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  • - Maybe you should spend less time conditioning your hair

  • and spend more time buying one wok.

  • Hair so silky, but no wok.

  • So sad.

  • (beeping)

  • Good news, niece and nephew.

  • ExpressVPN back to sponsor Uncle Roger video.

  • They are so impressed 50 year old uncle like me

  • know what VPN is.

  • If you don't know what is VPN,

  • think of it like MSG for your internet.

  • Uncle Roger, I use express VPN to unblock content.

  • Niece and nephew, if you live in the US,

  • Netflix block all the Studio Ghibli film.

  • All the Asian culture cartoon you cannot watch.

  • Haiya!

  • How you have culture if you don't watch Studio Ghibli?

  • How?

  • But with ExpressVPN,

  • all you have to do is change your country.

  • Changed from US to UK and refresh the page,

  • and now you have all the Studio Ghibli film.

  • Now you can go watch "My Neighbor Totoro," no problem.

  • That's why ExpressVPN is the MSG for your internet.

  • Use it to give Netflix more flavor.

  • Find out how you can get three month free

  • by using link in description below,

  • or go to expressvpn.com/uncleroger.

  • And now we start video.

  • Hello, niece and nephew.

  • It's Uncle Roger.

  • Few week ago, Uncle Roger make video

  • with Ozzy Man Review.

  • We watch all the cooking fails.

  • So satisfying.

  • So Uncle Roger wondering are Australian people

  • better than British people at making egg fried rice?

  • So today I found this cooking YouTuber from Australia.

  • His name, Nat What I Reckon.

  • Let's see how good his egg fried rice skill is.

  • Before we start, niece and nephew,

  • I want you to smack like button.

  • Smack like button now

  • like how your parents smack you when you fail your test.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Oh no!

  • Packet rice to start, oh!

  • (slide whistle whistling)

  • Oh, wait, what he doing?

  • (vacuum whirring)

  • Oh.

  • (upbeat music)

  • (sighs)

  • Uncle Roger, I see packet rice, I feared the worst.

  • Nat What I Reckon,

  • don't start your video like this.

  • You almost gave Uncle Roger heart attack.

  • (vacuum whirring)

  • Uncle Roger think packet rice is so bad,

  • vacuuming packet rice

  • is showing too much respect to packet rice.

  • The rice go into the vacuum,

  • even the dirt inside the vacuum going,

  • who the hell is this?

  • Why you vacuum this trash next to me?

  • (whistling)

  • - What's goin' on, la champignons.

  • Let's have a bit of a chat.

  • - This guy, so many tattoo.

  • Hmm.

  • When Uncle Roger going up,

  • I see people with so many tattoo,

  • I assume they are gangster.

  • But now a day when you have so many tattoo,

  • I assume you make latte.

  • Uncle Roger think this kitchen look too clean,

  • too minimalistic.

  • I think this guy Nat, he hate clutter,

  • except on his skin.

  • This is like white people kitchen.

  • In Asian culture, the messier your kitchen is,

  • the better your food.

  • Uncle Roger see tidy kitchen like this,

  • I don't expect to eat egg fried rice.

  • I expect to eat avocado on toast.

  • - Anyway, we're here to cook fuckin' fried rice.

  • This shit on this shit.

  • There's the fuckin' ingredients.

  • Get fucked.

  • - Haiya, why he cuss so much?

  • Every two word is F bomb.

  • Nat, you cooking egg fried rice,

  • not getting divorced.

  • Why you say F word so much?

  • From now on Uncle Roger gonna bleep out the F word

  • with Chinese sound.

  • (Chinese string music)

  • YouTube, please don't de-monetize Uncle Roger.

  • I am family friendly channel.

  • Is Nephew Nat right here saying all the F word.

  • He put ingredient on screen.

  • Let's see what he have for his egg fried rice.

  • Oh, shitload of garlic!

  • Oh my God!

  • Okay, that is only time cursing acceptable.

  • You can use curse word to describe garlic.

  • Only other time you can use cursing

  • is when your ingredient list,

  • you list out fuckton of MSG.

  • - Right, so here's the big trick with fried rice.

  • You can't just (Chinese string music) some rice

  • and put the hot rice in with the hot ingredients

  • and expect it to be awesome fried rice.

  • - Correct, correct.

  • Never use hot rice for your egg fried rice.

  • - If you don't know how to cook rice, don't worry about it.

  • Here's a flashback from the other week.

  • (bell dinging)

  • For each cup of rice, it's one and a half cups of water.

  • Wash all the stupid shit off the rice

  • that makes the rice stick together.

  • Use cold water.

  • Don't use warm water or you'll cook the rice!

  • Put it in the pot,

  • bang it on the stove.

  • Put a pinch of salt in it, bang the lid on.

  • Bring it to the boil.

  • Once it's boiling, turn the heat down.

  • Keep the lid on it until it's (Chinese string music) cooked.

  • Right-o, champ--

  • - Niece and nephew,

  • you ever notice when you ask white people how to make rice,

  • they give it this long explanation

  • full of mathematical formula.

  • One cup rice, one and half cup water,

  • put on stove, simmer 10 minute.

  • Haiya, too much, too many instruction.

  • You ask Asian people how they make rice,

  • they just tell you,

  • you put in rice cooker and press the button.

  • What are you stupid?

  • Just buy this thing.

  • World War II is over, use technology.

  • When Uncle Roger tell my white people friend

  • to buy rice cooker,

  • they always tell me, "Sorry, cannot buy rice cooker.

  • No space for this single purpose appliance.

  • Rice cooker is single purpose appliance."

  • But then I go to their house and I see toaster!

  • Toaster also single purpose appliance.

  • Why you have that, but not rice cooker?

  • Rice cooker is better kitchen appliance than toaster

  • because rice, you can have for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

  • Toast, you can only have a breakfast.

  • So not versatile.

  • If your parent make you toast for dinner,

  • they don't love you.

  • That is their way of telling you you adopted.

  • (laughing)

  • Sorry, adopted children.

  • (static buzzing)

  • - While the rice is cooling down, cut all this shit up,

  • but keep these aside with your eggs.

  • (knife chopping)

  • - Okay, okay.

  • The cutting quite pro.

  • - Get your two eggs.

  • Crack 'em into a bowl.

  • Eh.

  • And gently whisk them together, champion.

  • Right-o.

  • Right-o.

  • - I don't like how he throw shit around, haiya.

  • You need to treat your kitchen appliance with respect.

  • If Uncle Roger throw shit like this around

  • my parent would beat me.

  • Because Asian parents respect their kitchen appliance

  • more than they respect their children.

  • Uncle Roger so, so much respect for my wok.

  • Every day I talk to my wok,

  • ask him how his day is.

  • It's my only friend now.

  • Uncle Roger love my wok so much,

  • I think I am pansexual.

  • (cheesy romantic music)

  • (beeping) - Now over to the stove.

  • Right-o, first cab off the rankage,

  • silver pan. (pan clattering)

  • Put the pan (pan clattering)

  • (laughing)

  • Turn the (Chinese string music) special, little heat on.

  • (Chinese string music)

  • I've lived here for almost (Chinese string music)

  • three months and I still (Chinese string music)

  • can't work this thing out.

  • Right one.

  • - This is cute.

  • You can tell this guy not professional,

  • but quite charming.

  • - (Chinese string music) Not even a minute, done.

  • Set 'em aside, (Chinese string music) off,

  • in their own little bowl.

  • (bowl clanging)

  • Get your bigger pan.

  • - No, no, no!

  • Nephew Nat, where your wok?

  • Where your wok?

  • You got all the step correct so far,

  • but you don't have wok, haiya!

  • Maybe you should spend less time conditioning your hair

  • and spend more time buying one wok.

  • Hair so silky, but no wok.

  • So sad.

  • - The right one.

  • Now you want to get this one nice and hot.

  • Couple of tablespoons of sesame oil.

  • - No, no, no, no, no.

  • Sesame oil not for cooking.

  • Sesame oil you use for flavoring later.

  • For making egg fried rice,

  • Uncle Roger like to use peanut oil

  • because I want my fried rice to be able to kill off

  • all the weak peanut allergy people.

  • Niece and nephew, just kidding.

  • Uncle Roger love all my niece and nephew,

  • including the weak one.

  • If you have peanut allergy,

  • your life so sad.

  • You go to Asia, you eat egg fried rice,

  • is like Russian roulette.

  • Will I enjoy my meal or will I die?

  • Let's find out.

  • - All right.

  • Now get this shit, put it in that shit.

  • Add your peas.

  • You want to kind of fry it off

  • until you see the meat start to go a little brown.

  • Now the hot tip is try and use a wooden implement

  • and not a metal one.

  • - Oh my God!

  • He use wooden spoon on nonstick pan!

  • Correct!

  • Correct! (children cheering)

  • Uncle Roger respect this nephew.

  • - Next, fang your egg back in,

  • stir that round.

  • And then add your rice in.

  • Now add a couple of tablespoons of oyster sauce

  • and a tablespoon of soy sauce.

  • Now (Chinese string music)

  • - Oh no, no, no.

  • Nephew Nat missing the most important ingredient.

  • MSG.

  • How can you miss the king of flavor?

  • Many niece and nephew asking Uncle Roger,

  • why I like MSG so much?

  • What does MSG taste like?

  • MSG taste like umami.

  • Umami flavor is the best flavor.

  • The basic tastes is sweet, salty, sour, bitter.

  • All of them are bullshit.

  • All I want is umami taste.

  • Umami taste like happiness. (sentimental music)

  • It taste like first love.

  • Taste like warm embrace from your lover.

  • Next time you feel lonely, just eat some MSG.

  • Before MSG, Uncle Roger life in shamble.

  • Ex-wife Auntie Helen left, took everything.

  • I become homeless, sitting on street.

  • Then one day a kind stranger came over to Uncle Roger,

  • sprinkle MSG on me.

  • And next thing you know,

  • I bought this orange polo.

  • - Stir it all together.

  • (Nat grunts)

  • (Nat grunts)

  • - His tossing not as fuiyoh as Uncle Gordon, but it's okay.

  • It's acceptable for amateur cook.

  • Solid B minus.

  • - Give 'em a quick stir through.

  • Serve it up.

  • (calm piano music)

  • - Not bad, not bad.

  • This egg fried rice video is okay.

  • Acceptable.

  • Not Uncle Gordon fuiyoh level, but it's okay.

  • Uncle Roger eat this, I won't vomit.

  • His egg fried rice is pretty good

  • for someone who look like unemployed guitarist.

  • All he need to improve is buy a wok,

  • stop using sesame oil,

  • and use some MSG.

  • Uncle Roger kept my leg on chair the whole time.

  • Niece and nephew, tell me what you think.

  • Is Australian cooking better than British cooking?

  • Subscribe to Uncle Roger channel

  • because next week video gonna be so good.

  • I will review all niece and nephew Halloween outfit.

  • Dress up like Uncle Roger.

  • Uncle Roger already got 500 submission so far.

  • Thank you to all the niece and nephew.

  • You make me feel special

  • See you next week for my Halloween video.

  • Bye bye!

  • I think his kitchen too clean to make egg fried rice.

  • Proper kitchen for Asian egg fried rice need to be messy,

  • need to have clutter everywhere.

  • Maybe some cockroaches here and there.

  • That's how you know the food good,

  • when the cockroach like your food.

  • But this (laughing)

  • It's weird talking to yourself, by the way.

  • Viewers back home, it's really weird.

  • I'm just in the flat by myself

  • and I'm talking at the screen.

  • I'm laughing and (laughing)

  • What has my life become?

  • (beeping)

  • (gasps)

  • (laughing)

- Maybe you should spend less time conditioning your hair

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