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  • Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema.

  • I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid.

  • This week's artifact is Aladdin, a classic Disney hit responsible for the barefoot / shirtless

  • vest / tiny hat craze that became the defining look for a generation.

  • The film takes place in the land of Agrabah, home to Earth's booming population of primarily

  • English-speaking Muslims, and ruled with a cuddly fist by Sultan, the sultan.

  • Jafar, the vice sultan, is a power-hungry sociopath who only cares about magic lamps

  • inside very exclusive caves.

  • Using science, he determines that a homeless peasant named Aladdin is the man for him.

  • To get the lamp, not to date.

  • Although he does have a pretty nice bod...

  • No!

  • It would never work.

  • Meanwhile, Aladdin meets and instantaneously falls in love with Princess Jasmine, who is

  • doing an undercover boss thing to root out unfair labor practices in the market square.

  • Jafar has Aladdin arrested for owning and operating a monkey without a permit, and then,

  • pretending to be a fellow prisoner, frees Aladdin so they can finally go on that date.

  • Once inside the Cave of Oneders, Aladdin's monkey Abu touches a monkey egg, causing the

  • cave to trap them like a monkey inside an egg.

  • Aladdin rubs the lamp and a Genie pops out and does some cocaine-fueled stand-up before

  • granting him three wishes.

  • So he wishes to be a prince, which I guess means the Genie creates an entire kingdom

  • for him somewhere else?

  • But not one for him to rule, since he's only a prince, so does the Genie make him a fake

  • mom and dad to be king and queen?

  • Unconcerned with the semantics, Aladdin parades into town as Prince Ali A-barbara to force

  • Jasmine on a magic carpet ride for what must be weeks based on the amount of ground they cover.

  • And just like that, they're back in love city, population them.

  • Unfortunately, Jafar, who is clearly just making it up as he goes along, has now decided

  • he wants to become sultan by marrying Jasmine.

  • So he sends Prince Ali to sleep with the fishes, with the hope that Jasmine will break up with

  • him when she finds out he f*cked a bunch of fish.

  • but the Genie uses wish #2 to keep his buddy's

  • dick safely in his parachute pants.

  • To keep things moving, Jafar steals the lamp from Aladdin and starts wishing up a storm.

  • He turns into a giant snake, and using rudimentary shape association, Aladdin figures it's time

  • to use the old noodle.

  • He tricks Jafar into wishing to become a genie, which seems like it should be against the

  • rules, but whatever, it traps him.

  • Aladdin uses his final wish to free the original Genie, whose name is Kevin, and tells Jasmine

  • the truth about his homelessness.

  • She gives him some spare change and sends him on his way.

  • Aladdin explores the concept of freedom, which Earthlings were obsessed with because they

  • were trapped in only three dimensions.

  • Many characters in the film feel inhibited in some way.

  • Jafar hates serving the Sultan, Aladdin is frustrated that everyone he knows is a monkey,

  • the Genie wants to be able to wear Hawaiian shirts, and Jasmine's got her whole deal.

  • The film illustrates Jasmine's plight using the metaphor of a caged bird . This recurring

  • trope appears in literature and film to symbolize literal or metaphorical imprisonment, usually

  • of a young woman.

  • Or a bird.

  • The characters believe they are limited by who they are; thus, they constantly change

  • their identities.

  • Aladdin disguises himself as a prince in order to win Jasmine some free concert tickets.

  • Conversely, Jasmine dresses as a commoner to get away from all the concerts they're

  • always having at the palace.

  • But it is Jafar who has truly mastered the art of obfuscation.

  • By naming his parrot Iago, the film equates him to one of the great manipulators in literary

  • history: Shakespeare's Iago, the sneaky lieutenant who deceives Shakespeare's Othello into murdering

  • his own wife, Shakespeare's Othello's wife.

  • However, any success gained through subterfuge is just a temporary tattoo on the soul.

  • Jafar can't hang onto the lamp he acquired under false pretences, and Jasmine sees through

  • Aladdin's inability to alter his face or voice in any way.

  • The film suggests that masquerade will produce unsatisfactory results because it's what's

  • on the inside of the human body that counts.

  • The Cave of Oneders demonstrates this early in the film, when it rejects the murderous

  • thief with liver failure but accepts Aladdin, whose organs are perfectly functional.

  • Even as the film attempts to show that money can't buy me love, it ultimately reinforces

  • the distinction between the haves and the haven't-anys.

  • The film seems to suggest money is a trap, either literally, as it is in the Cave of

  • Oneders, or figuratively, as demonstrated by Aladdin's failure to impress Jasmine with

  • his expensive hat feather.

  • Therefore we aren't really on board with Jafar's capitalist philosophy.

  • But, in a sense, he's right.

  • While Aladdin's street rat cunning enables him to defeat Jafar, he and the princess wind

  • up in the same predicament as before: separated by status.

  • Aladdin may be a "diamond in the rough," but that basically just makes him a lump of coal.

  • It's only when the sultan changes the law that he and Jasmine are truly equalized,

  • so as long as we can count on our leaders to admit when they're wrong, everything will

  • be A-ok.

  • For Earthling Cinema, I'm Garyx Wormuloid.

  • As-Salaam-Alaikum

Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema.

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