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  • One Krabby Patty for me

  • and the Pipsqueak Patty for the boy.

  • Now wait just a darn minute.

  • [sighing]

  • I don't want a Pipsqueak Patty.

  • I want an adult size Krabby Patty.

  • The Krabby Patty is too big for you.

  • You'll never finish it.

  • Don't you see what you're doing? You're treating me like a child.

  • The boy's eyes are bigger than his stomach.

  • [laughing]

  • And that's another thing, I'm not a boy.

  • I'm so old, I got hairs growing out

  • of the wrinkles on my liver spots.

  • One Pipsqueak Patty.

  • And your bib and high chair.

  • [laughing]

  • Hey, where are those weenies?

  • Your weenie, sir.

  • What in the name

  • of Davy Jones' gym shorts are these?

  • They're Weenie Patties.

  • What are you, some kind of nut? You've ruined my weenies!

  • You're fired!

  • Ah! But Mr. Krabs, why?

  • Mister who?

  • I mean Mr. Wiener.

  • Just go.

  • Free Krabby Patties. Step up ! Step up!

  • You'll never get this chance again, folks.

  • Free Krabby Patties?

  • Hey, what's all the hubbub?

  • Didn't you hear?

  • Someone's giving away free Krabby Patties.

  • That's it. [laughing]

  • Hey, wait a minute.

  • Aren't you the same guy

  • what was giving away them rotted chump samples before?

  • Uh, oh, that wasn't me. That was, uh, my brother-in-law.

  • Yeah, uh, Flankton.

  • Oh, okay.

  • [groaning]

  • ♪ I'm right here to stay When I'm old and grey

  • ♪ I'll be right in my prime

  • Living in the sunlight Loving in the moonlight

  • Having a wonderful time

  • [humming]

  • [humming]

  • Okay, Mr. Krabs, prepare yourself.

  • Don't bother sitting down cause you'll just stand up

  • when you see this. Tada!

  • Great Barrier Reef! That patty's spoiled!

  • [laughing]

  • Mr. Krabs, it's not tainted meat,

  • it's painted meat.

  • Pretty Patties, available in six designer colors.

  • [laughing]

  • Mr. Squidward, come look!

  • Don't that look appetizing?

  • Mmm mmm good, sir.

  • [laughing]

  • I'm starving.

  • No problem. Two patties coming right up.

  • Your Doodle Patty, sir.

  • Tastes weird.

  • Yeah, they are a little dry.

  • Squirrels can do anything they want to.

  • I bet they can't eat

  • a Krabby Double Deluxe in one bite.

  • Give me that.

  • They don't call me Cheeks for nothing.

  • [laughing] Thank you. Thank you.

  • Well, that's just one thing.

  • That ain't right.

  • I will never spend money here again.

  • - Never? - Come on, guys.

  • These patties ain't worth the paper they're printed on.

  • Wait! Where you going?!

  • SpongeBob! What are you doing back here?!

  • Do you expect the customers to eat this?

  • And now, thanks to you, they're leaving in boatloads.

  • Maybe this thing is out of ink.

  • [sighing]

  • Hey, Squidward.

  • Now what?

  • Oh, you're gonna love this, Spongy Patties.

  • Spongy Patties?

  • Yeah, I want you to start using 'em

  • instead of the other ones.

  • Where did you get them?

  • They were just the boxes of patties

  • we didn't have room for in the freezer.

  • They turned yellow. You got to keep

  • those SpongeBob ice cubes somewhere, you know?

  • You mean to tell me you actually expect people

  • to pay 1.98 dollars for a rotten patty?

  • Squidward, you're right.

  • This instant success must be scrambling my brain.

  • We'll make 'em 2.98.

  • Mmm mmm.

  • Oh. Yum.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • Hey, buddy. What the heck is that?

  • Why, this is a hole, good sir.

  • You see, I am a sponge, and we typically--

  • Not that. That.

  • It's just a little old Krabby Patty

  • smothered in jellyfish jelly.

  • I call it a Krabby Patty with Jellyfish Jelly.

  • Could I try some?

  • Sure.

  • Amazing.

  • That imposter wants a Krabby Patty,

  • then by Neptune, we'll give him one.

  • You're dancing with the Krab man, now.

  • Join me, boy, or you're fired.

  • It doesn't seem right.

  • But it feels so good.

  • Seahorse radish:

  • the gnarliest stuff in the ocean.

  • Ooh, hold on, I've got a jar of toenail clippings

  • in my office!

  • Oops, I dropped it in the toilet!

  • Well, fish it out,

  • and I'll dry it with me gym socks!

  • Why, that's the most diabolical Krabby Patty

  • ever spawned!

  • I call it the Nasty Patty.

  • [laughing]

  • I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft,

  • four by four, animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy

  • and a squeeze, light axle grease,

  • make it cry, burn it, and let it swim.

  • We serve food here, sir.

  • I got it all ready, Squidward. [gasping]

  • Bubble Bass.

  • SquarePants.

  • I hear talk you make a mean Krabby Patty.

  • Yep. I hear talk you're... kinda picky.

  • Yep.

  • Well, then, here you go.

  • You think this is funny?

  • In a cosmic sort of way, yes.

  • Well, mister funny man,

  • is this how you get your sick kicks?

  • What? It's just an ordinary Krabby-

  • Oh my goodness! Squidward!

  • Here you go, sir.

  • A King-Size Ultra Krabby Supreme with the works,

  • double batter fried, on a stick.

  • Thanks.

  • - Barnacle head. - Pardon me?

  • You forgot your mayonnaise.

  • Thanks.

  • Look at them eating that garbage.

  • It's disgusting.

  • One Monster Krabby Patty, please.

  • No one's ordered a Monster Patty in ages.

  • SpongeBob, one Monster Krabby Patty.

  • Did you say a Monster Krabby Patty?

  • Uh, one Monster Krabby Patty.

  • Monster Krabby Patty?

  • Monster Krabby Patty?

  • Monster Krabby Patty? [toilet flushing]

  • Oh, dear Neptune.

  • Oh, boy.

  • We can do this. At the count of three, we flip.

  • Ready? One, two, three!

  • [screaming]

  • [crying]

  • [crying]

  • Triple Krabby Patty

  • with five scoops of ice cream, please.

  • Squidward, you see me struggling with this boat

  • and you act like you don't care.

  • It's not an act.

  • I hate to do this to you,

  • Triple Krabby Patty with five scoops of ice cream,

  • but I have no choice.

  • No, no, stop! I don't like that!