Hi, babe.

I'm here today asking for you to be my plus one at my brother's wedding in exchange for a trip to your favorite European city this summertime.

Babe, I know we broke up, but remember the first wedding we went to?

We sang karaoke until the sun came up and you even caught the bouquet.

And today, I'm here offering you a chance to put a final nail in the coffin that is our relationship.

So, babe, uh, do you want to get back together for one last weekend and be my plus one?

First of all, don't call me babe.

Quite frankly, Max, I am insulted by your valuation, okay?

You cheat on me in Mexico City with an exotic dancer.

We break up, you take custody of my dog Otis, and now you're asking me to go to a wedding with you?

So based off of our first round, that was the evaluation.

However, now I am open to negotiation.

This isn't a pitch.

This is a scheme disguised as a pitch.

Why did you come in here today?

Because my mom loves you and it would make her very happy if you were my plus one.

Oh!

I will crush you like the cockroach that you are, Max.

I like you.

You've always been a fun guy, but I'm not going to be your plus one just for your mom.

And for those reasons, unfortunately, I'm out.

Thank you for your time.

I'll be your plus one to the wedding.

Tell me more about this Europe trip.

Another shark, Claire, who was Max's college girlfriend, has suddenly shown interest in going to the wedding with Max.

I actually disagree with Michelle here.

I think that this deal has some serious legs.

Just like you.

Really?

Uh, stand your ground, Max.

She is about to make you a greedy offer.

Max, your mother loves me.

Remember Thanksgiving, junior year?

Oh my God.

Now what I need is a stable two income household.

I'm opening a yoga business.

The bank won't give me a loan with my current financial situation.

Don't take that offer.

That is unbelievable grief.

You're out, Michelle.

I'm allowed to do a deal with Max now.

That's how this works.

You walk into any nightclub right now, they'll give you the same offer.

Thank you for the offer, Claire, but I will say Michelle is my mom's favorite ex-girlfriend.

Ow!

I really just came in here to make a deal with Michelle.

Listen, Max, let me just make this simple for you.

I'm out.

Ay, caramba!

I'll make you an offer.

Without asking any questions, Max's high school girlfriend, Samantha, has come out of nowhere with an offer.

I'm actually still close with your mom, and we still text from time to time.

So, I'll be your plus one at the wedding.

I want everything you've offered.

Plus, I want you to come to Sunday brunches with my mom.

Uh, I don't like where this is going.

My mother's been on my case for having a grandchild, and I need to get her off my back.

You can pick the name of the kid.

We can lie about the whole thing.

Do not do this deal, Max.

You help with my mom.

Oh, that's greedy.

I help with your mom.

That's a greedy offer.

Is that every Sunday in perpetuity, or...

Yes.

Have really a moment of silence, please, for the death that will be taking place if you do that deal.

Michelle, you're out.

She's an idiot!

She's a con artist!

Excuse me, you will not talk to me like that.

I definitely want to help you out with that.

I was kind of hoping that Michelle would be...

You're an asshole!

Michelle's out, Max.

You want a deal, right?

He doesn't know what he wants.

I came in here to make a deal, yes.

I'm all you've got left.

Wait.

Right?

I'm just listening right now.

Brooke, a girl Max hooked up with in an Uber one time four years ago on the way home from a music festival, is now considering going to the wedding.

I'll make you an offer.

And I will be joining her.

Let's be real.

You only want to take an ex-girlfriend to this wedding for an easy...

Oh!

The truth comes out!

Okay.

Claire will be going to the wedding with you because your mom does not know me.

Again, I need this loan for my yoga business.

And to Brooke's point, Claire, will we be hooking up at this wedding?

No.

I don't find you physically attractive anymore.

Okay.

That's where I come in.

You and I will hook up whenever you're in London.

I'm going to tell you right now, that's a good offer.

That seems a little weird.

Can I ask for some more information?

I have a sugar daddy, but things aren't exactly great in the physical department.

Can't hate the honesty here.

Do we have a deal?

My deal is still alive, Maxie.

Alright, I'm back in.

F*** you, Michelle.

F*** you, Michelle.

Alright, here is my counter.

We keep your original offer.

I go to the wedding with you.

I honestly don't give a s*** about the Europe trip.

Take that off the table.

Let's chat.

Instead, when we return from the wedding, you never speak to me ever again.

And you give me full custody of my dog, Otis.

I'm sorry, can I just say something real quick?

I worked so hard to get on this stage today.

And you know, obviously my mom knows all you guys except for you because we hooked up in an Uber.

And I just want to be with someone who understands the work that I had to put in.

And I'm looking for- We all worked hard, that's why we're sitting up here.

Everybody that comes in here works hard, Max.

I'm sorry, alright?

I'm just going to say it.

No, you're right.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Michelle, you have always been my mom's favorite.

Done.

What?

Looking forward to it.

Thank you so much for your time.

We're going to make this work.

I'm really excited to make this work with you.

You know what, I'm glad this happened.

I'm giving my sugar daddy a second chance.

It's going to be good.

I feel good about that.

He was nice, he was sweet.

And I'm back in.

Oh!

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, I don't take that too.

I don't take that too.