>> [APPLAUSE].

>> I love her so much, she impersonates me on Saturday Night Live.

She's beautiful, she's charming, she's smart, she's hilarious,

she's me is what she is.

She really is hilarious.

But it's weird to have somebody do impressions of you because when you hear

it you're like well, that's such an exaggeration.

It's funny, but it doesn't sound like me at all.

And then, the next day your friends call you up and they're like did you see Kate

on SNL, she sounded exactly like you >> [LAUGH]

>> But she does exaggerate,

she always says I'm Ellen, I'm Ellen.

I don't know what that is, I'm Ellen like cuz I don't even say I'm Ellen.

>> [NOISE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> That feels nice, I'm Ellen.

>> [LAUGH] >> So that's how you say it, I'm Ellen.

>> I'm Ellen. >> I'm Ellen.

>> No, I'm Ellen and I got this blondie, step aside.

>> [LAUGH].

>> You're gonna do the monologue?

>> What, that's right, cuz I'm Ellen, so scoot.

>> [LAUGH] >> Hi, everyone.

Happy Wednesday.

I got to tell you about something that happened last night up at the house.

Portia and I got a puppy and- >> [LAUGH]

>> We named it Kid

to make it sound like we have a kid.

Funny enough, Kid is also a baby goat and I love baby goats, I love them.

I love baby goats.

True story, I once went on a ski vacation with a baby goat.

>> Okay. Well, that's-

>> [LAUGH]

>> That's not a true story.

>> Okay.

So anyway, I'm up at the house and all of a sudden one of the kitty, kitty,

kitty cats.

>> Why do you say kitty, kitty, kitty?

I don't say kitty, kitty cats.

>> [LAUGH] >> Yes you do you little kitty cat.

>> [LAUGH] >> I put together a reel of a few

of the times you said it.

Do we have that clip?

Now let me tell y'all about my kitty, kitty, kitty cats.

After having spent the weekend with my kitty, kitty, kitty cats.

Well enough about my kitty, kitty, kitty cats.

Kitty, kitty, kitty cats.

See? >> That was you.

>> No you did it.

>> [APPLAUSE] >> All right.

>> Yep.

Okay. >> You're catching on quick.

>> It doesn't count.

>> Anyway, one of the kitty, kitty, kitty cats jumps on the bed, right on the head.

And then Kid, that's the puppy, not the goat, though I do love baby goats.

Jumps right on the bed, right on Portia's head and suddenly the rest of the cats

jump up on the bed and the rest of the dogs, and one of Portia's horses.

And there's animals everywhere and I can't find the remote.

And I'm laying there thinking I'm Ellen.

>> [APPLAUSE] >> All right.

>> [APPLAUSE] >> I'm Ellen.

>> It did not happen.

None of that happened.

>> Well it did, I'm Ellen.

>> Okay, if you're Ellen, do you know what happens next?

>> Yeah, course I do.

I'm Ellen, and we dance.

>> All right.

>> [APPLAUSE]

[MUSIC]