Name: Why Funerals Are A Total Ripoff
Uploaded: 2016-01-15T18:11:10.000Z
Duration: 3 min 59 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Adverbs of manner

The concept of "last words" is as silly as the rest of this.

Wait, are you trying to ruin funerals? This is how people grieve.

Yeah. Which is why it's so tragic that the American funeral industry needlessly exploits that grief for profit.

Case in point: the expensive and useless process of embalming which was popularized during the civil war.

After Lincoln was assassinated, the government paraded his corpse around the country

in order to showcase the hero's sacrifice.

But, that's not what the people took away from it.

Oh my gosh, Abe has been dead for weeks and he still looks fly as hell.

Honestly, anyone who is anyone gets pumped full of chemicals.

But for those of us whose bodies aren't going on tour, embalming is totally pointless.

Why would you need to be preserved right before they bury you in the dirt?

Excuse me. Embalming gives dignity to the deceased.

-Yes, it's respectful. -"Respectful?" What do you think embalming is?

Embalming is the least respectful thing you can do to a body.

First: the jaw is wired shut; the eyes are sealed with glue.

Then, the internal organs are punctured and drained through a hole in the abdomen.

After that, they pump the arteries full of formaldehyde

and stuff the internal cavities full of cotton.

Okay! Stop! Enough, enough, enough, enough!

I don't want to puke in front of a dead body.

But the entire process is a pointless waste of time.

Because even though funeral directors tell their vulnerable, grieving customers:

Embalming is necessary if you want an open casket.

Refrigeration is cheaper and just as effective as embalming

and the World Health Organization states that dead bodies pose nearly no health risks to the living.

It's completely safe to touch them. Here, watch!

-That's weird. -Yeah, but it's still safe.

Which is ironic because formaldehyde isn't safe. It's a carcinogen.

Just one reason: these guys charge a graveload of money to do it

Let's not talk about the body so much, let's talk about how beautiful this casket is.

Yeah, it better be beautiful. It's one of the most expensive things you'll ever buy.

Funeral homes can charge upwards of 10 grand for a coffin.

The lid is titanium-steel. It's lined with mink fur and it comes with free WiFi.

Ahem! Well, for those who don't love their pa-pop, we do have this "My Loved One Deserved to Die" model.

You will need to decide quickly, the funeral is tomorrow.

Hell, you might as well be burried with 10 thousand dollars in cash.

Well, it's nice to support local businesses.

Actually, a lot of local funeral homes are owned by a megacorporation named SCI

that buys up mom-and-pop shops but keeps the old name so no one notices.

Whelp, maybe you'll believe SCI treasurer Aaron Foley who told investors:

Because you didn't confront your mortality and decide how you'd want to be buried while you were still alive,

Murph will probably bankrupt himself getting you a regular funeral.

In fact, because you didn't plan ahead, everything about your death will suck!

I know I'm literally dying, but you are the worst part of my day.

If you liked that clip, make sure to check out my new show, Adam Ruins Everything,

It's gonna ruin your Tuesday, but, trust me, the rest of your week'll be fine.