- Hey, Patrick, I thought that sounded like your head.

- SpongeBob, do you know where this

Spon-gee-Boob

Squir-pa-Nants lives?

- Never heard of him. - Oh, well, return to sender.

- Hey, what's with the new threads?

- I'm a mailman now! [laughs]

- Wow!

I've always wanted to be a mailman.

It's like getting to be Santa every day,

except Sundays.

- Sorry, SpongeBob, but I'm the mailman now.

- Oh, okay.

- But you can be my postal pal!

- Whee! Oh, ah!

- Let's get mailing.

♪ ♪

Postal pal, you may ring the doorbell.

- [gasps]

Yes, sir, Mr. Mailman, sir.

Oh, I better warm up the old bell ringer.

Up, down, up, down. Twist right, twist left.

And polish the nail.

[exhales]

[doorbell rings]

- Mail!

- They let a moron like you deliver the mail?

- Oh, you'd be surprised what they let morons do.

- [gasps] It's here!

It's here! [laughs]

- What's wrong with Squidward's face?

- [laughing]

- I think he's smiling.

- I finally got it, my turbo clarinet.

[engine rumbles]

[inhales deeply]

[horn toots] - Whoa!

[both screaming]

- Worth every penny.

[together] Oh, ooh, oh, oh.

Oh, good, our next stop.

- A summons for jury duty. Lucky.

- Special delivery.

- Great job, Mr. Mailman. - Huh?

- Oops.

Yep.

Ugh.

Must be a defective mail slot.

Aha.

That ought to do it.

Maybe I'll just try the doorbell.

[doorbell rings]

- Can I help you?

[together] Special delivery.

- I don't want it!

- Maybe we should just move on to the next house.

- Pfft, no.

I am a mailman.

Like the postal oath says,

neither bunions or onions nor ditches or dangers

will stop me from giving stuff to strangers.

- [applauds]

[soft orchestral music]

[doorbell rings]

- Ah! - Special delivery!

- Special un-delivery! - [screams]

Oof.

Being a mailman isn't like being Santa Claus at all.

- [gasps]

[jingle bells ringing]

[straining]

- Ho, ho, ho! Oh!

Ooh!

Hey, we're beard bros. - [growls]

- Oh, uh, merry Fishmas!

- It's July! - Just take a letter.

- I don't want it! - Neither bunions or onions!

[upbeat music]

[screams] Huh, ooh.

Ah. [screams]

Take your mail! [grunts]

- Hey! - [grunting]

I'll zip your code so hard!

- Ah! En garde!

- En lard!

- [screaming] - [screaming]

- Ho, ha! - I'm gonna stamp you!

Hi, ha! - Ha!

- I'll send you butt express!

- [screams]

- [grunts] Huh?

You can't run from your civic duties!

[screaming] - [screaming]

Oh. - Ha!

Get it, slap back, no take backs!

- [sighs]

[both chuckling]

- Not bad.

- This summons is for Bubble Bass,

you nincompoops!