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  • Sometimes, we all want to be treated like royalty - and the best way to ensure that

  • happens is to actually become royalty!

  • You may think this is an impossible task: Surely, if you're not born with blue blood

  • in your veins - metaphorically speaking - there's almost no way you can actually justbecome

  • royalty.

  • But hey, a small chance is still a chance, and today, we're gonna tell you exactly

  • how a regular potato farming peasant like you can step up and join the aristocracy.

  • When you picture a modern monarchy, chances are your attention immediately drifts to House

  • Windsor, the current reigning royal family of Great Britain, headed by their matriarch,

  • Queen Elizabeth the Second.

  • So before we consider international alternatives for royal infiltration, let's first discuss

  • all the ways you potentially could - and also definitely couldn't - find your way into

  • Queen Elizabeth's coveted Christmas card list.

  • The most obvious option is marrying your way in.

  • The bride or groom of a royal automatically becomes a royal in the process.

  • And you may be thinking, “But how can I possibly expect to marry a royal if I'm

  • not already of noble birth?

  • Aren't the English royals kind of famous for 'keeping it in the family', so to

  • speak?”

  • And you're not crazy for thinking this.

  • Before the last two decades, Lady Di - known to many asThe People's Princess”,

  • and wife of Prince Charles before her untimely death - was considered the most down-to-earth,

  • likable, and fun member of the royal family.

  • From spending time with AIDS patients while the disease was still highly stigmatized,

  • to hanging out with iconic Queen frontman Freddie Mercury in gay bars while in disguise.

  • Yes, that really happened.

  • But even Diana was the child of a Viscount and a Viscountess, both of which already had

  • strong ties to the Windsor dynasty.

  • But times have changed.

  • The last eleven years have given us two famous royal weddings between princes in the lines

  • of succession and women of potato farmer birth: The wedding of Prince William to Catherine

  • KateMiddleton, and the marriage of Prince Harry to Meghan Markle.

  • The case of Meghan Markle, now the Duchess of Suffolk, is particularly inspiring for

  • people outside the UK looking to marry their way into British royalty: She's an American

  • woman, born to two American parents.

  • So let's take a quick look at how these two boundary-pushing royal marriages happened,

  • and see if we can pick up any royal seduction tactics along the way.

  • First, Kate Middleton: She first started dating Prince William when they boarded together

  • during their college education at the University of St Andrews, in Scotland.

  • If you've got good looks and a magnetic personality, picking up a Prince or a Princess

  • in college doesn't seem like it'd be so hard, but the hard part is actually attending

  • the kind of college that royalty favors.

  • St Andrews is the oldest and most prestigious university in Scotland, having been founded

  • in 1413.

  • So if you want to attend somewhere like that and meet the royal date of your dreams, it'll

  • help you to study hard and also be obscenely wealthy.

  • But what about Harry and Meghan?

  • While William and Kate's meet-up is an almost disappointingly pedestrian tale of college

  • romance, Harry and Meghan's love story is a lot more like a fantastical romantic comedy

  • you'd see on Netflix.

  • Harry had always been considered somewhat of the black sheep of the royal family - the

  • Chet Hanks to Prince Charles' Tom.

  • For years, he'd been known for his wild and controversial party antics, which more

  • often than not got him in trouble with the notoriously rabid British tabloids.

  • Meghan is a little more aspirational for all you would-be royal partners out there than

  • the privileged, British Kate.

  • While Meghan's parents were both successful in their own right, she wasn't enmeshed

  • in the complex social hierarchy of the British high life.

  • Meghan forged her own public identity through cultivating a pretty successful career in

  • show business, occasional public activism, and a popular social media presence bolstered

  • by frequent blogging.

  • These are all things that you or I could, in theory, do.

  • But as the old saying goes, “it's not what you know, it's who you know”, and

  • this was definitely true for Meghan.

  • According to Prince Harry, a mutual friend of theirs set them up on a blind date in 2016,

  • where they immediately hit it off.

  • The two most likely candidates for their mysterious matchmaker are noble-born Violet von Westenholz

  • and successful fashion designer Misha Nonoo.

  • What can we, as aspiring royalty, learn from this?

  • That it can massively increase your chances of marrying into the royal family if you first

  • successfully infiltrate and ingratiate yourself to their social circle, like your average

  • Facebook Stalker on steroids.

  • So now you know two tried and true methods of marrying your way into the British royal

  • family.

  • But again, you're probably thinking, “These are two exceptional circumstances, where chance

  • played a huge factor.

  • How can I leave my potato farm behind and work to increase my chances of marrying royalty?”

  • And one suggestion you may see bandied around is buying your way into the UK aristocracy

  • in order to get closer to your target.

  • How would a person do this, exactly?

  • A key thing about being a British aristocrat is being a landowner.

  • There are a number of services out there that allow you to buy an obscenely small piece

  • of land - for example, half an inch of the Scottish wilderness - and go on to claim that

  • this makes you, for example, a Lord or Lady.

  • It's definitely a fun novelty gift for a royalist friend or family member, but this

  • industry is actually largely a scam.

  • British law states that these kinds of titles are effectively worthless, and mean about

  • as much as declaring yourselfEmperor of Central ParkorSovereign of the Moon.”

  • It's the tacky illusion of nobility - like thinking the actual height of wealth and taste

  • is one of Donald Trump's solid gold toilets.

  • Not only is buying your way in like this effectively worthless, but it might also go against your

  • plans for getting closer to royalty.

  • A number of people who were actually born into the aristocracy will look down on you

  • for cheating like that.

  • Richard Bridgeman, 7th Earl of Bradford, even made a whole website to debunk the value of

  • these so-calledtitle mills.”

  • Even if you're doing it the really expensive way, and buying a Scottish Baron title for

  • six or seven figures, you're always going to look like a counterfeit aristocrat.

  • So, seeing as marrying is your primary option now, the next question is: Who?

  • We're gonna cast our net a little wider than just the British royal family here, to

  • show you just how many royals across the globe are looking to get hitched.

  • For example Edward Windsor, aka Lord Downpatrick, King Leruo Molotlegi of the Royal Bafokeng

  • Nation, Sheikha Maitha bint Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum of the UAE, Princess Maria Laura

  • of Belgium, Archduchess of Austria-Este, Prince Joachim of Belgium, Princess Alexandra and

  • Princebastien of Luxembourg, Lady Marina Charlotte Windsor, and Prince Adam of Eternia

  • But wait, there's more!

  • There's also Lady Amelia Sophia Theodora Mary Margaret Windsor, Prince Wenzeslaus of

  • Liechtenstein, Princess Elizabeth and Prince Albert of Thurn and Taxis, Prince Haji Abdul

  • Azim of Brunei, Prince Constantine-Alexios, Princess Theodora, and Prince Philippos of

  • Greece and Denmark, Aragorn King of Gondor, Princess Sirivannavari Nariratana of Thailand,

  • Princess Beatrice Elizabeth Mary of York, Prince Hamdan bin Mohammed of Dubai, and Crown

  • Prince Hussein bin Abdullah of Jordan.

  • So as you can see, there are a hell of a lot of eligible royal bachelors and bachelorettes

  • for you to choose from in your campaign of seduction.

  • But maybe you're not the marrying type, or you're already taken and don't feel

  • like giving up your current relationship for a narrow shot at getting yourself a royal

  • title.

  • What other ways can the average potato farmer break through the gilded ceiling, and get

  • themselves a seat at the royal table?

  • There have been some pretty strange outliers throughout history.

  • Charles Burgess Fry was an eccentric English renaissance man, who dabbled in everything

  • from diplomacy to cricket, perhaps making him one of the most British men of all time.

  • He was such an exceptional chap that many believe he was once offered the throne of

  • Albania, though he also apparently turned it down, likely because he was already too

  • busy.

  • So if you dedicate your life to being a truly exceptional person in a number of fields,

  • a country in the Balkans may just offer you a seat in their monarchy.

  • But you probably shouldn't count on it, especially considering the Balkans don't

  • have any surviving monarchies in the modern day.

  • There are two other ways you can start counting yourself among the ranks of royalty.

  • The first is genealogical - you can try searching through your family history to find some royal

  • lineage, however tenuous, and hopping on that as your claim for inclusion.

  • It's the King Ralph approach - a forgettable John Goodman comedy about an average joe who

  • discovers, by pure chance, he's next in the line of succession for the throne.

  • Of course, the big problem with this approach is that if you go back far enough, pretty

  • much everyone will be related to some kind of long-deceased royal.

  • 80% of the modern British population descended from King Edward III, and it's believed

  • that one in 200 men alive today are related to legendary Mongol ruler Genghis Khan - because

  • Edward and Genghis may have been history's greatest players.

  • But trotting out your vague genealogical links to either of these men as a sign of royalty

  • will almost definitely get you laughed out of the palace, then beaten up by the royal

  • guard.

  • But what if you want your ascendance to the throne to be decidedly more Game of Thrones

  • than The Crown?

  • If there's a kingdom you've set your sights on, and you've got both a Machiavellian

  • streak and a large army at your disposal, you can always take over and install yourself

  • as the new royal ruler by force.

  • All you'd need to do is find powerful figures within the kingdom of your choosing willing

  • to support your coup, thanks to the promise of kickbacks and advantages under your new

  • royal regime.

  • But as the Wire's Omar Little, paraphrasing Ralph Waldo Emerson, put it, “If you come

  • at the king, you best not miss.”

  • Because if your attempt at a takeover fails, you're almost definitely going to be tried

  • for the crime of High Treason, and if convicted, you'll earn yourself a life in prison in

  • some places, and execution in others.

  • It's the very definition of a High Risk, High Reward scenario.

  • So before rousing your troops and preparing to lay siege to the kingdom of your choice,

  • really, really ask yourself whether it's worth it.

  • Also, for the record, The Infographics Show does not endorse royal coups or high treason

  • of any kind, so don't blame us when you end up behind bars or on the chopping block.

  • The final question is really asking yourself whether you'd want to be a member of a monarchy

  • at all.

  • Take the British royal family, for example.

  • There are certainly some wonderful benefits to membership - working royals get access

  • to historic homes, and get many of their financial needs taken care of.

  • As well as some stranger benefits, like Prince Charles getting his shoelaces ironed, and

  • the Queen not needing to use ID.

  • Though to be fair, Queen Elizabeth can just use English money as photo ID.

  • But it also comes with its fair share of drawbacks.

  • Much like American Presidents, there are a huge number of things the Royals can't do,

  • due to security risks, like drive on public roads, go for walks alone, or have a simple

  • trip to the supermarket.

  • You also lose almost all of your privacy, and a right to a quiet life, from a combination

  • of encroaching royal duties and the ever-present camera lenses of the paparazzi.

  • There's a reason Meghan and Harry decided to renounce their positions as working Royals.

  • Sometimes, it's just a little too much to handle.

  • But hey, perhaps it's all worth it to get a cool title, sit on a fancy chair, and maybe,

  • if you're really, really lucky, someday wear a crown.

  • Before going back to the potato fields check out “7 People Who Pretended to be Royals

  • - Did They Get Away With It?” andThe Weird Secret Rules The Royal Family Has To

  • Followfor more ridiculous royal facts!

Sometimes, we all want to be treated like royalty - and the best way to ensure that

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This is How You Can Legally Become a Royal

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    Summer posted on 2021/08/22
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