Name: 7 tests of true friendship
Uploaded: 2022-03-04T00:40:09.000Z
Duration: 4 min 43 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

There is a wonderful article in the atlantic called It's your friends who break your heart.

It's an exploration into the great pandemic friendship recognitions.

Friendship fallouts that have occurred during Covid's rain, as we all have called down our social circles to the bare essentials.

It also talks about the nature of friendship as we move into middle age, how necessary friends really are, but how ill equipped society is set up to allow us to maintain strong bonds.

In the article, one quote really struck me in 2009 Dutch sociologist Gerald Molen Horst published a study that showed we replace half of our social network over the course of seven years and according to Laura Carstensen, the director of the Stanford Center on Longevity.

We have two phases when we're young adults going out with strangers and being hungover.

As we move into middle age, we should be in the friendship enjoying stage, deepening the relationships that we formed in our youth.

So friendship endings or as the article author Jennifer Senior calls them little divorces.

They've been really at the forefront of my mind lately.

You know, I had my fair share of great pandemic friendship reckonings and it was very timely that my friend scott Derrickson made this tweet about the seven instances that truly test friendship Covid notwithstanding.

So you find out who your real friends are, when you tell them a hard truth when you achieve significant career success when you get depressed when you grow into a better different person when you fail publicly and or miserably when you grieve and when you move, I found these to be very fascinating, right?

I have either been a part of or witnessed friendship fallout for all of these exact reasons.

Mostly the moving one has been really applicable to me being a military brat.

A lot of my friendships have not stood the test of geographical time, but the most surprising one was when a friend achieved significant career success.

It really through the dynamics of a former friend group like into complete disarray.

And it was fascinating from a psychological perspective to see how varied everyone's reactions were.

From supportive too jealous to self sabotaging the friendship and look as we move into this next stage of life.

Friends disappear for a myriad of reasons.

The seven aforementioned marriage parenthood politics even when you share the same politics.

So I'm here to tell you with this video that it's very normal for friendships to fade.

Keeping friendships is actually way more rare.

According to the survey center on american life, the percentage of americans who say they do not have a single close friend Has quadrupled since 1990, but we know from studies and from just being human beings that friendships are essential as we move on in life because death happens, divorce happens, our kids grow up and leave the nest who are we left with.

It's important that we maintain these bonds.

But the article and myself would argue with the right people who pass the tests of friendship.

People who nurture us who invest in us who choose to prioritize us because that's supposed to be the beauty of friendship, right?

It's a voluntary relationship that we opt in on because Lord knows we're not funding these people so we better really enjoy each other.

In the 1980s, the Oxford psychologist, Michael Argyle and Monica Henderson wrote a seminal paper titled the rules of friendship.

It had six takeaways which albeit are a little on the nose I think are worth seeing if they apply to you.

So in the most stable friendships, people tend to stand up for each other in each other's absence, trust and confide in each other, support each other emotionally offer help If it's required try to make each other happy and keep each other up to date on positive life developments.

And if you've gone through a great pandemic friendship reckoning, fear not as my therapist, the oracle says, there's no such thing as a bad friend.

There's just people who are not your people and conflict is the information.

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7 tests of true friendship

significant

content

engage

pandemic