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  • Over the past 11 years,

  • I'd often grab a camera crew

  • and hang out with my wonderful staff,

  • including my trusted assistant Sona Movsesian.

  • (audience cheering)

  • Here are some highlights!

  • You got my lunch today?

  • Yeah.

  • I didn't eat lunch today.

  • Oh. (audience chuckles)

  • Evan

  • Mm-hmm.

  • Was told today to go get Conan's lunch.

  • Absolutely, I did that.

  • But Conan didn't eat lunch.

  • Conan didn't even order lunch.

  • I spoke with Sona.

  • Sona! (audience laughs)

  • Sometimes, in order to get things done quickly

  • for me, I might use your name to like light a fire under-

  • What else are you doing

  • for yourself where you use my name?

  • (Sona laughing)

  • Let it go. (laughing) (audience laughs)

  • She just walked away!

  • Did you send this email out to the entire staff?

  • "I know this is a complete abuse of

  • 'Hey everybody,' but if you stole my Gigolos mug,

  • I'm going to find you and destroy you."

  • Did you send that?

  • Uh, yes I did.

  • First of all, what's a Gigolos mug?

  • [Sona] Gigolos is a show on Showtime

  • and it says Gigolos on one side

  • and on the other it says, "Working stiff."

  • (audience laughs)

  • Is "working stiff" like a joke?

  • Yes. (audience laughs)

  • I think so. What's the joke?

  • I think stiff like,

  • like a,

  • like it's a stiff.

  • Like a penis is stiff. (audience laughs)

  • All right, stop. I'm sorry.

  • Is it possible, you had a little drinky winky

  • and maybe misplaced it?

  • I had a drinky like this morning? I had a drinky winky?

  • Do you ever drink at work?

  • (audience laughs)

  • (she sighs) (audience laughs)

  • Okay, let's leave that alone. Let's just leave it alone.

  • If you have any theories about what happened to the mug.

  • People just take shit all the time!

  • (audience laughs)

  • What do you mean people steal stuff?

  • You've had stuff stolen?

  • I made a mark to prove if someone was stealing my booze.

  • What kind of office is this? (audience laughs)

  • Do you keep alcohol in your desk?

  • No, I should though, probably.

  • No. Why should you?

  • It'd make the day more fun.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Okay.

  • Did you take her alcohol, man?

  • Oh, because I'm Irish.

  • Yeah.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Incredible.

  • No, I didn't take her alcohol.

  • I'm not a big drinker.

  • (gulping) (audience laughs)

  • This is a crossword puzzle. Yes.

  • And it was sitting on your desk.

  • So you were doing a crossword puzzle on your desk?

  • Don't. You can't lie in front of the camera.

  • You can't lie.

  • Then yes, I was.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Okay, what are you stuck on?

  • If I say it and then, you know,

  • this ends up on the thing,

  • then people are gonna think I'm stupid for not knowing it.

  • So I just don't want to say it.

  • Okay, a three letter word for vehicle

  • that starts with C is car. (audience laughs)

  • (stamp thuds)

  • Billy, can you ask Sona

  • to bring me a half-caff vanilla latte with skim milk?

  • (band plays upbeat music) (audience cheers)

  • Wait a minute, Sona, this is tea.

  • Just drink it, pussy.

  • (audience laughs)

  • [Conan] Why is this thing open?

  • [Sona] It doesn't close.

  • I can fix this if you want?

  • What? Can you- (plastic crunches)

  • Oh my god! (audience cheers)

  • Conan!

  • [Conan] How about a Hummer?

  • Wanna get a Hummer?

  • [Sona] It needs so much gas.

  • They make a model that only runs on rainforest wood.

  • (audience laughs)

  • That's not true.

  • Okay, good improv partner.

  • (as Sona) "That's not true, that's not true.

  • "No, it's not." (audience laughs)

  • More, with Conan and Sona's improv, when we come back.

  • Well, I'm in a candy shop.

  • (as Sona) "No, you're not."

  • (audience laughs)

  • Imagine we're at the office Okay.

  • And you're wearing that

  • and there's like a call

  • "Steven Spielberg on line one."

  • Steven Spielberg wouldn't call you.

  • (audience laughs)

  • (heroic music)

  • (audience cheers)

  • [Sona] I mean, he just won't have that much drama.

  • (sheep bells clanging)

  • [Conan] Sona, your natural speaking voice

  • is driving them that way.

  • (audience laughs)

  • I think Sona would be easy to find a match for.

  • Good job in America.

  • Well.

  • Good job. (audience laughs)

  • My boss is kind of a dick. (audience laughs)

  • That's not nice.

  • I had something delivered to your house

  • that it felt high time to recognize someone

  • who's doing a killer job.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Wait a minute, I won?

  • I got Employee of the Month!

  • If you're just tuning in Kumail Nanjiani

  • not able to make it tonight. Yeah.

  • And at what point did you realize

  • you were going to be the guest on the show tonight

  • and not Kumail Nanjiani?

  • I think right when I was walking in,

  • like when you called my name, I was like,

  • "Oh shit. They really ran out of stuff to do."

  • (audience laughs and applauds)

  • You're looking for a house right now.

  • Yeah. Can I put you on the spot?

  • Can you buy me a house?

  • Uh. (audience cheers)

  • Buy me a house, buy me a house, buy me a house!

  • (audience continues chanting and cheering)

  • So, tell me what's going on with you guys.

  • I think that there is a mental block

  • I have about helping him.

  • She has a mental block against helping me.

  • She's my assistant! (audience laughs)

  • Let's understand why.

  • I think some positive reinforcement would be nice.

  • And also it'd be great if he stopped

  • being so passive aggressive all the time.

  • (in a voice) I'm not passive aggressive.

  • (audience laughs)

  • These are slanders.

  • He goes into character

  • when he doesn't want to address reality sometimes.

  • (in an accent) This is not true!

  • (audience laughs)

  • I disagree!

  • He does too many bits.

  • Do you see the bits? This never stops.

  • It never

  • The bits are never ending.

  • Like if we're out at a store or something,

  • running an errand, he'll tell the workers,

  • "You better watch out for her cause she steals."

  • (audience laughs)

  • But do you understand how that might make her feel?

  • Like a criminal? Yeah, exactly.

  • (audience laughs)

  • I mean, I used to steal. (audience laughs)

  • [Therapist] Oh, okay.

  • You used to steal!

  • I was totally kidding around.

  • So this is a breakthrough.

  • I stole Skittles from Blockbuster.

  • I stole a stick of gum once from the market.

  • I stole a bracelet from Express.

  • I stole another bracelet from Express

  • and someone told me to return it.

  • I stole a headband from Urban Outfitters once.

  • I stole a hat.

  • Okay.

  • This list doesn't end!

  • So there's some validity here.

  • This is a crime spree that Hillside Strangler would envy.

  • (audience laughs)

  • This works for us.

  • It's sick. It's wrong.

  • Very little is accomplished.

  • [Sona] Very, very little.

  • It's insanity and it should be stopped.

  • It's your job to stop it.

  • Would you like me to fire you?

  • I think we should both be fired.

  • Well, this is great.

  • Are you happy now? You did this.

  • I didn't do it, you did it.

  • I'm gonna get a job at a Burger King

  • and you're going to be my assistant.

  • (audience laughs and cheers)

  • I'd crush it at Burger King.

  • (clapping)

  • Hey, a

  • quick personal note.

  • I think Sona is due to deliver twins in like a week.

  • (audience cheers)

  • We're very excited for her and we love her to death.

  • And you know, what's amazing about Sona,

  • just again, on a personal note, she is always herself.

  • You know, most people,

  • you put a camera on them and they change.

  • They add a little something.

  • Sona, you could put her in Yeah, that's Sona.

  • Radio City Music Hall,

  • and you could bring her out there in front of thousands

  • of people and have it be the most watched television event.

  • And she'd be like, "What's up? What the fuck's going on?"

  • You know? (audience laughs)

  • And she'd be charming and hilarious.

  • She really... I've never met anybody like that before.

Over the past 11 years,

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The Best Of Sona Movsesian | CONAN on TBS

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    林宜悉 posted on 2022/02/16
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