Name: Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew Earlier
Uploaded: 2024-07-18T16:22:40.000Z
Duration: 11 min 17 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

I feel like every time we sit on this couch, we're talking about something serious.

Present continuous

We're talking about life, philosophy, and this video is no different.

Past simple

Today, I want to share with you some harsh truths that I learned mostly by force.

If you're not in the arena, I don't really care what you have to think.

In life, you're going to receive a lot of opinions.

And I feel like with the advent of the internet, everything is magnified.

It seems like it's everyone's job to sprinkle in some commentary with every single issue.

And I feel like I really struggled with this in my 20s because I was extremely porous in the sense that if I heard an opinion or a criticism about me, I would see it as valuable information.

And the issue with this was that it made me extremely formless.

I was always getting swayed back and forth, back and forth.

But it's free and easy to have an opinion about something.

And I think it's really important to learn how to filter through that noise and learn to have more of a discerning ear on what you choose to integrate into your life.

And now that I'm a little older, the opinions that I value are from people that I trust, people that I actually know, people who are in the arena, who are participating.

For instance, it's really natural to get attached to your work.

I mean, you put your blood, sweat, and tears in it.

And then when someone just tears it apart, it can be like your soul's disintegrating.

I feel like this fear of judgment prevents people from creating anything.

I do believe that people are meant to create.

Humans were meant to create prolifically.

So if you create something that someone criticizes, when you look at the comment, click on their profile.

And if they don't have anything on their page, let it roll off your back.

But if you click on their page and they're creating some sick, interesting things, then consider it.

There's going to be a lot of people that give you unsolicited advice.

And if they don't know you and they're not a part of your life, or if they are, but they don't live a life that you admire or aspire to be like, then again, I think it is important to just let it roll off.

I think the biggest lie we tell ourselves is, I don't need to write this down.

They're meant for creating ideas, not for storing them.

So if you've ever had a thought of, oh man, I should probably write this down.

This is also amazing for task-oriented things, but also like highlights in your life, revelations, lessons that you've learned.

And this is why every time I have a therapy session, I like to write it down in my journal immediately after.

It kind of like sandwiches the therapy session really well.

Even if a therapy session went really bad, I like to write it down because you can learn a lot from the things that irk you.

With therapy, you're investing your hard-earned money on the session.

So the least thing I can do for myself is to write it down so I can retain the things that I've learned.

In one of my most recent sessions, I had to write down the lesson of that I need to own my decisions because I can truly be the queen of flip-flopping, where I have to think long and hard before I make a decision and then just see it through.

And BetterHelp has been keeping me on track with this.

I love that they have a little journaling section on their app, so you can write down your thoughts about the session and you can even share it with your therapist if you'd like.

I also want to say thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this video.

So BetterHelp connects you to a licensed therapist who has been trained to listen and give you helpful, unbiased advice.

You just go on my link, betterhelp.com slash Jen.

From there, you just answer a few questions and then you'll be matched to a professional who's had years of experience helping people with struggles just like yours.

You can do it all through your phone or your computer and then you could have your sessions on like a phone call, video call, or even messaging.

Whatever you feel the most comfortable with.

And you'll be matched to a therapist usually within 48 hours, so you can get started pretty fast.

So try BetterHelp if you have been interested in starting therapy and once you talk to your therapist, write down your sessions because I swear you will thank yourself for it.

So if you're interested, go to my link, betterhelp.com slash Jen.

You can also choose Jen Ip during sign up and you'll get a special discount off your first month of therapy.

You are only as smart as your ability to explain yourself to an audience.

Everyone is intimidated by something, you know?

And for me, it was always when I would meet very intelligent people and I realized that intellect comes in all different types of flavors.

There's obviously like the book smart, but I feel like emotional intelligence doesn't get enough credit.

If anything, I feel like emotional intelligence is way important than understanding how to like program with Python or talk about physics because someone who is emotionally intelligent can meet you at your level, read the energy, and communicate with you in a way that makes sense.

So in my early 20s, I went to this really random TechCrunch event.

So I was in this room full of investors, programmers, scientists, writers, journalists.

I felt completely out of my league because I felt like everyone was speaking a different language.

Like they were speaking English, but I was like, what the is going on?

But as I've gained more confidence in myself, I have learned that you are only as smart as your ability to explain yourself to your audience.

A better way to say this is if you can explain your idea to a five-year-old or a senior citizen, that's when you really, really know your stuff.

So the next time you find yourself in a conversation, especially if it's like a one-on-one and you're not like grasping what they're saying, do not be afraid to say, hey, what did you mean by that?

And if they have the patience and ability to find a way to help you understand what they're saying, it's like a win-win.

You learn something and they have the honor to teach someone something.

Honestly, the worst case scenario is they just get frustrated and like don't want to explain to you or roll their eyes.

Then you've honestly dodged a bullet because you don't want a person like that in your life.

So if anything, just don't get caught up on people's intellectual superiority and just focus on leaning into connecting and your own curiosity.

As you live, you just start picking up weird, bad habits.

And if you've ever wanted to shed one, remember this proverb, how you do one thing is how you do everything.

So these days I've been trying to be a more detailed person because I find myself just rushing things a lot.

Like I'm good at getting things done, but the execution can be a little sloppy.

So the best way to change, to kind of like correct this behavior is to start behaving in a detail-oriented way with every action that I'm doing at that moment.

So when I'm washing dishes now, I really take the time to scrub every little thing out of the bowl.

When I'm driving, I'm like carefully scanning the road, making sure that I am observing everything.

When I'm writing a birthday card, I type out my first draft and then put it on the paper.

All of these small actions will trickle down into every aspect of your life.

So if you've ever wanted to change something about yourself, start with the exact task that you're doing at that moment.

And then everything will start to add up because you're putting in that same level of integrity and respect into everything that you do.

I know we're all adults here, but I think the lesson of a little goes a long way is something to keep in mind.

Now, this is something that I have learned the hard way because I tend to be a maximalist.

Like if I'm having a good time, I'm like more, more.

And in party terms, it's called chasing the dragon.

The law of diminishing returns is such a real thing.

Like the first dopamine hit that you get, like nothing will compare to that.

Like the more times you do it, it gets less and less rewarding.

For example, like when I go out, the first two drinks are always the best.

They call it the two drink enthusiasm for a reason.

And these days I like to just keep that in mind because if I'm not having a good time after two drinks, that means the vibe is weird or maybe like I'm just not feeling it.

Maybe like my body is telling me something.