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  • Have I ever told you the story about how I met your grandfather?

  • He was a charmer.

  • I was at the park one day when this man walked up that I'd never met and said, "I've been staring at you for the last hour. You're all I can think about."

  • My heart was a flutter.

  • This guy was just staring at me. Then he walks up and essentially says he's obsessed with me.

  • I took him for a playboy so I declined, of course.

  • But your grandfather was persistent. He wouldn't take no for an answer.

  • I told him flat out, I wasn't interested. But he wouldn't take a hand.

  • He sent two dozen roses to my office.

  • I show up to work and there are two fucking bushels of roses on my desk.

  • My co-workers thought my mom died.

  • He finally won me over and I agreed to go out with him that night.

  • I said I would have one drink with him, in a public place.

  • When he pulled up at my house, he looked at me and smiled. And I said, "Why are you so happy?"

  • And he said, "Because I have a date with a girl that I'm gonna marry."

  • Yeah, he fucking said that.

  • We were dancing and when this other boy tried to cut in, your grandfather sucked him right in the jaw.

  • He punched Mike. We were just dancing.

  • I still have a necklace he gave me that night. It was a family heirloom.

  • He asked me to wear his mother's pearls.

  • After our date, he wrote me the most beautiful love letter with his most animate feelings.

  • I feel like I've known you my entire life.

  • Again, after hanging out once.

  • Of course, my father didn't approve. So, he sneak up the rain pipe and climb in my window.

  • This fucking psycho shows up to my apartment at 2 a.m. without so much as a text.

  • I called the cops and I didn't put down the kitchen knife until they showed up.

  • From then on, we were inseparable. We've married for 50 wonderful years.

  • I bought a handgun, moved to a new burrow and legally changed my name.

  • I still think about him everyday.

  • What was that?

  • Hey guys, I'm Murf from College Humor.

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Have I ever told you the story about how I met your grandfather?

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