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  • Okay, explain to me again

  • how offering yourself as bait

  • to your bloodsucking roommate is not the worst plan ever devised by womankind.

  • You think I’m excited about it?

  • We have been following her for a week and we still have no idea how or where she is taking these girls.

  • And LaFontaine’s plan is the only one that weve got.

  • Well, the fact that a terrible plan is our only plan is not really a selling point.

  • I’m sorry. Are we still really talking about all of this as though a vampire is really more likely than,

  • I don’t know, just some guy putting something in girlsdrinks?

  • We don’t know she isn’t doing that too.

  • You guys know that I can hear you, right?

  • Maybe instead of peanut gallery-ing you can help me figure out how we trap a vampire.

  • [Pulls out bag of bear spray]

  • How do we feel about bear spray?

  • Probably not.

  • Side note: you planning on invading a bear sanctuary?

  • My dad’s really into personal protection.

  • I can see that.

  • Ughhhh. This is not working.

  • I don’t see how were gonna do this

  • Good.

  • Without an army. And I don’t have an army in my back pocket, do you?

  • [Kirsch, Will, Natalie, and Sarah Jane at the doorway]

  • Hey Laura. Laura’s friends. Psycho society.

  • We came to invite you to the Peace Augsburg Luau that’s happening tomorrow night

  • because peace was, after all, your idea.

  • And uh hey, maybe we can talk a bit about the, uh, the pod people stuff?

  • Because this isn’t pre-party drinking anymore. She’s been like this all week.

  • Which is cool, you know, but there’s only so much top 40 a dude can take.

  • Yeah, about that.

  • If were to try and catch the person responsible for taking the girls,

  • uh, would the Zetas want in on that?

  • Do you think you know who’s behind it?

  • Oh, we totally want in. Were honour-bound to pound that guy.

  • Dude, pound that guy, really?

  • And how many of you are there, again?

  • [Later that night]

  • I know.

  • I’m betting most of you are about as psyched as Danny that I’ve enlisted the Zetas for help.

  • They may be jerks,

  • but when youre about to become live vampire bait,

  • suddenly, having an army full of mesomorphs on your side doesn’t sound so bad.

  • Which leads us to the even less savoury section of our plan.

  • The part where I somehow,

  • who knows how,

  • lure Carmilla into our trap.

  • What would Mina Harker do?

  • Get bitten.

  • Mina Harker would totally try and act all alluring to the bloodsucking fiend and totally get bitten.

  • Let’s not do that.

  • [Hard rock music]

  • [Laura sits up in bed]

  • Black as the night and terrible

  • [Puff of black smoke by the window]

  • [Laura turns on the light]

  • [Carmilla now standing by the window, playing with a lighter]

  • Uh,

  • you're here.

  • Been here a while.

  • Another bad dream?

  • Yeah.

  • What are you doing up?

  • Looking at the stars.

  • Oh.

  • It’s comforting

  • to think how small we are in comparison.

  • All the lives weve led

  • the people weve been

  • Nothing to that light.

  • You are definitely a philosophy major.

  • Right now I think your

  • subconscious is telling you to quit web journalism and finish your overdue lit paper.

  • What?

  • You were dreaming about your Kipling reading.

  • Black as the pit and terrible as the night was Bagheera”?

  • I always loved that.

  • It’s beautiful.

  • Or,

  • you know, terrifying cause giant black cat.

  • So...

  • There’s this party tomorrow night that the Zetas are throwing

  • and I was thinking, since we got off such to a rough start as roommates

  • that we could go together?

  • You know, maybe hang out for a while there.

  • Look at the stars.

  • I think I might like that very much.

  • Okay! So, tomorrow then.

  • [Laura gets back into bed]

  • Yeah...

  • tomorrow.

Okay, explain to me again

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