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  • Hey guys, I'll be your server.

  • I'm only smiling because I want you to tip me as much as possible.

  • How would I recommend?

  • The restaurant next door. It's delicious!

  • Hi there, I'm super hungover.

  • Can I get you some water?

  • (Laughter) I'm laughing at your dumb joke purely out of obligation.

  • You brought your baby in the restaurant?

  • That's gonna make my life a nightmare.

  • Here's your food.

  • I hope you don't notice I snagged a few fries off your plate.

  • I'm telling you I'm gonna go ask the chef.

  • But I'm really gonna go into the kitchen, count to ten, come back and say no.

  • Hi guys, this plate is hot.

  • I'm just trying to tough it out.

  • Yes, I caught you staring at my boobs.

  • No, they are not on the menu.

  • Not only do I have change for five, but I can also make it rain.

  • Your appetizer is taking a long time because I completely forgot about you.

  • If you ask for the check, I'll get it.

  • If you do this air signature, I'll take my sweet time.

  • Are you finished with that?

  • Because I'd love to take the rest of them in the back and eat it off of your plate.

  • I'm telling you the max I can split is three credit cards.

  • But really? I'm just feeling lazy today.

  • Be nice to me, and I'll be nice to your food.

Hey guys, I'll be your server.

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