What are emotions and how do they work?

Emotions are often feared and avoided, because they are so painful.

So, why focus on emotions?

Because emotions give you important information.

And tell you whether things are going your way.

Emotions help you to survive.

By providing an efficient, automatic way of responding rapidly to important situations.

Emotions help you to relate to other people and the expectations and demands of life.

Emotions tell you what you need. When you know what you need, you can take action to meet those needs.

Emotions also communicate what you feel.

You learn your emotional reactions through experience.

All your negative experiences can turn into a big, black and scary feeling inside

You learned many of your emotional reactions long ago.

(Ouch)

Your black shadow will therefore sometimes resemble a person who hurt you in the past.

But your emotional experience and reactions can always be changed or altered.

First, you need to know something about what your emotions are.

You have different basic emotions, some of which arouse you.

And some that calm you down.

These are: Shame... Fear...

Sadness…

Anger…

Disgust…

Happiness…

And surprise or interest

You have more unpleasant emotion than pleasant ones.

That means you often suffer quite a lot, but that's because the unpleasant emotions help you survive.

Feelings also tend to be more unpleasant if you fight them. If you allow them to be there,

they become less unpleasant. You can experience and express many different feelings.

Like feeling hopeless, irritated, anxious, excited, lonely,

embarrassed, suspicious, content and so on.

These feelings all arise from your basic emotions. For instance, feeling suspicious springs from fear.

And feeling lonely springs from sadness.

And then it gets complicated.

Emotions do not always provide you and your surroundings with good information.

Sometimes you fake emotions to get what you want.

At other times you cover up your "real" emotions with other emotions.

If you act like this.. (angry)

..when you really feel like this (sad)

And your need is compassion and comfort, you will instead drive people away.

If you or someone around you is supportive, patient and curious enough to try to understand you.

You might realize that you are sad, and then get what you need to heal your painful emotion.

At other times again, your "real" emotions are messed up, and make a lot of trouble for you.

If you were scared a lot when you were a child.

You might grow up having a core feeling of being afraid.

You might over-protect yourself, so that no one can hurt you ever again.

Everyone who was hurt badly as a child has a deep need to feel safe, and a desire for someone to love them and connect with them.

And heavy protection doesn't give you this (love/attention).

You can tell or show someone you trust, that you are afraid.

You can welcome the feeling of being afraid and listen to it, instead of ignoring it and covering it up.

And the fear will then become more manageable.

You can also change fear by means of self-compassion and assertive anger.

You can stand up for yourself, without driving people away.

You can handle criticism, even if it hurts.

You can take the chance, and let people in, even if you are afraid of getting hurt again.

You feel and function better when you are aware of and deal with your "real" emotions, even if they are painful.

Your real emotions help you to get what you really need, both from yourself and others.

You feel and function better when your "real" emotions are fresh and new, instead of stuck old feelings.

You can trust your emotions if doing so gives you what you need.

Stuck and misguiding emotions can change if you:

Learn to attend to your emotions.

Are curious and patient with your own emotions.

Talk about and show your real emotions.

Learn to accept having different emotions.

And change emotions with emotions.

And all of this is easier to do with the empathy and support of another person.