Alright, alright. But you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.

Alright, open your eyes.

Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.

Days of our lives picked up my option. Congratulations!

Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.

So, uh, which one is mine?

Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want.

Not that one.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.

Do we dare?

We dare.

Hey, Kiki.

What are you doing?

Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.

Well, you're gonna.

I've been thinking, you know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls.

Are they end-to-end or tall like pancakes?

You know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women.

Because I always figured when the right one comes along,

I'll be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, you know?

Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...

Hey, you're not him. You're you.

When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?

No.

No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business.

Now, that wasn't easy, but you did it.

And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say, no thanks, I'm married.

You really think so?

You really think so?

Yeah, I really do.

Thanks, Chandler.

Get off.

Joey!

Got you the Joey special. Two pizzas!

Joe?

Hello?

Damn it!

Hello?

No, Joey's not here right now, but I can take a message, I think.

He's still got a chance for the part?

Oh, that's great news!

Well, no, obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog.

Oh, well, that's great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you.

Yes.

Okay.

Mac...

audition...

at two...

allergy...

actor...

attacked.

By...

dog...

not...

flowers.

Hey!

Please tell me you got the message.

What message?

The actor playing Mac couldn't do it.

They needed to see you at two o'clock.

What?

At six o'clock?

I wrote it on the board!

Look, I wrote it on the board!

I wrote it on the board and then I went all over New York City looking for you.

I went to Ross's, I went to the coffee house,

I went to any place that they make sandwiches!

I can't believe this, Chandler!

Sorry, I don't know what to say.

Well, you might say...

congratulations.

I saw the board, I went to the audition, I got the part!

Is that supposed to be funny?

I was really worried over here.

Oh, well...

You know, sometimes that fake-out thing is just mean.

Oh, wow. Okay, man, I'm sorry.

I did not mean to make you feel bad.

Well, that's good.

Because you didn't!

And I'm incredibly happy for you!

That's mean!

You really had me going there!

We could do this all day.

Yeah, you're right.

I took the quiz and it turns out I do put career before men.

Get up.

What?

Near my seat.

How is this your seat?

Because I was sitting there.

But then you left.

Well, it's not like I went to Spain.

I went to the bathroom. You knew I was coming back.

What's the big deal? Sit somewhere else.

The big deal is I was sitting there last.

So, it's my seat.

Actually, the last place you were sitting was in there, so...

You guys, you know what? You know what?

It doesn't matter.

Because you both have to go get dressed before the big vein in my head pops.

So...

All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing really quickly.

It's not a big deal.

Get up!

All right, fine. You know what?

We'll both sit in the chair.

Fine with me.

I am so comfortable.

Me, too.

In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.

All right.

Okay, look, we have 19 minutes, okay?

Chandler, I want you to go and change, okay?

And then when you come back,

Joey will go change and he'll have vacated the chair, okay?

Okay.

All right, fine. I'm going.

When I get back, it's chair sitting.

And I'm the guy who's...

sitting in a chair.

All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed.

I, in turn, have noticed that you are not.

So, in the words of A.A. Milne, get out of my chair, dill hole.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Well, you said I had to give you the chair.

You didn't see anything about the cushions.

The cushions are the essence of the chair.

That's right. I'm taking the essence.

Oh, he'll be back.

Oh, there's nobody in the room.

Where's my underwear?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come on, come on. What, you took his underwear?

He took my essence.

Okay, hold on.

Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?

Because I'm not wearing any underwear now.

Okay, um, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?

It's a rented tux, okay?

I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.

Well, then it looks like somebody's gonna have to give somebody back his cushions.

Okay, you hide my clothes.

I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.

What, are you gonna show me my clothes?

Hey, opposite...

is opposite.

He's got nothing.

Okay, buddy boy, here it is.

You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.

Oh, my God.

That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear.

Look at me. I'm Chandler.

Chandler, could I be wearing any more clothes?

Maybe if I wasn't going commando.

Yeah.

I'll tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on.

I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.

Okay, okay, enough. Enough with the lunging.

No, I'm sick of this, okay?

I've had it up to here with you two.

Neither of you can come to the party.

Jeez, what a bait.

Give me a chance to win my money back, okay?

Sudden death, one goal, $1,000.

You serious?

Oh, yes.

Okay.

Get ready to owe me.

Okay.

Okay, here we go. Ready?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

One can beat me.

See<