I'm going home.

I know breaking up sucks, but you know what's even worse?

Wasting a night in New York City.

Let me teach you

how to be single.

Go get us some drinks.

Ok.

No! You don't buy the drinks, boys buy the drinks!

Not with this wallet, with this sausage wallet.

Hey, what's up, y'all? I don't know why I just said "y'all"... "You all" would have taken just as much time...

Oh my god. Can I have two margaritas?

Oh my god.

You need to get out!

You're in MY apartement!

This is not my apartment...

Sorry. You were great last night.

Was I?

I can't remember.

You're a pretty girl.

This is new York City, there's like a billion people outside that door.

In every male/female friendship, there's a total number of drinks...

Four, five...

And if you hit that, it means you will definitely have sex.

If I had more than five drinks, I'd hook up with you.

My drink number is 27. I wouldn't even touch myself on less than 24.

- I want a one night stand. - What about the guy over there?

No! He's too young.

I'm Ken.

Is this one of those fetish things, where you're, like, a foot fetish? Am I the foot?

Do you want... to be the foot ?

To no drama.

To no drama.

We have to be at work in like 30 minutes.

I can do this in 20.

Step 1!

That stuff is for babies!

Babies with hangovers.

Are we good?

Payment accepted.

Let's go!

YES!

Welcome to the party!

If Tom texts you, wait 4 hours to respond.

And if you use an emoji, I will tit-punch you.

No!

Emoji?

The thing about being single is...

you should cherish it.

Oh my god, stop having a moment!

You really need to get that taken care of.

What do you mean? I barely have any hair.

You should close your legs, there's a reason I stopped watching Duck Dynasty.

Is that Tom Hanks from "Castaway"?!

Seriously, it's like Gandalf is staring right at me!

NO PENIS SHALL PASS!