With 13 days until the midterms, the tires are coming off the country

and Republicans are riding the glowing orange rims to an election night victory.

And we Republicans earned this moment.

We screwed up COVID, which caused a supply chain crisis,

which caused runaway inflation and now, according to FiveThirtyEight,

which is totally skewed, unless it says what I want it to,

the polls are trending in Republicans favor.

Yahoo! Scoodalid-di-

-doo!

Republican control of the Senate and the future of mammalian life on Earth

could come down

to what happens in Pennsylvania, where Democrat John Fetterman debated Dr.

Mehmet Oz.

It was an amazing night between a man trying to convince voters he's a healthy

human and a man trying to convince voters he's a human.

But it was Oz who landed the decisive blow with this take on abortion.

I don't want the federal government involved with that at all.

I want women, doctors, local political leaders

letting the democracy that's always allowed our nation

to thrive, to put the best ideas forward so states can decide for themselves.

Yes, local political leaders are experts on this stuff.

I can't name one difference between dictating women's health

decisions and judging the town pumpkin carving contest.

Joining me now to roll around in the news mud,

is co-host whose work performance reviews always have an entire section entitled:

Biting Incidents.

Bonnie Davis.

Hi there.

Co-host Who gives out Zippo lighters for Halloween.

Susan Shepard.

Good evening.

Co-host who posts slideshows, after guys trips to Colorado

with the caption: “What a weekend full of epic conversations.”

Austin Sparks.

Hey Tyler.

And host of PBS's “Firing Line” and voice

of the wing of the Republican Party that doesn't only speak in tongues.

Margaret Hoover, thanks for joining us, Margaret.

Great to be here.

So Margaret, Republicans caused a million or so COVID deaths.

And fast forward

now, vaccine skeptic Marjorie Taylor Greene is next in line for House speaker.

Everything worked out, huh?

Republicans are cautiously optimistic going into the midterms and that goes

for the House Republicans and it goes for the Republicans in the Senate.

Of course, there are two very different types of Republicans.

The Republicans in the House will be a different set of Republicans.

If they win the majority, there will be a larger

number of Republicans who you might agree with that

the kind that don't choose to certify elections.

So, rational Republicans.

And that's not great for democracy.

But there will be some Republicans hopefully returning to the Senate who

do believe in democracy,

voted to hold Donald Trump accountable, like Lisa Murkowski in the Senate.

So you're going to have a mixed bag.

Bonnie, what are you thinking in this moment?

Yeah, milk is expensive.

So of course we should vote in the party, slow roasting the planet

and keep that cheap milk flowing into our sticky children's faces.

Voters know that Republicans get stuff done.

Just think about how we pulled off those several hundred thousand COVID funerals.

Let's go back to that debate

in Pennsylvania between David Mamet Oz and David Fetterman.

Afterwards, there was a lot of speculation about whether Fetterman

has the cognitive capacity to serve alongside mental super athletes

like Dianne Feinstein and Chuck Grassley to investigate.

I respectfully purchased Fitzsimmons Brain from my cousin Ricki.

As you can see, Fetterman brain is wrinkly.

Lacking the silky smooth linoleum sheen of a healthy brain.

I've told it to roll over multiple times and it does not follow basic commands.

Margaret, back me up.

Senators need to be geniuses operating at the very top

of their intelligence to cast the vote their staff tells them to.

Yeah, well, we all know that that's not true.

What we do know,

I mean, the voters of Pennsylvania deserve to know what their real mental

and cognitive abilities are of the person they're about to vote for.

And that's a pretty reasonable expectation.

It is cute, though, and daddy loves you.

Who's a good friend?

I kind of like that.

I'll take you to the park later so you can play with the other dogs.

Moving on.

Our Lord and Savior, Donald Trump is selflessly taking time away

from stealing the 2024 election for himself to steal the 2022 election

for the Republican who will rig the 2024 election for him.

The Rolling Stones report that in recent months,

Trump has convened a series of in-person meetings and conference calls to discuss

laying the groundwork to challenge the 2022 midterm results.

In these conversations, pro-Trump groups, attorneys, Republican Party activists

and MAGA diehards often discuss the type of scorched earth legal tactics

they could deploy.

Whoa, are we going full on autocracy?

Because that is. Uh...yikes.

I..I'm..uh...

I'm not at all a little terrified that we're finally going through with it.

Tyler, are you okay?

Yes.

Even though my life is largely fine, I want an autocracy.

Can someone open a window?

Tyler, you're sweating your frickin ass off.

Don't talk.

It just makes me more sick.

Susan, did you say you wanted a ginger ale?

No.

Fine.

I'll drink it.

Not that I need it because I like living in an autocracy.

Actually, I love it.

I've never been happier.

And my pulse less scary loud.

Margaret, explain why this is just classic political gamesmanship.

And also, please list the symptoms of a panic attack.

Take a deep breath.

You can take some comfort in the fact that Donald Trump's election shenanigans

that all filtered through the courts, 60 plus cases in the last election

in 2020, not a single one of them

was able to pass muster with a judge.

Whether that judge was appointed by a Democratic president,

a Republican president, or Donald Trump himself.

On the other hand,

Could I take my socks off?

If you really want an autocracy.

Would that be weird?

You can be delighted that the

signs are in place that there is a

Jesus Christ.

Where the heck is the ginger ale.

That seem to be agitating in that direction.

All right.

Now that Margaret has calmed

down, finally,

Austin, can you give us a preview of Sparks?

Thanks.

As everyone surely knows by now, I am host of Tuning Out's: “Raucous,

can they say that?” late night show Sparks.

And this week's episode is absolutely epic sauce.

First up, me and Elise Stefanik hit pumpkins with hockey sticks.

Then I keep swallowing

roaches till Vanessa Laschet gives me a rib cracking heimlich.

And yeah, it's our big phone interview with Teri Hatcher.

Finally, it's back.

Our YouTube

challenge where parents tell their kids there's fentanyl in their Halloween candy.

Here's a taste.

You know how you got candy last night?

Well, turns out

there's fentanyl in it.

Yes.

Fentanyl, sweetie.

In your candy.

Whoa.

And they only get better than that.

I promise.

That's tonight on Sparks.