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  • man: ONLY COST US A PACK OF SMOKES PER MAN.

  • I MADE MY USUAL 20 PERCENT, OF COURSE.

  • cop: SO THIS BIGSHOT LAWYER

  • CALLS ME LONG DISTANCE FROM TEXAS. I SAY, "YEAH?"

  • HE SAYS, "SORRY TO INFORM YOU, BUT YOUR BROTHER JUST DIED."

  • - OH, DAMN, BYRON, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

  • - I'M NOT, HE WAS AN ASSHOLE. RAN OFF YEARS AGO.

  • FIGURED HIM FOR DEAD ANYWAY.

  • SO ANYWAY, THIS LAWYER FELLOW SAYS TO ME,

  • "YOUR BROTHER DIED A RICH MAN."

  • OIL WELLS AND SHIT. CLOSE TO A MILLION BUCKS.

  • - A MILLION BUCKS? - YEAH.

  • FUCKING INCREDIBLE HOW LUCKY SOME ASSHOLES GET.

  • - JEEZ-LOUISE! YOU'RE GONNA SEE ANY OF THAT?

  • - THIRTY-FIVE THOUSAND. THAT'S WHAT HE LEFT ME.

  • - DOLLARS? - YEAH.

  • - HOLY SHIT! THAT'S GREAT!

  • THAT'S LIKE WINNING THE SWEEPSTAKES! ISN'T IT?

  • - DUMBSHIT, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE GOVERNMENT'S GONNA DO TO ME?

  • TAKE A BIG WET BITE OUT OF MY ASS IS WHAT.

  • POOR BYRON. TERRIBLE FUCKING LUCK, EH?

  • - CRYING SHAME. SOME PEOPLE REALLY GOT IT AWFUL.

  • ANDY, YOU NUTS? KEEP YOUR EYES ON YOUR MOP, MAN. ANDY!

  • - WELL, ALL RIGHT YOU'RE GONNA PAY SOME TAXES,

  • BUT YOU WILL STILL END UP...

  • - OH, YEAH, YEAH, MAYBE ENOUGH TO BUY A NEW CAR, AND THEN WHAT?

  • I GOT TO PAY TAX ON THE CAR. REPAIR, MAINTENANCE.

  • GODDAMN KIDS PESTERING ME

  • TO TAKE 'EM FOR A RIDE ALL THE TIME.

  • THEN AT THE END OF THE YEAR, YOU FIGURE THE TAX WRONG,

  • YOU GOTTA PAY 'EM OUT OF YOUR OWN POCKET.

  • I TELL YOU. UNCLE SAM...

  • HE PUTS HIS HAND IN YOUR SHIRT.

  • AND SQUEEZES YOUR TIT TILL IT'S PURPLE.

  • - ANDY? ANDY! - WHAT'S HE DOING?

  • - HE'S GETTING HIMSELF KILLED. - KEEP TARRING.

  • - SOME BROTHER. SHIT! - HEY!

  • - MR. HADLEY. DO YOU TRUST YOUR WIFE?

  • - WELL, THAT'S FUNNY. YOU'RE GONNA LOOK FUNNIER

  • SUCKING MY DICK WITH NO TEETH.

  • - WHAT I MEAN IS, DO YOU THINK SHE'D GO BEHIND YOUR BACK?

  • TRY TO HAMSTRING YOU?

  • - THAT'S IT. STEP ASIDE, MERT.

  • THIS FUCKER'S HAVING HIMSELF AN ACCIDENT.

  • - HE'S GONNA PUSH HIM OFF THE ROOF.

  • - BECAUSE IF YOU DO TRUST HER,

  • THERE IS NO REASON YOU CAN'T KEEP THAT 35,000!

  • - WHAT DID YOU SAY? - 35,000.

  • - 35000? - ALL OF IT.

  • - ALL OF IT? - EVERY PENNY.

  • - YOU BETTER START MAKING SENSE.

  • - IF YOU WANT TO KEEP ALL THAT MONEY, GIVE IT TO YOUR WIFE.

  • THE IRS ALLOWS A ONE-TIME-ONLY GIFT TO YOUR SPOUSE

  • FOR UP TO 60,000 DOLLARS. - BULL SHIT! TAX FREE?

  • - TAX FREE. IRS CAN'T TOUCH ONE CENT.

  • - YOU'RE THAT SMART BANKER WHO KILLED HIS WIFE, AREN'T YOU?

  • WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE A SMART BANKER LIKE YOU?

  • SO I CAN END UP IN HERE WITH YOU?

  • - IT'S PERFECTLY LEGAL. GO ASK THE IRS,

  • THEY'LL SAY THE SAME THING. ACTUALLY, I FEEL STUPID

  • TELLING YOU THIS. I'M SURE YOU WOULD HAVE

  • INVESTIGATED THE MATTER YOURSELF.

  • - YEAH, FUCKING A! I DON'T NEED NO SMART WIFE-KILLING BANKER

  • TO TELL ME WHERE THE BEAR SHIT IN THE BUCKWHEAT.

  • - OF COURSE NOT. BUT YOU DO NEED SOMEONE

  • TO SET UP THE TAX-FREE GIFT FOR YOU,

  • AND THAT'LL COST YOU. A LAWYER, FOR EXAMPLE...

  • - BUNCH OF BALL-WASHING BASTARDS.

  • - RIGHT. I SUPPOSE I COULD SET IT UP FOR YOU.

  • THAT WOULD SAVE YOU SOME MONEY.

  • IF YOU GET THE FORMS, I'LL PREPARE THEM FOR YOU.

  • NEARLY FREE OF CHARGE.

  • I'D ONLY ASK THREE BEERS APIECE FOR EACH OF MY CO-WORKERS.

  • - [laughs] CO-WORKERS. GET HIM, THAT'S RICH, AIN'T IT?

  • - I THINK A MAN WORKING OUTDOORS FEELS MORE LIKE A MAN

  • IF HE CAN HAVE A BOTTLE OF SUDS. THAT'S ONLY MY OPINION, SIR.

  • - WHAT ARE JIMMIES STARING AT? BACK TO WORK!

  • - LET'S GO! WORK!

  • man: AND THAT'S HOW IT CAME TO PASS.

  • THAT ON THE SECOND-TO-LAST DAY OF THE JOB,

  • THE CONVICT CREW THAT TARRED THE PLATE FACTORY ROOF

  • IN THE SPRING OF '49, WOUND UP SITTING IN A ROW

  • AT TEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING,

  • DRINKING ICY COLD BOHEMIA STYLE BEER.

  • COURTESY OF THE HARDEST SCREW THAT EVER WALKED A TURN

  • AT SHAWSHANK STATE PRISON.

  • - DRINK UP WHILE IT'S COLD, LADIES.

  • man: THE COLOSSAL PRICK EVEN MANAGED TO SOUND MAGNANIMOUS.

  • WE SAT AND DRANK WITH THE SUN ON OUR SHOULDERS

  • AND FELT LIKE FREE MEN.

  • HELL, WE COULD'VE BEEN TARRING THE ROOF

  • OF ONE OF OUR OWN HOUSES.

  • WE WERE THE LORDS OF ALL CREATION.

  • AS FOR ANDY, HE SPENT THAT BREAK HUNKERED IN THE SHADE,

  • A STRANGE LITTLE SMILE ON HIS FACE,

  • WATCHING US DRINK HIS BEER.

  • - HEY. WANT A COLD ONE, ANDY?

  • - NO, THANKS. I GAVE UP DRINKING.

  • man: YOU COULD ARGUE HE'D DONE IT

  • TO CURRY FAVOR WITH THE GUARDS.

  • OR MAYBE MAKE A FEW FRIENDS AMONG US CONS.

  • ME, I THINK HE DID IT JUST TO FEEL NORMAL AGAIN...

  • IF ONLY FOR A SHORT WHILE.

  • KING ME.

man: ONLY COST US A PACK OF SMOKES PER MAN.

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