Name: I'm A Regular Sized Bird Jason Cheny (Comedy Central) Full Stand Up | Comedy Time
Uploaded: 2024-06-30T11:47:50.000Z
Duration: 6 min 3 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Let me ask you guys something real quick.

You know like when you're outside and the sun is like super bright, you don't have your sunglasses on, you kinda gotta squint a little?

It's great, cause when people wanna throw sand in my eyes, I'm just like, the percentages are lower.

Lot of things bother me, you could Google this one after.

The word that describes a male in Mandarin is xiao niao.

I don't know, maybe a regular-sized bird.

Or an ostrich, or like an eagle, caw caw, whatever, you know?

Other people don't gotta know the size of the bird.

I just wanna let you guys know, I'm a regular-sized bird.

You guys are like, whatever, little bird, it's the worst.

No, but I grew up in an Asian family and they give you really good saving habits.

Like I've been trying to save money, but in really embarrassing ways.

Like when I go grocery shopping, I don't buy trash bags.

Yes, miss, please double bag my bananas and separate them into individual bags, please.

Sir, would you like a receipt in the bag?

Yes, please, and a new bag, and double bag that, too.

Like when I was a kid, we never had leftover food because she believes whatever she freezes in her industrial-sized freezer will never expire.

I'm like, grandma, this toast, it's expired.

She's like, okay, I'll freeze it for later.

Her freezer is like a museum for old food, except we eat the stuff in the museum, and it's delicious.

I was a kid, and I was eating noodles at one time, and I found a cockroach on it, ew, right?

She never admits there's roaches at her house, but she's got bug spray, and she sprays it like it's Febreeze.

Everybody's gonna die in the house now, except the roaches.

So I was eating noodles, and I was a kid, and I didn't want it anymore because it's got a roach on it.

I'll just have that toast on the 1940, thank you.

Okay, I didn't throw you some noodles, but later.

I got my ass beat a lot when I was a kid.

I did, by my parents, but they would always try to justify it and try to make me the bad guy.

Like, they'll tell me all the time, we beat you because we love you.

Like, try to make me feel guilty for not appreciate the beatings.

The worst is that you can't tell mom somebody beat you up after school when she's the one doing it.

And you can't tell daddy either because he's just waiting to be tagged in.

You can't tell the teachers, but first of all, they beat you too.

And if you tell the teachers that your parents beat you, they're just gonna be like, oh, that's great that your parents is involved in your academics.

It's just a matter of what tools they use to beat you.

Like, a lot of Asian parents, their tools is whatever they're wearing on their feet that they just, fast.

Like, there's one time I was showing my cousin, there's like bruises on my butt.

And yeah, and then he took off his shirt and there's just big bruises and big marks.

And I start to feel really sad because I'm like, oh my God, his mom loves him more.

So I ask him, and what did you do exactly?

But what really sucks is that you can't fight back either because you're too small, right?

And I went out to him, he super stopped, but I went out to him and I was like, hey dad, remember when you took my toy car away?

You can't just leave them anywhere you want to, remember?

But mid-run and dawned on me, I still gotta go home to get my ass beat because my home is really his home.

That is really how I got to America because they're just like, we're too tired of beating you, we're gonna send you to a military school.

But then I loved it, I ended up loving it because on the first day I found out, teachers don't beat you here.

They're like, you're gonna eat there and sleep there, Jason.

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I'm A Regular Sized Bird Jason Cheny (Comedy Central) Full Stand Up | Comedy Time

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