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  • Hey everybody meet one of my staff members.

  • Diana Chang, Hey Diana, you're getting your driver's license.

  • I thought because I like to help my staff members, I take you out, give you some of my points because I've been driving for a long time.

  • I got my license when I was 16 and that was Well, how old do you think I am?

  • Like 50 50 something?

  • Which you are right, That's not the point.

  • You look, you look like you're in your at most 40s I want you to do is look to camera and say it's plausible, plausible that I'm in my early 30s.

  • It's plausible that Conan is in his early 30s.

  • That's me, that's my break, right?

  • Isn't that cool?

  • I have my own break.

  • Really fun.

  • Did they tell you you should use both hands at all times?

  • See I think that's not necessary.

  • Yeah.

  • Makes it hard to text.

  • Makes it hard to make stuff your hands.

  • Remember is it tending to their supposed to be on um Actually since airbags came out, we learned that you want to drive with them lower.

  • No one told me that.

  • Well you might have learned driving before airbags came out.

  • Well you just let that guy pass you and so now it's like you're his bitch, you know what I mean?

  • So you've got to be like no, I'm not your bitch, you're my bitch and then you accelerate and cut him off.

  • Okay go faster, pass him, I'm trying yo out the window, you're my bitch go yo yo you're my bitch close and you whispered it doing the right thing here, you're letting people cross.

  • I think this couple right here is milking it.

  • You know what I hate is when people take their time crossing the street, lower your window so the next time you pass someone they can hear you when you say you're my bitch, Okay, go, you're my bitch, those people that was sad, It was an older asian couple that you yelled, did you feel bad doing that and just glared in the window at you.

  • Start trouble.

  • Okay, look now they're coming up, look look what they're doing.

  • They just passed you you just got schooled by Sienna minivan.

  • You're doing great Diana, but we're gonna up the ante Now.

  • I want you to learn what it's like to drive when there are other passengers in the car and maybe things get a little distracting so we're gonna swing by over here and pick up two of my friends are cool with that hey?

  • Yeah.

  • All right.

  • Damn thing.

  • Okay, rule number one, don't this up, back seat, you know, home is in the back seat like we might need you to do a drive by so you gotta know how to get Oh man, that's uh bonanza, that's the man, I'm not putting on my seatbelt, seatbelt on life.

  • What thug life?

  • No seatbelts, not for me.

  • Hey man, hey tupac was one of the biggest thugs.

  • I know and he always was a really good point.

  • All right, Here we go, slow down, jesus?

  • You ever you ever date a black guy?

  • Yeah.

  • Was he cool?

  • He was kind of dorky.

  • Like Merkel?

  • Dorky.

  • No, no, no.

  • I mean he was just like kevin Hart.

  • I'm one of the coolest guys ever, man.

  • Diana.

  • Am I cool?

  • Yeah, you're the funny friend zoned.

  • I know I'm not the women don't put me in the friend zone when they see me.

  • First thing that comes to mind is I wanna bump bellies.

  • Only when you score.

  • I haven't been in the end zone lots of times.

  • And let me tell you something when I get in there.

  • I dance, You dance.

  • You know what I'm talking about?

  • No, I don't.

  • We're talking about Colin didn't get the metaphor.

  • You didn't get it.

  • Yeah, that's what we were talking to.

  • A nighttime walker.

  • I'm not a nighttime walker.

  • Let's put him out right here and see how much money.

  • I'm not a male prostitute.

  • All right, I'll get out.

  • What do I do?

  • What do I do when I walk around, man?

  • You just kidding?

  • I'll be back here in 20 minutes and have my trap full.

  • You're gonna turn me out.

  • I'll be here two hours.

  • You have my trap.

  • I honestly don't know what you're talking about.

  • I honestly, I'm not even doing a bit here?

  • I don't know what you're going to have money.

  • What do you mean?

  • How did us teaching Diana to drive?

  • Turn into.

  • I'm a male prostitute.

  • You're gonna put me out and you're gonna come back in an hour and you want your trap?

  • Don't let it get over your lane.

  • I used to have a tray full of pennies.

  • That's ridiculous.

  • Penny!

  • Is this person cutting you off?

  • Penny go.

  • Did you have a target?

  • Okay.

  • Police fire department.

  • Okay.

  • You just really don't know what to do Diana.

  • I gotta find somebody to get mad at cut myself cutting us off Jack.

  • This Penny had your name on it man.

  • I was about to throw this.

  • Penny was about to throw a penny at you.

  • You see Diana driving she a student driver man.

  • Your ship together, driving a car without power windows is a big mistake.

  • I can't do this all day.

  • And you know how stupid is looking you go mother, how you doing?

  • How you doing there?

  • Good.

  • We're looking for marijuana.

  • What did he say?

  • Pedro and what?

  • 12, 12 and 12.

  • I think he was talking about san Pedro 12.

  • Is it to different places?

  • You're not even driving?

  • Why are you assuming that cube knows more about this neighborhood than I do?

  • Why aren't you asking me about this neighborhood?

  • You're absolutely right about that.

  • That's racist, racist towards me.

  • Is it is it Pedro Pedro?

  • I'm not sure.

  • I've never been down here and I'm terrified.

  • Yeah, we're gonna buy weed.

  • Have you done crack booger sugar doing coke through your but how that conversation goes man.

  • That's just taking too long.

  • Do me a favor and blow it in my butt.

  • Don't follow rules.

  • I think rules are for bitches.

  • Yeah.

  • And you know what bitches get stitches.

  • You said it sounds like an announcement.

  • Get stitches.

  • Do you know they say bitches get stitches?

  • I thought I sounded pretty good.

  • But I bet you were wild in your college days.

  • Oh man I was balls to the wall.

  • I put it up there and I saw it would stick.

  • I rolled that onion all the way down.

  • I tried everything.

  • Everyone chicks.

  • Dudes, I did it all.

  • I knew you was a male prostitute.

  • Paid off my student loan.

  • No, no we're gonna get you guys a pinata.

  • Don't sell no ass while you out is dressed like a male prostitute.

  • I got you.

  • This pinata pinata is around here is bullshit.

  • Alright let's keep going.

  • What's your favorite fast food Popeyes?

  • Popeyes.

  • Diana, I almost married you just now.

  • There you go.

  • There you go.

  • Said how much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

  • If a woodchuck could chuck wood.

  • You take that into the studio.

  • That goes to number one bad.

  • It's not bad.

  • But the kids are listening to.

  • Now.

  • Naughty by nature.

  • O.

  • P.

  • P.

  • How can I explain it?

  • I'll take it frame by frame.

  • Oh my goodness.

  • That's what's happening now.

  • What's that dispensary.

  • Oh are you serious?

  • Yeah that's great.

  • Can we come in?

  • We got we got a license.

  • She's normally used to putting drugs in her butt.

  • It's called the prison wallet.

  • Yeah.

  • You like sour patch kids Conan.

  • Here you go get these.

  • I want two kg of sour patch kids.

  • Okay um could you do me a favor?

  • I want to fill this pinata with.