Name: 聽演講 | 學英文 | 父母都在犯的錯 | 如何在親子衝突後真正修復感情？不看絕對會後悔的TED演講 中英對照 英語学習 | 英文演讲 | Learn English with ted talks
Uploaded: 2026-02-22T15:07:26.000Z
Duration: 14 min 7 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

The zero and first conditional

Raise your hand if you have a relationship in your life that's meaningful to you.

Adverbs of frequency

Okay, I assumed, but always good to check our assumptions.

I'm saying this because while I'll be focusing today on a parent child relationship, please know that everything I'm talking about is applicable to any meaningful relationship.

I'm in my kitchen, I just finished cooking dinner for my family and I am on edge.

I mean, I'm exhausted, I haven't been sleeping well, I'm anxious about the upcoming work week.

I'm overwhelmed by all the items on my unfinished to do list.

And then my son walks into the kitchen, he looks at the table and whines, chicken again.

I look at him and I yell, what is wrong with you?

Can you be grateful for one thing in your life?

He runs out of the room and he slams his bedroom door.

And now my self loathing session begins as I say to myself, what is wrong with me?

Well, if you're a parent, you've probably felt that pain.

For me, it comes with an extra layer of shame.

I mean, I'm a clinical psychologist and my specialty is helping people become better parents.

There is no such thing, such thing as a perfect parent.

Mistakes and struggles, they come with the job.

Kind of just pretend the whole thing never happened?

Or if I say something, what are the words?

Well, for years as a clinical psychologist in private practice, I saw client after client struggle with this question.

And now, as the creator of the parenting content and community platform, good Inside, I see millions of parents around the globe struggle with this issue.

After all, there's almost nothing within our interpersonal relationships that can have as much impact as as repair.

Whenever a parent asks me what one parenting strategy should I focus on, I always say the same thing.

Repair is the act of going back to a moment of disconnection, taking responsibility for your behavior and acknowledging the impact it had on another.

And I want to differentiate a repair from an apology because when apology often looks to shut a conversation down.

A good repair opens one up and if you think about what it means to get good at repair, there's so much baked in.

So to repair, you have to mess up or fall short of someone else's expectations.

Which means the next time I snap at my kid or my husband or my work colleague, instead of berating myself like I did that night in the kitchen, I try to remind myself I'm focusing on getting good at repair.

Well, what will happen if I don't repair?

That's really important to understand and helps us make a decision about what to do next.

in a state of distress because, let's face it, his mom just became scary mom.

And now he has to figure out a way to get back to feeling safe and secure.

And if I don't go help him do that through making a repair, he has to rely on one of the only coping mechanisms he has at his own disposal.

Ronald Fairburn may have said it best when he wrote that for kids, it is better to be a sinner in a world ruled by God than to live in a world ruled.

In other words, it's actually adaptive for a child to internalize badness and fault, because at least then they can hold on to the idea that their parents and the world around them is safe and good.

And while self blame works for us in childhood, we all know it works against us in adulthood.

These are the core fears of so many adults.

They are actually the childhood stories we wrote when we were left alone following distressing events that went unrepaired.

Plus, adults with self blame are vulnerable to depression, anxiety, deep feelings of worthlessness, none of which we want for our kids.

And it doesn't mean we have to be perfect.

When you repair, you go further than removing a child's story of self blame.

You get to add in all the elements that were missing in the first place.

Safety, connection, coherence, love, goodness.

I will not let this chapter of your life end in self blame.

Yes, this chapter will still contain the event of yelling, but

I can ensure this chapter has a different ending and therefore a different title and theme.

We know that memory is original events combined with every other time you've remembered that eventually.

When you remember painful experiences from your past within a safer and more connected relationship, the event remains, but

your story of the event, it changes and then you change.

With repair, we effectively change the past.

Subtitles ListPlay Video

聽演講 | 學英文 | 父母都在犯的錯 | 如何在親子衝突後真正修復感情？不看絕對會後悔的TED演講中英對照英語学習 | 英文演讲 | Learn English with ted talks

overwhelmed

struggle

prioritize

impact

聽演講 | 學英文 | 父母都在犯的錯 | 如何在親子衝突後真正修復感情？不看絕對會後悔的TED演講 中英對照 英語学習 | 英文演讲 | Learn English with ted talks

overwhelmed

struggle

prioritize

impact

聽演講 | 學英文 | 父母都在犯的錯 | 如何在親子衝突後真正修復感情？不看絕對會後悔的TED演講中英對照英語学習 | 英文演讲 | Learn English with ted talks