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  • Wow, it looks like you're going to have a great night.

  • Yeah, just having a few friends over for some drinks.

  • Thank you for the invite by the way.

  • It's so funny you say that because I was just about to invite you.

  • What about your girlfriend, do you think she will approve?

  • You're right, she probably wouldn't approve mainly because she doesn't exist.

  • Do you know any beautiful cashiers in the area who might be interested?

  • I actually do, and this one gets off at midnight.

  • But she doesn't have your number?

  • I think you should tell this beautiful cashier to call me when she's off.

  • Is there anything else I can help you with?

  • Yeah, why don't you give me a box of those guys?

  • What size would you like?

  • I'm sorry?

  • The condoms, what size do you want?

  • Oh, just give me the big ones.

  • So do you want the Magnum EXO?

  • You know, I actually tore right through those.

  • The way they're manufactured, I'm just not a big fan.

  • And if none of them are going to fit me anyways, I'd rather just have the regulars.

  • Because I want something that's a little bit comfortable with my body type.

  • Lubrication wise.

  • So we just go with the regular then?

  • Yeah, I'll take the regular ones.

  • If I want to pass out from loss of blood circulation, I'm like Johnson.

  • You're so funny.

  • Thanks.

  • Are you really sure that you even know what size do you want?

  • I'm going to need something that's going to fit the tusk of a fully grown Sri Lankan elephant.

  • Wait, an elephant you said?

  • You know, I don't want to sound forward or anything.

  • But maybe if you told me how really big it is, I can actually help you.

  • Do you kind of know like six?

  • Six inches from the ground maybe?

  • While I'm on top of the Empire State Building.

  • Okay, so what size is it?

  • Are you familiar with like television remotes?

  • Like an Apple television remote?

  • Like two, three Apple television remotes.

  • If you were to like rubber band them, stack them on top of each other.

  • Really?

  • It's just a solid piece.

  • Piece of what?

  • It's like one of these guys.

  • About a five dollar foot long?

  • You guys don't carry XXXLs?

  • They didn't have any at the horse stable that I usually get them at?

  • No.

  • You know, honestly, the more that I'm thinking about it, condoms don't even work in general with how big this guy is.

  • So do you have any like garbage bags you can toss your boys with?

  • I doubt it.

  • Big enough, that's what I always say.

  • That's what I said back in college.

  • Big enough for what?

  • Just an insane amount of pleasure, sweetheart.

  • You know what I'm thinking about him?

  • I think you need an extra small.

  • Yeah, maybe if I was a friggin' baby in my mom's womb.

  • Goo goo ga ga type of beat.

  • Okay, you know what?

  • I'm sorry about all this.

  • Can we just scratch literally all this?

  • Here's what I want to do.

  • Um, just give me the Magnum XLs.

  • That's my final decision.

  • I'm sorry about...

  • Magnum XLs it is.

  • Yeah, just Magnum XLs.

  • Yeah, these should fit hopefully halfway down, so.

  • I'll talk to you soon.

  • Yeah, I'll call you when I'm off.

  • Yeah, you're doing a great job.

  • Keep upselling these XL condoms because numbers are at an all-time low.

  • So keep making sure these guys are very insecure.

  • Well, there's no way that he was bigger than a small.

  • I mean, come on, he's finite.

  • Come on!

Wow, it looks like you're going to have a great night.

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