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  • 19 easy things that make you feel instantly confident

  • Intro

  • I'm not much of a high heel type of woman.

  • Not because I don't want to be, but because I walk a lot.

  • Rarely will I ever leave home just for a short stroll.

  • And so, I choose comfort.

  • Recently I found an old pair of boots of mine.

  • They have a pointy toe, very small heel, but you wouldn't know by the sound of them.

  • Like, they sound like stilettos.

  • I think.

  • Of course, I had forgotten about that, as I put them on the other week, went outside,

  • and felt instant regret as the click clack hit the pavement, but I was too lazy to get

  • back inside and change.

  • I felt self conscious for that entire walk.

  • Like everyone was staring.

  • I tried walking in a way that doesn't make noise and it just made me feel even weirder.

  • You'd think I'd swear off wearing those boots ever again, or at least, 7 in the morning.

  • But I like the way they look, and I don't ever want my mind ghosts to stop me from doing

  • something.

  • And so.

  • I wore them again, and I've kept wearing them for a couple weeks, and in that time,

  • something interesting has happened.

  • I've gone from feeling self conscious in my loud ass boots, to feeling confident in

  • them.

  • Just yesterday I was out and about running errands here in the city.

  • It was really hot outside, I was sweaty, I was carrying Fred in my arms as well as my

  • jacket that I had taken off.

  • It wasn't my best look, but somehow, the little click clack sounds made me feel like

  • the world was my runway, as if with each step I took, I was announcing that there's a

  • fine woman coming through.

  • This is all in my head, of course.

  • Literally no one was looking at me.

  • I never feel that way when I'm walking in my sneakers.

  • And it's got me thinking: what are some other small, not-so-obvious things that may

  • boost self-confidence?

  • Confidence

  • comes from a Latin word 'fidere' which means "to trust"; therefore, having self-confidence

  • is having trust in one's self.

  • Wikipedia always gives the best definitions.

  • Personally, I define confidence as being aware that I'm actually cool and competent.

  • Broadly speaking, of course.

  • Here are some things that have helped with that:

  • TWO: Leaving self-labels in the past.

  • I strongly believe that the labels we use to describe ourselves impact our lives more

  • than we think.

  • Even when we use them jokingly.

  • I avoid saying things like “I'm weirdor “I suck”.

  • Basically, I won't call myself anything that I don't want to be.

  • I'm not going to say “I'm awkwardif I don't want to be awkward.

  • And if I feel like I need to use such a word to describe what I'm feeling, I'll find

  • a way to communicate it using different words.

  • THREE: If you've ever been socially anxious, you

  • know what it's like to get caught up in thoughts likeWhat do I sound like?”,

  • are my hand gestures weird?”, “How do I look?”.

  • It's just a bunch of I's.

  • And look, caring about how we're perceived is human nature.

  • And to a certain extent, we should care.

  • But it's easy to get so caught up in our thoughts about ourselves, that we forget to

  • listen, to be present, to pay attention to anything happening outside of ourselves.

  • I've gotten better at reminding myself to shift my focus outward instead.

  • I'll think things likeWhat impression is this person leaving on me?

  • Rather than obsessing over what impression I'm leaving on them.”

  • I'll thinkDo I like this person?”

  • Instead of worrying they may not like me.

  • Being able to ask good questions because you've been paying attention boosts confidence.

  • Being able to evaluate a person and trusting your judgment boosts confidence.

  • Remembering what someone said boosts confidence.

  • The list goes on.

  • If you struggle with getting too caught up in your head, one small piece of advice I

  • have is to wear something that's going to remind you each time you look at it, like

  • a ring for example.

  • FOUR: In fact, wear two rings: one that reminds you to not hunch.

  • Good posture isn't only necessary to give a good impression on others, but on yourself

  • too!

  • Did you know that your posture matters even when you're SITTING DOWN?

  • As in, an upright posture can give more confidence in your own thoughts?

  • Body language makes a world of a difference.

  • Let me actually show you: (clip of walking hunched vs not hunched)

  • FIVE: I read in a study that Perfumery can be likened to the nose as music is to the

  • ear.

  • That same study found that 90% of all women tested in the fragrance study reported feeling

  • more confident when they wore fragrance than when they did not”.

  • It had the same effect on men.

  • I'm very picky with scents, and it's taken me half a lifetime, but I've finally found

  • a couple scents that I really like.

  • It's subtle, it's yummy, and it gives me a boost knowing I smell good and I've

  • gotten complimented on it, so

  • SIX: Becoming aware of the spotlight effect.

  • The psychological phenomenon that makes us all think that people are noticing us more

  • than they actually are.

  • You are the center of your own world, but you're not the center of everyone else's world.

  • SEVEN: Getting better at small-talk and actually learning to enjoy it.

  • I truly value human connections and I'm genuinely interested in people, but striking

  • up conversations with people I don't know hasn't come naturally to me.

  • Until I got a dog.

  • I'd say I've probably socialized more in this past year that I've had him, then

  • I did in the three years prior to that.

  • Not a day goes by where I don't stop and have a chat with other dog owners.

  • And in the beginning it felt strange, but now, I don't even think about it.

  • Like I actually enjoy going to the dog park and hanging out with other hoomans.

  • I just feel more confident approaching people in general.

  • It just goes to show that the more we do something, the easier it gets.

  • EIGHT.

  • Becoming more comfortable in my femininity.

  • I'm making a whole separate video on that.

  • It's truly been life changing.

  • NINE.

  • Don't choose comfort over happiness.

  • I'll leave that one up for you to interpret.

  • TEN.

  • Being clueless and confident isn't admirable, it's foolishness.

  • As Charles Bukowski wrote, "The problem with this world is that the intelligent people

  • are full of doubts and the stupid ones are full of confidence."

  • I do my best to be well-prepared for situations that call for it.

  • We all feel good when we're able to spit facts and thrive in a meeting or a debate

  • or just a casual conversation even, simply because we've done our homework.

  • And if I'm not prepared or if I'm simply not knowledgeable on a topic, I'll just

  • say it.

  • I'll be likehey, I have no idea what the capital of the US is, but I'd love to

  • learn.”

  • I'm kidding.

  • I know it's New York.

  • ELEVEN.

  • Being useful.

  • We all want to feel like our presence, our competence and our input matters.

  • Humans have a need to be needed.

  • We want to feel like we're contributing.

  • We don't want to feel like an extra that could easily be switched out.

  • In my opinion, we make ourselves useful by being competent, which speaks for itself,

  • but also by assuming responsibility.

  • Volunteer to chop the onion or to make that call.

  • Be useful.

  • And if it gets to a point of people pleasing and others running you over, you're in the

  • wrong tribe, my friend.

  • TWELVE.

  • Get a haircut.

  • Try different hairstyles.

  • For me, styled bangs vs unstyled bangs makes like a 50 % difference in my confidence.

  • THIRTEEN.

  • Make sure you feel good in the clothes you wear.

  • Do you want people to see you in that outfit?

  • If the answer is no, go change.

  • Don't go out in the world prepared to hide.

  • FOURTEEN I've been trying to adopt more social optimism, and just optimism in general,

  • which essentially means that I go into situations expecting a positive outcome to be more likely

  • than a negative outcome.

  • FIFTEEN.

  • And if it doesn't, I try to be okay with that and move on with my life.

  • When we grow more resilient, we no longer fear things like rejection, failure or embarrassment

  • to the extent where we let it hold us back in life.

  • I'd like to leave you with this quote.

  • I don't know who originally said it, but here it is: “A bird sitting on a tree is

  • never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its

  • own wings.”

19 easy things that make you feel instantly confident

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