Thank you Marcus.

Great kind.

Thank you sir, Welcome everybody in here, out there all around the world.

Welcome to the late show.

I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

Ladies and gentlemen, I and back baby Covid.

Come on two times.

Covid is not keeping this guy down more than twice.

Here's what happened had Covid got over Covid then Covid staged a gritty reboot in my lungs, but I'm back and I'm happy to be back mrs Miss these lovely people, Miss y'all.

And while I am happy to be back, I am sad to say that as you know, the number one story today is not only tragic, it is tragically common because the attack in buffalo this weekend is not the first overtly racist mass shooting this country has witnessed in recent years.

It's a truly horrific crime and of course our hearts are with the victims and their families and their community in this case, a predominantly black neighborhood that the suspect targeted after spelling out his motivations clearly in an online rant where he referred to something called replacement theory, a white supremacist conspiracy based on the idea that white people will be replaced by people of color.

Obviously that is racist and hateful and crazy.

Also, if you think white people are being replaced then who's shopping at vineyard vines?

It's a quality product.

Don't get me wrong.

So where does anyone get an idea that monstrous?

Well it used to be only from the farthest right wing fringe organizations.

Your storm fronts your neo Nazis, but these days you can see it every night on tv thanks to Fox news host and dear caught masturbating in the headlights tucker Carlson.

According to the new york times replacement theory is a central theme on tucker's show.

Their investigation found that his producers sometimes scoured his shows raw material from the same dark corners of the internet that the buffalo suspect did.

Now, that doesn't mean tucker is responsible for what happened.

But I would hope it would give anyone pause to find out that their browser history matches that of a mass murderer.

If I found out that Jeffrey Dahmer was really into the Lord of the Rings, I might switch over to the gnarliest stuff.

Okay, let's go visit lion jesus Now.

Although it sounds crazy and I can't believe I'm saying this recent polls show that 50% of Republicans agree with this garbage and not just because it's being mainstreamed by Fox News.

but because it's being mainstreamed by high ranking republican officials like GOP conference chair and judge making a toddler cry at the talent show at least Stefanik.

In a series of facebook ads just last year, Stephanie's campaign claimed that radical democrats plan to grant amnesty to 11 million illegal immigrants will overthrow our current electorate and create a permanent liberal majority in Washington.

Oh and you know what those liberals will do with their powerful permanent majority, beg joe Manchin for paid family leave then he doesn't vote for it.

Say oh okay then is there something else we could do for you?

What if we fed coal directly to dolphins.

So that's, that's terrible, terrible news.

But there's something I don't get to say a lot.

There's actually good news from Eastern europe because over the weekend, Ukraine won the Eurovision Song Contest.

Yeah.

Slava.

Slava Ukraine, which I believe means suck at Putin because Russia was banned from Eurovision.

Big bummer for Russia's top rapper Meghan.

The potato.

The winning entry was a song from the Ukrainian ban Kalusha orchestra.

Let's see the winners in action.

Mhm.

Mhm Come on, come on, bringing it.

That is my favorite kind of I wanna say folk rap E D m flute based Hobbit rock.

I was so inspired that today, this is true.

I, I sent some people out to buy that yard long one hitter.

The guy is working at the mic, which I now know is called, You have this here.

It's now called a Tell Lanka.

Uh, that's a hot sound sound.

You got it.

That's a hot sound luis play me in.

Mm hmm.

Thank you.

Has Russia surrendered yet.

The winning song is called stefania and was written about the frontman's mother really raising the bar for Children everywhere.

Those nice boys from Ukraine did a whole award winning song about their mom in the middle of a war.

You won't even reply to my emails.

I sent you 10 million memes.

I haven't gotten so much as a lull.

It's a rough time for new parents right now Because nationwide 40% of baby formula is out of stock, luckily for parents, liquor stores still fully stocked.

The.

Mm hmm.

Mhm.

Thank you.

Rhythm is gonna get you the junior juice.

The junior juices in such short supply that recently a three pack of baby formula sold for $238 on Ebay.

That sounds like a lot.

But it was signed by hank Aaron thanks to the shortage.

Some desperate parents are even trying homemade baby formula recipes.

Oh great.

Now everyone's brother in law is going to be pushing their homebrew formula.

Hey little guy try this one.

It's uh, it's pretty good.

It's a fontanel I.

P.

A.

It's got a notes of pumpkin.

It's hoppy.

But it's drinkable coming down to the basement.

Help me bottle it to address the problem.

The biden administration has announced that they will increase imports of formula and crack down on formula price gouging and senator Kirsten Gillibrand has said she will ask President biden to consider using the defense production act.

Yes, it is a full mobilization explains this recruiting poster.

Iowa baba.

Mm hmm.

Republicans.

Mhm mm hmm.

Mhm.

How does he make it make those sounds?

Republicans have a slightly different plan in mind.

Let immigrant babies go hungry because when they're in us custody, our government rightly is responsible for feeding these migrant Children.

So they give them formula and to try to prove that this crisis is because the government's hoarding infant formula at the border.

Republican Representative kat Cammack shared this photo on Fox News which CNN fact checked and found to be powdered milk.

Simple mistake.

They're both white powder also explains this Fox news headline, drug lords hoarding America's pancake mix now with formula with formula running out.

I know what you're thinking, you're thinking steve just order those babies some pizza.

Unfortunately there's also a shortage of pizza delivery drivers.

Oh no we won't be able to get pizza or papa john's I I'm shocked about the driver shortage from what I have seen.

The internet is full of pizza guy recruitment videos and even if the female customer doesn't have cash on hand, apparently the job is very rewarding.

Plus tips sometimes just the tip.

But okay, okay grow up, we're all adults here but okay, no Formula no delivery drivers.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking steve, I'll just have the baby pizzas delivered by airplane?

Great idea but I'm sorry to say there's also a severe pilot shortage in the US.

Oh no.

Now who's gonna tell the flight attendants to prepare for cross check what will happen to all those unchecked crosses.

I don't think the plane will be allowed to land.

We'll just keep the reason for the shortage.

The reason the reason for the shortage is that during the pandemic travel slowed down a bunch of pilots retired and now airlines are rethinking training programs to lower the barrier to entry.

Yes, specifically, one airline is proposing reducing flight our requirements before joining a US carrier.

That's probably gonna change some in flight announcements, attention testers.

This is your captain speaking.

Everything is just hunky, dory up here.

Quick question.

When it comes to altitude, Which would you say is better?

Big number or small number.

We got a great show for you tonight.

My guests are Judd, Apatow and former Defense Secretary Mark esper.

But when we return, I'll tell you some of the juicy details in s spurs.

New book.

Stick around.

Mhm, mm hmm, mm hmm.