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  • Oh hi babes! I will be your dom this evening. With your consent, of course. I'm not like...Christian Grey.

  • Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Sub mission, and Masochism.

  • If youve ever been consensually blindfolded or hand cuffed. Congratulations! Youve

  • practiced some form of BDSM. Most people have, actually because there's a huge spectrum.

  • Anything from feather light caresses to something called Tamakeri. Tamakeri? Tamakeri. I don't

  • know. It's a Japanese fetish for being kicked in the balls. [Gasp] It might sound scary,

  • but BDSM is all about finding pleasure in pain. It's about intense sensations and exchanges

  • of power for the thrillseekers. So et’s go over the basics and then we'll delve into

  • feminist criticisms and myths about BDSM.

  • In the BDSM community, a “scenerefers to the setting where it takes place, andplay

  • refers the acts that are involved. Now before you play: the first and foremost principle

  • of BDSM is safe, sane, and consensual.

  • SAFE. We don’t injure anybody. We know what the hell were doing, and educate ourselves

  • so that there's no unintentional harm. That includes protecting ourselves against STIs

  • and pregnancy.

  • SANE. We always stay in control, practicing good communication and judgement before, during,

  • and after a scene. We use our power responsibly and take seriously the trust that's put in us.

  • CONSENSUAL. BDSM requires the thorough discussion of boundaries and limits beforehand. You also

  • need a safe word that can clearly and effectively communicate to your partner during a scene

  • if you need them to take it easy or to stop. This is especially important if restraint

  • or fighting back is part of your scene...so things like "Red", "Yellow", "Banana", "Pumpernickel",

  • "Balls". No don't use balls, there's a chance that could come up. No act should ever be

  • pressured, consent should never be assumed, and it's always just as okay to sayno

  • as it is to sayyes”. If at any point anyone is unsure, we stop and talk.

  • Thesafe, sane, and consensualprinciple is vital in BDSM because without it - it’s

  • not BDSM at all! It’s just abuse. I’m looking at you, 50 Shades of Grey. I already

  • did a whole video on why those books give me nightmares and not in a good way - you

  • can watch that here.

  • So you can get the conversation flowing by asking your partner if theyve ever heard

  • of BDSM or what they think about it. You could use a Yes/No/Maybe chart to identify boundaries,

  • link down below, or you visit a sex shop and check out the kink section together. Links

  • also below. When it comes to play, there is an endless umbrella, but some types are more

  • common than others.

  • Bondage play involves confinement, being tied up, handcuffs, suspended.

  • Sensation play brings about new sensations. Pinching, nipple clamps, suction, hot wax,

  • ice cubes. What's cooler than being cool? Ice cold.

  • Impact play includes spanking, flogging, whipping.

  • Role play! Usually power is involved. Yknow: teacher and student, nurse and patient.

  • Kink as a whole can also include fetishes - foot fetishes, latex fetishes. Dirty talk!

  • Ayyy.

  • Now after all the sexy's gone down, you need to finish with after care. This is like after-sex

  • cuddling, but more integral to the experience because it can be kind of intense. Check in

  • with your partner - make sure they're feeling alright. Communicate and make sure they don't

  • need anything. A glass of water? A blanket? Cuddles? Another round? For scenes that are

  • especially intense, it’s a good idea to check in a few days later too to make sure

  • nothing else came up while they were processing it.

  • Back up a sec - what do you mean you like being hit?

  • Look yall, in a world where sexual violence is too common and where victims are told that

  • theyasked for it" - BDSM understandably raises red flags. Some schools of feminism

  • argue that power exchanges in the bedroom reflect the gender dynamics that are out in

  • the world. In Kathleen Barry’s bookFemale Sexual Slaveryshe writes that BDSM is

  • "a disguise for the act of sexually forcing a woman against her will”.

  • Now obviously that's true if someone is actually forced or pressured - and why it's so important

  • to prioritize consent to make sure that it’s a freely made choice. A scene may create the

  • illusion of force, but in reality, it’s all very controlled. It happens on your own

  • terms in the context of trust and safety - that’s the opposite of force. Interestingly, both

  • men AND women actually prefer the submissive role. Now that’s not to say that gender

  • roles NEVER influence our sexual choices or desires. Of course they do! I don't think

  • it's a coincidence that the extreme gender roles seen in Twilight and 50 Shades have

  • taken our culture by such a storm. It’s just that there’s more to the story. Part

  • of the appeal of BDSM is that it's taboo. And it's no secret that pain sometimes feels

  • good because of the endorphins it releases. Runner's high? Yall ever heard of that? Yeah

  • I don't buy that anyone actually likes running. Runners are little masochists out there, it's

  • all about the pain for pleasure!

  • I think we run into issues when we shame consenting adults for their sexuality. For ages people

  • have regarded kinksters as deeply broken sexual deviants who need fixing, the same as they

  • did for people who masturbated and people who are gay. Extensive studies have find that

  • kinksters are generally mentally healthy and actually tend to have healthier sexual communication

  • and relationships. Maybe has to do something with the emphasis on consent and communication?

  • Just throwing ideas out there, America.

  • Still, there are people who think it’s fucked up. To which I say: well okay but the thing

  • is: were all a little fucked up alright? In a lot more than 50 ways. Were all a

  • little damaged, a little broken, a little problematic. So if this shit is not your cup

  • of tea, rock on. Different folks, different strokes. Just go ahead and pass those cuffs

  • to me, I promise I’ll put them to good use.

  • Thanks you for joining me babes, you now have permission to leave. I’ll see you next time!

  • OH by the way, season 2 of MTV Braless kicks off today and we are talking about consent

  • in 50 Shades. Link below, k bye.

Oh hi babes! I will be your dom this evening. With your consent, of course. I'm not like...Christian Grey.

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