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  • That's not how you fold the towels.

  • It doesn't matter how you fold a towel.

  • It does matter how you fold a towel; if you want it to fit in the closet, you have to roll it.

  • Oh my God, could you chew any louder?

  • This goes on here. It takes 2 seconds.

  • Well, then the next person who comes in will do it.

  • That's not the point.

  • Hey, did you throw away my leftovers?

  • No.

  • I could have swooh, you bitch!

  • What did you call me?

  • Nothing.

  • The toilet paper goes over. It's printed that way so you could see it.

  • No, the toilet paper goes under so that the cats don't get at it.

  • That makes no sense.

  • What do you want to get for dinner?

  • I don't really care.

  • Then just pick something.

  • You choose.

  • Told you!

  • Shut up.

  • I don't see why I have to put the utensils face down.

  • Because when they're sticking up like that, if someone trips and falls, they're going to impale themselves and die.

  • That's literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

  • I'm not playing this game where I list every single thing and you shoot it all down; I'm not doing this again.

  • Well, then I don't know what to tell you.

  • Oh my gosh, watch this! This is the best line.

  • Did you watch this without me?

  • You weren't home!

  • Seriously? 6 more inches and it's in the sink!

  • Well, then put it in 6 more inches. Get it?

  • I get it.

  • Anything will be fine.

  • - It's food. - Fine, fine! Alright, we're gonna get pizza.

  • Anything but pizza.

  • What do you wanna eat?

  • That is Bill Paxton.

  • It is Bill Pullman.

  • Bill Paxton was in "Aliens". That is Bill Paxton.

  • That is him. Game over, man. That is that man right there.

  • Why am I gonna put them away? I'm wearing them tomorrow morning.

  • I don't care if you're wearing them tomorrow morning. I don't want them just sitting by my side of the bed all night.

  • Why do you do this? You squeeze from the bottom.

  • The next person doesn't have to squeeze then.

  • It's toothpaste. It's not like it's hard to squeeze it from a new area on the tube.

  • Why are we fighting about this?

  • Why are we fighting about this?

  • Why are we fighting about this?

  • I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you make the decision.

  • With that being said, I think your original call of pizza is fine. Just no pepperoni.

  • What do you want on it then?

  • - Anything other than pepperoni. - Oh my God...

  • I'm going to murder you and when the pizza guy gets here, he's going to help me bury your body and then we're going to get married.

  • No, he won't, 'cause he'll probably be like, "Yeah, I feel you, bro."

That's not how you fold the towels.

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