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  • I’m just saying, we could

  • shave off 15% if we just move

  • manufacturing to Honduras.

  • Then do it.

  • Why are we even talking?

  • Because you still haven't

  • signed mom's birthday card.

  • [sighs]

  • Oh, there he is.

  • What’s up, Ashley?

  • [Menacingly] Shane.

  • [Normal voice] H.R. says I'm

  • moving to a bigger desk.

  • Well, that's true, because in

  • its own special way, the

  • sidewalk is the biggest desk

  • of all.

  • Youre so--what?

  • Youre fired.

  • and re-hired.

  • Peekabooski.

  • [Sighs] Law here.

  • Can’t wait to frag some

  • newb skillets.

  • [Laughter]

  • Who’s this dickhead?

  • This is New Law.

  • His demos are through the roof.

  • Girls can't get enough of his

  • toothpaste smile, and guys are

  • busting a nut over his sweet

  • skills.

  • You can't--

  • No, no, I bust the nuts.

  • I’m the law.

  • It’s my name.

  • It’s my I.P.!

  • All of which you signed over

  • to Napalm Energy Corporation.

  • including your butt, which

  • no one asked you to do,

  • So you can have that back.

  • You signed your butt over

  • to them?

  • No wonder girls don't respond

  • to his brand.

  • [Laughter]

  • Were gonna need you to be

  • out of the office by lunch,

  • Laurence.

  • Ash, about mom's birthday

  • card...

  • Oh, oh, oh.

  • it's your mother's birthday?

  • Oh, what a special day.

  • Mrs. Barnstormer is an

  • inspiration to this whole

  • company.

  • Don’t mind if I do.

  • [snaps fingers]

  • Yow!

  • Oh!

  • My WASDs!

  • Whoops.

  • Oh, my bad.

  • Sorry about that.

  • [shrieking]

  • Well, good-bye.

  • [shrieking]

  • That guy is classic.

  • [shrieking]

  • [Rock music]

  • Don't want to hear

  • About how the real worlds

  • the place for me

  • There's nothing out there

  • won't look better

  • on a TV screen

  • There's a better way

  • ♪ I don't care what you say

  • ♪ I just want to play

  • We all just want to play

  • Things will be all right

  • Soon as I get back to school

  • ♪ ♪

  • Once the E.R. guy said

  • Clutch’s big toe was okay,

  • We rushed right back to the

  • school, but...

  • I was driving too fast.

  • Ted, you should have been

  • more careful.

  • I know.

  • It’s just--

  • My phone had died, and you

  • didn't know where I was, and...

  • I didn't want to ruin your prom.

  • I’m just happy you're okay.

  • You are...

  • Okay, right?

  • It’s been a rough couple of

  • weeks, Ki.

  • But you know what?

  • Thisll give me time to think.

  • It’s so unfair that they're

  • keeping you here.

  • It’s only three weeks

  • detention, Kiwi.

  • Time’s up.

  • go win that election, babe.

  • I’ll miss having lunch with

  • you.

  • [sighs]

  • [Handsome as Sin -

  • Tell Me How You Died]

  • ♪ ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • ♪ I’m the breathing' ♪

  • on the other line

  • The hate causin' pain

  • from another time

  • ♪ I’m the barrel

  • and the shotgun spray

  • ♪ I’m the son of a bitch

  • Who took your daddy away

  • Yeah

  • Tuck your head down

  • ♪ 'cause I’m comin' your way

  • and I can guarantee

  • You don't want me to stay

  • yeah

  • ♪ ♪

  • ♪ I’m the white hairs

  • in the old man's beard

  • the news in the paper

  • that you don't want to hear

  • ♪ I’m the aching

  • in the young man's brain

  • The smell of the lover

  • that drove you insane

  • ♪ I’m a glass house

  • throwin' all my stones

  • The fears you can feel

  • All the way in your bones

  • ♪ I’m a barrel

  • and the shotgun blast

  • ♪ I’m a kick in your back

  • knockin' you on your ass

  • yeah

  • tuck your head down

  • ♪ 'cause I’m coming your way

  • [Cheers and applause]

  • tuck your head down

  • ♪ 'cause I’m coming your way

  • and I can guarantee

  • ♪ ♪

  • [Cheers and applause]

  • [Cheers and applause]

  • tuck your head down

  • ♪ 'cause I’m coming your way

  • Yeah

  • and I can guarantee

  • You don't want me to stay

  • tuck your head down

  • ♪ 'cause I’m coming your way

  • and I can guarantee

  • You don't want me to stay

  • You got shanked, brother.

  • Aw, man.

  • Ted Wong, it's time.

  • One pair of sunglasses, black.

  • One mechanical pencil,

  • .5 millimeter.

  • Three sticks of bubble gum,

  • winter fresh.

  • I remember having four.

  • [Gum pops]

  • One jewel-encrusted

  • Tomowachi, engraving...

  • "To Josh, happy 8th birthday,

  • Love mom."

  • It’s dead.

  • [gasps]

  • Oh, crap!

  • Oh!

  • Aah!

  • Oh, crap, oh, crap, oh, crap.

  • Ah, jeez.

  • Youre feeding him, right,

  • and teaching him new tricks,

  • and cleaning his poop?

  • You got to clean his poop, Ted.

  • Uh-huh.

  • He’s fine.

  • He’s just sleeping right now.

  • He’s sleeping?

  • It’s noon.

  • What did you do to him?

  • Hmm?

  • Show him to me.

  • He’s in my room, and you will

  • get to see him when your team

  • votes for Ki.

  • Oh, no, Ted.

  • My guys don't vote until I know

  • He’s okay.

  • You got that?

  • Yes, fine.

  • I’ll send you a picture.

  • He better be smiling, ted.

  • He better be smiling!

  • Ladies and gentlemen,

  • Pwners and Zwners, today is

  • The day--

  • Napalm versus VGHS.

  • Two incredible teams,

  • two incredible captains,

  • but only one will go on

  • to the fps championship.

  • Let’s talk jenny matrix.

  • She’s still a sophomore.

  • This is her first year on

  • varsity, and this is the biggest

  • game of her career.

  • Can she handle the pressure?

  • According to my readouts...

  • No.

  • There you have it.

  • He’s here.

  • Jacques Letoure and his scout

  • are coming to the game.

  • What?

  • Wait. Why?

  • Why?

  • To see you play, and they want

  • to meet you after the game.

  • Word on the street is they're

  • losing their backup sniper.

  • Okay, so this--this is--

  • this is real.

  • Mm-hmm, Ashley’s the only

  • other player they're looking at.

  • You kick his ass, and you will

  • be packing your bags, because

  • you will be going to Paris.

  • Hey, it's a really, really

  • good thing.

  • Get your war face on.

  • Mom...

  • I have to tell Brian.

  • [sighs]

  • and I don't--I don't even

  • know what to say.

  • You still want this, right?

  • Yeah, more than anything.

  • Then you tell him that,

  • and you hope that he

  • understands.

  • Yeah.

  • Hey, hey, guys.

  • [Laughter]

  • Oh-ho, what is that?

  • Dude.

  • Hey, guys.

  • Jenny, hey.

  • Were just--

  • Yeah, sorry to interrupt.

  • Hey, I was just, um...

  • I was wondering, do you want to

  • come over for dinner tonight?

  • I’ll cook.

  • Youll cook?

  • Mm-hmm.

  • okay.

  • Okay, great.

  • So I’ll see you tonight after

  • the game.

  • Yeah.

  • Uh...

  • is everything okay?

  • Yeah. Yes.

  • Yeah, definitely.

  • I just wanted to talk to you,

  • Just you and me, talking,

  • you know, just you and me.

  • it's nothing.

  • Um...

  • [Clears throat] I’m gonna go

  • vote before the game.

  • okay.

  • Oh, my god!

  • That’s so cute!

  • What?

  • do we need to draw you a map?

  • A map?

  • To where?

  • To sex town, Brian.

  • 'cause that's where you're

  • headed, and when you get there,

  • you're having sex with jenny.

  • Mm-hmm.

  • What?

  • No, stop being weird.

  • think about it, dude.

  • She wants to cook you dinner

  • tonight after the big game.

  • Just the two of you.

  • She cook you a lot of

  • dinners, Brian?

  • I mean, she burned us popcorn

  • once, and then we made out

  • afterwards.

  • Oh, my god.

  • That was just popcorn, dude.

  • Tonight you get the full course.

  • Uh-huh.

  • Youre getting dessert.

  • Boom!

  • Ah-roo-gah!

  • Honk-honk!

  • Yeah!

  • You the man!

  • Youre the man, Brian!

  • [All shouting lewdly]

  • Oh, yeah!

  • The guy's a king.

  • [Dial-up connections whirring]

  • That’s three more votes

  • from the puzzle gamers.

  • Yes.

  • [whispering] uh, Ki, can

  • I talk to you for a second?

  • Hi.

  • Youre back.

  • Hi.

  • Um...

  • So, about the M.M.O. guild...

  • there's news on

  • the M.M.O. guild?

  • Do we have it confirmed?

  • Will they hold?

  • What?

  • did we get their votes?

  • Duh.

  • Just talked to josh.

  • Everything’s gonna be fine.

  • [Applause]

  • Everyone, we can do this.

  • [All cheering]

  • Youre the best, ted.

  • This is a one-round game of

  • hostage rescue.

  • The first team to extract their

  • hostage to the helipad wins.

  • Captains, have you picked your

  • hostages?

  • Jumpin' Jax.

  • Ashley barnstormer.

  • This guy.

  • Game starts in 60 seconds.

  • Let’s get it crackin'.

  • All right, bring it in.

  • [Claps hands]

  • All right, this is the real

  • deal, kids.

  • This is your moment.

  • If you win this game, you will

  • have sex with my daughter.

  • Get Jax on that helicopter,

  • and we are going to the

  • championship.

  • Now, go out there and make me

  • proud.

  • Go!

  • Brian...

  • You seem distracted.

  • Did Jenny talk to you?

  • Oh, about...

  • About what's going to happen

  • After the game?

  • Oh. Um...

  • Okay, I know this is awkward

  • because I’m her mom, and

  • whatever happens between you two

  • is between you two.

  • But I can't have it affecting

  • your game out there.

  • No, no, it won't.

  • Really?

  • Because you look pretty frazzled

  • Right now.

  • Okay, fine. Um...

  • I’m sort of freaking out just a

  • little bit, because, like,

  • you know, it's a big change

  • in our relationship.

  • Well, change is coming,

  • Brian, whether you want it to

  • or not.

  • and it's gonna hurt.

  • It is?

  • Yeah, it hurts.

  • but jenny has dreamed about this

  • her entire life, so don't ruin

  • it for her.

  • Okay, you go out there, and you

  • do your job.

  • Let’s do it.

  • [Rapid gunfire]

  • Brian d. is falling apart out

  • there.

  • Give that boy some crazy glue.

  • [Gunshot]

  • Oh, come on, Brian.

  • Man, your team kind of sucks,

  • Especially Brian.

  • Well, good thing you won't have

  • to play with them when you're in

  • Paris this summer.

  • [sighs] look, I get it.

  • You put yourself in here to

  • screw with me.

  • It’s not gonna work.

  • Jenny, you got me all wrong.

  • I’m just lazy.

  • Besides, the law has got this

  • in the bag.

  • You remember the law, don't you?

  • [Telephone ringing]

  • [Chirpy indistinct speech]

  • But I thought we had a deal.

  • [Chirpy indistinct speech]

  • Okay.

  • I understand.

  • Everyone...

  • I just got word that the RPG

  • team voted for Shane.

  • damn it!

  • I thought we had it!

  • walk it off, Sebastian.

  • I thought we had it.

  • Okay, so we're gonna tear

  • down this wall for the shark

  • tank, and I’m thinking that the

  • zen garden can go right about

  • here.

  • Oh, hey, guys.

  • don't mind us.

  • What are you doing here

  • Shane?

  • Oh, I’m just getting a head

  • start on some of my presidential

  • duties.

  • This is gonna be my office.

  • This is our classroom.

  • Oh, don't worry.

  • it turns out there's an even

  • grosser, smellier basement

  • underneath this basement.

  • It’s all yours.

  • [clears throat]

  • Um, Shane, you can't do this.

  • This isn't how it works.

  • Oh, man, no grape pop?

  • Actually, they've got grape

  • down at the student center.

  • That’s all the way

  • across campus!

  • [Sighs] today blows.

  • Call my driver.

  • Make sure it's Steven.

  • It should always be Steven.

  • [chuckles]

  • Mm, yeah.

  • O’doyle, you have yoga in the

  • mornings, right?

  • Well, yoga's hard work.

  • I bet you wish you could have

  • some super sour straws on your

  • way back.

  • Oi, they're my favorite

  • candy, but you can only

  • get them--

  • In that vending machine next

  • to the weird mural in the

  • parking lot--

  • Too long a walk between classes.

  • What if I told you we could put

  • them here in the vending machine

  • next to Mr. Wong’s classroom.

  • I would say you're speaking

  • my language, Ki Swan.

  • You could move gummy worms

  • closer to the parkour funasium.

  • I could finally have

  • chocolate raisins on the way

  • to celebrity Pokermon.

  • go out and talk to every

  • voter you can.

  • Find out what favorite soda,

  • What favorite candy, favorite

  • treat they normally don't

  • have time to get on their way

  • to class, and you tell them

  • that Ki swan personally promises

  • that the snacks they want will

  • be in the vending machines

  • they need them to be in,

  • to get the snacks that they

  • normally don't have time to get,

  • but want!

  • Polls close in five hours.

  • Let’s get to work, people.

  • [exhales deeply]

  • Oh, I think I’m gonna be

  • sick.

  • It's just a Tomowachi.

  • I have the cutest Tomowachi

  • at home named hank.

  • This freaks me out!

  • Ki needs these votes.

  • All right?

  • And I need your help,

  • So let's go.

  • Clutch, get the camera.

  • D.K., help me with the body.

  • Theodore, stealing Joshua’s

  • virtual pet and threatening to

  • kill it, that's one thing.

  • that's cool.

  • But to actually kill it and

  • pretend it's alive?

  • That messed up.

  • You want to talk messed up

  • to the guy who's been in

  • detention for over three weeks?

  • Now, help me with the body

  • and teach me Photoshop.

  • 'tis a dark road upon which

  • you drift, Ted.

  • You go where we cannot follow.

  • Youre a monster.

  • Fine.

  • I don't even need your stinkin'

  • help anyway.

  • I thought we were bros!

  • Oh, my gosh.

  • get me out of here.

  • I want to play!

  • Ugh!

  • Stupid.

  • Hey, frag out!

  • Aah!

  • [Whimpers]

  • [sighs]

  • Jenny, your boyfriend's

  • having some real performance

  • issues.

  • Brian, get it together.

  • Dude, what is your deal?

  • I can't--can't focus.

  • Coach pretty much confirmed that

  • Jenny and I are doing it

  • tonight.

  • What?

  • How is that a problem?

  • [groans]

  • I don't know, man.

  • I’m really nervous about it.

  • Brian, you are literally

  • living every 16-year-old boy's

  • dream right now.

  • You go to a Video Game High

  • School.

  • Your smoking-hot girlfriend

  • wants to have sex with you.

  • And for some reason, her mom is

  • cool with it.

  • Youre right.

  • That is pretty awesome.

  • Yeah, it's pretty damn

  • awesome.

  • Now, do you want it or not?

  • I want it!

  • Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

  • Yeah!

  • Yeah!

  • Oh!

  • Aah!

  • Aah!

  • Yowza!

  • I don't know what's got into

  • Brian d, but Scotty wants

  • some of that in pill form.

  • [Electronic music]

  • ♪ ♪

  • [Telephone rings]

  • [Telephone rings]

  • ♪ ♪

  • [whispering indistinctly]

  • boop-a-doop-a-doo

  • boo-doo-boo

  • Bored, bored, bored.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • [Laughs]

  • Yeah, yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah, yeah.

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah!

  • Yeah!

  • Were going home.

  • okay.

  • [Screaming]

  • Yo, Brian...

  • I love that pump.

  • I think I’m starting to

  • get you, Jacks.

  • GG, Barnstormer.

  • Yeah.

  • No.

  • [dramatic music]

  • ♪ ♪

  • Dude, we got to jump

  • another fence.

  • and this is it.

  • Brian D and Jacks are making

  • a run.

  • My god, VGHS could actually

  • win this thing.

  • ♪ ♪

  • Who could have expected

  • this outcome?

  • Brian D is going all the way!

  • ♪ ♪

  • [Crowd groans]

  • No!

  • aah!

  • aah!

  • aah!

  • Whoopsies.

  • Did law do that?

  • [Trilling tongue]

  • Well, this machine's full,

  • so how about the protein bars

  • go here and the smoothies stay

  • where they are?

  • I don't know.

  • That’s a pretty far walk from

  • the puzzle-gaming room, but...

  • [Horns honking]

  • behold, VGHS.

  • Vending machines for every team.

  • A vending machine on every

  • corner.

  • Vending machines--

  • just take one and vote for me.

  • We got snacks.

  • We got bevs.

  • We got whatever you want.

  • Go on in there.

  • Can we get the smoothie

  • machine?

  • Sure thing, bros.

  • Vote for Shane.

  • Oh, hey, Ki.

  • Thanks for the idea.

  • How did you--

  • Rich.

  • Well, you can't just--

  • Ki, rich.

  • There’s no clever solution here.

  • I’m gonna get what I want.

  • and what do you want, Shane?

  • Because I want to help the

  • students.

  • And the students wanted

  • snacks or whatever.

  • Isn’t that the whole point?

  • Didn’t I do it better than you?

  • So what's the problem here?

  • You don't care.

  • I care.

  • The world doesn't care

  • that you care.

  • Where do you want these,

  • boss?

  • Don't care.

  • I did everything right.

  • It shouldn't work like this.

  • Life’s not a game.

  • Things don't always work out

  • like they should.

  • There’s no great programmer

  • in the sky.

  • That’s stupid.

  • People just say that when they

  • can't figure out how to solve

  • a problem.

  • Life makes sense.

  • You just have to...

  • figure it out.

  • The polls are closed, Ki.

  • There’s nothing more to figure

  • out.

  • Why don't you come back to H.Q.

  • and wait with the rest of the

  • team?

  • [Sighs]

  • You would have made a fine

  • President, Ki swan.

  • And that's something.

  • [sighs]

  • [whistling cheerfully]

  • Hmm.

  • going to the bathroom

  • gonna make some pee

  • All right, we need to lock

  • this base down.

  • You three, out front.

  • Brian and I will guard

  • the hostage.

  • go.

  • [Sighs]

  • [Sighs]

  • Hey.

  • Don’t worry.

  • We got this.

  • and then tonight we'll

  • celebrate.

  • I can't even think about

  • tonight right now.

  • Wait.

  • is that what's bothering you?

  • 'cause we can wait to have

  • dinner.

  • I mean, I want to have dinner,

  • but, like, if it's stressing

  • you out, I can wait for dinner.

  • Brian, we can still have

  • dinner.

  • No.

  • of course we can have dinner.

  • I’m saying...

  • we don't have to have sex

  • afterwards.

  • What?

  • You know...

  • The sex?

  • The team told me that having

  • dinner means...

  • Even your mom said--

  • Oh, my god, no.

  • No, Brian, I just wanted to talk

  • to you tonight about...

  • can we just do this later?

  • Holy balls, he doesn't know.

  • Hey, Brian, guess what.

  • shut up!

  • How could you not tell him?

  • He’s your boyfriend.

  • That’s cold, even for you,

  • Jenny.

  • Tell me what?

  • That if you win this match,

  • she moves to Paris.

  • Paris?

  • No, that's not even true.

  • It’s not?

  • well, all right, kind of,

  • but--

  • What does "kind of" mean,

  • Jenny?

  • can we please talk about this

  • Later?

  • Fine.

  • Brian, my boy, in my

  • experience, long-distance

  • relationships just don't work

  • out.

  • Ashley, shut up!

  • Jenny, are you going to

  • Paris or not?

  • I knew I put myself in here

  • for a reason.

  • So, at dinner tonight,

  • you're breaking up with me?

  • Brian...

  • five seconds, Jenny.

  • [Gunfire]

  • Aah!

  • [groans]

  • [crowd cheering]

  • It all comes down to Jenny

  • Matrix.

  • Can she handle the pressure?

  • [Crowd chanting "VGHS"]

  • [Helicopter blades thrumming]

  • [Dramatic music]

  • ♪ ♪

  • [Gunshot]

  • Brian.

  • Brian, wait.

  • Look, I should have told you,

  • Okay?

  • How long, Jenny?

  • How long have you known

  • that you're leaving?

  • God, I’m such an idiot.

  • No, you're not.

  • This whole month, I’ve

  • thought that everything was

  • great between us.

  • Dinner tonight, I actually--

  • god, of course not,

  • 'cause you care about this

  • Way more.

  • and you know what?

  • That’s fine.

  • No, that is not fair, okay?

  • I am not gonna let you make me

  • Feel bad about this.

  • Yes, Jenny, we've got that,

  • loud and clear, thank you.

  • screw you, Brian.

  • I have wanted this my entire

  • life, and I love you, and it's

  • been killing me.

  • well, then let me make it

  • easy for you, okay?

  • Were done.

  • Lovers' quarrel, huh?

  • That’s tough.

  • Oh!

  • Ugh!

  • Jenny!

  • And the final tally is

  • Shane pizza, with 126 votes,

  • and Ki swan, with 128.

  • [Cheering]

  • Yes, kiwi!

  • Oh, I’m so proud of you.

  • Congrats.

  • President Ki swan, everyone.

  • [Applause]

  • Congrats, Ki.

  • Thank you.

  • Now, ted...

  • Give me back my Tomowachi.

  • You know what?

  • Hey, josh, I don't--

  • I don't have it on me today.

  • What’s he talking about, ted?

  • nothing.

  • Josh, let's talk about this

  • tomorrow.

  • Stop stalling, ted.

  • You got our votes.

  • Now, where is he?

  • That’s him.

  • He’s in your backpack.

  • Why won't you give him to me?

  • What happened to him, ted?

  • Nothing.

  • Is that my Tomowachi

  • in there?

  • Is that my Tomowachi in there?

  • [Ominous music]

  • ♪ ♪

  • Oh.

  • No.

  • Oh, my god, no!

  • Oh, my god.

  • No.

  • [Whimpering]

  • You are a liar

  • and a murderer.

  • and I hope you totally choke

  • on barf.

  • Come on, Joshy.

  • Okay, come on.

  • Come on, it's okay.

  • Come on.

  • All right, come on.

  • Okay, okay, come on, come on.

  • What?

  • We were going to lose,

  • All right?

  • They were being jerks.

  • I didn't mean for it to die.

  • Look, Ki...

  • I’m sorry, okay?

  • But you're president now.

  • That’s a good thing, right?

  • Right?

  • It’s just a freakin'

  • virtual pet.

  • Hell get over it.

  • Ki, you didn't know.

  • This isn't your fault.

  • You deserve to win.

  • I cheated.

  • I stuffed the ballot boxes.

  • I’m sorry.

  • Oh!

  • You just bought yourself another

  • week's detention, dillweed.

  • Get out of here!

  • Sorry, dad.

  • [slurping]

  • [Knock at door]

  • [sighs]

  • Ki left school.

  • She’s gone.

I’m just saying, we could

Subtitles and vocabulary

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