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  • -Welcome to another exciting episode of Are You Unemployed.

  • Here's your host, the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • -Hello, jobless Americans.

  • The unemployment figures have been released.

  • So it's time to see if you're officially unemployed.

  • Let's meet our contestants.

  • Contestant number one, you were recently laid off.

  • Have you found a new job?

  • -No way.

  • No one's hiring right now.

  • I haven't even bothered to look.

  • [BUZZER]

  • -I'm sorry.

  • You are not in the labor market and, therefore, are not

  • officially unemployed.

  • Contestant number two, it says here

  • you lost your job as an auto worker.

  • Have you found a new one?

  • -No, not yet.

  • The industry isn't doing so well.

  • I need a job, but I stopped looking

  • because the plants closed down.

  • [BUZZER]

  • -Oh, I'm sorry.

  • You're not working, but you are not officially

  • unemployed either.

  • Contestant number three, you were an airline pilot

  • until a recent downsizing.

  • Have you found work?

  • -Well, I'm still looking for a real job.

  • All I could get was four hours a week at the Home Center.

  • [BUZZER]

  • -Oh, no, that four hours counts as employed.

  • Contestant number four, you lost your job as a stockbroker.

  • Have you found another?

  • -No, I haven't yet.

  • But I did look in the classifieds last week.

  • [TYPING]

  • [HEARTBEAT]

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • -Congratulations, contestant number four.

  • You get to be counted in the official unemployment rate.

  • -But what about the other contestants?

  • They're jobless.

  • Why don't they count?

  • -Well, if we included them, that would

  • make the number much worse.

  • But we can't go around including millions

  • of more jobless Americans.

  • It could start a panic, and we'd be totally screw--

  • [BEEPING]

  • -This program has been canceled due to the recession.

  • [BEEPING]

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

-Welcome to another exciting episode of Are You Unemployed.

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