • Kill any remaining hope yourself, if they didn't quite have the courage to do so themselves.

  • Don't imagine that anyone can love on command.

  • The capacity to feel attracted lies outside the will.

  • It isn't a question of them not trying hard enough.

  • Remove morality from it.

  • They were not being bad for not loving, and nor were you good for wanting them.

  • You were both on the search for pleasure that took you down different and conflicting routes.

  • Our conscious minds ride like tiny boats on the swells of unconscious psychoanalytic and biological seas.

  • So don't turn this into a morality tale.

  • They acted weirdly around the breakup, not because they were bad or indeed unsure, they just felt terribly guilty because they're nice, which doesn't, though, mean that they want you.

  • Many of us are predisposed to think especially well of people who don't want us.

  • It feeds into our reserves of self-hatred.

  • But this isn't romanticism.

  • It's an illness.

  • The true challenge is to stop being so revolted by people who do in fact want us and so admiring of those who don't.

  • Think back to when you rejected people: You didn't hate or regret them.

  • The chief emotions are embarrassment and pity.

  • Don't connect up the rejection with everything you fear and hate about being you.

  • Don't accuse them of cowardice.

  • Don't exaggerate their qualities.

  • Don't insist on their uniqueness.

  • Don't offer them sex in the hope of changing their mind.

  • Don't imagine that people can fall back in love with someone out of pity or of guilt, and don't defensively maintain that they had a fear of intimacy.

  • Just try to laugh and have a few rounds of casual sex, if that helps.

  • But above all, don't keep thinking of the end of this relationship as tragically sad.

  • The only good relationship, the only relationship worth mourning, would be one to which two people desperately wanted to belong.

  • And this wasn't, in the end, despite all the promising signs, that kind of relationship at all.

Being dropped.

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B1 UK relationship morality pity imagine rejection admiring

How To Get Over Rejection

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    VoiceTube posted on 2016/06/28
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