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  • - Hey Penny, come on in.

  • - Hey, guys.

  • - See a Penny, pick her up,

  • and all the day you'll have good luck.

  • - No, you won't.

  • (canned laughter) (upbeat music)

  • Give me back my key.

  • - I'm very, very sorry.

  • - Do you understand how creepy this is?

  • - Oh, yes. We discussed it at length last night.

  • - In my apartment while I was sleeping.

  • - And snoring.

  • And that's probably just a sinus infection,

  • but it could be sleep apnea.

  • You might want to see an otolaryngologist,

  • the throat doctor.

  • - And what kind of doctor remove shoes from asses?

  • - Depending on the depth,

  • that's either a proctologist or a general surgeon.

  • Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny.

  • - Oh, what, what, what?

  • - This is a complex battle simulation

  • with a steep learning curve.

  • There are myriad weapons, vehicles, and strategies

  • to master, not to mention an extremely intricate backstory.

  • (bomb exploding)

  • Oh cool, whose head did I just blow off?

  • - Mine.

  • - Hey guys, this package came for you.

  • - Dr. Cooper is working.

  • - Yes, I'm close to a breakthrough.

  • Oh, tickles.

  • - Sorry.

  • Holy crap on a cracker.

  • - Hey, Penny.

  • - Hi.

  • You know, you probably don't want to go in there.

  • - Why? What are they doing?

  • - The only way I could explain it would be

  • in a therapist's office with dolls.

  • Oh no, are all the machines taken?

  • What are you gonna do?

  • - No problem.

  • I'll just do my laundry another night.

  • - Another night? Well, I guess you can try.

  • But, deep inside your heart you'll know

  • that laundry night is always Saturday night.

  • - Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.

  • - Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

  • - Come on, I wanna stop at Walgreens

  • and pick up some more eyeliner.

  • - They're gonna get beaten up at that club.

  • - They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.

  • Yo, Raj, talk to me.

  • I'm sorry, just screwing with you.

  • Hey Howard, why haven't you called Bernadette?

  • - Did she say something?

  • - Yeah, she said she hasn't heard from you in a week.

  • I thought you liked her.

  • - I do, but she wants a commitment.

  • And I'm not sure if she's my type.

  • - She agreed to go out with you for free.

  • What more do you need?

  • - Well, I'd ask you guys if you want dessert,

  • but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays.

  • And even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me.

  • Howard wont order anything,

  • but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment

  • involving the words pie or cheesecake.

  • And Leonard's lactose intolerance,

  • so he can't eat anything here

  • without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.

  • Hey, guys.

  • - More Halloween candy?

  • Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?

  • - Oh yeah, that's gone.

  • It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit

  • at the same time.

  • You know, those girls text me every detail

  • of their lives as it happens.

  • - I'm not signing a prenup.

  • - All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up.

  • You sign anything she puts in front of you

  • because you are the luckiest man alive.

  • If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else.

  • Speaking on behalf of all women, it is not gonna happen.

  • We had a meeting.

  • - Yeah, are you familiar with the Higgs boson?

  • - Of course.

  • It is, it's been in the news and it's a very famous boson.

  • - Nice try.

  • - Now, in 1964, Dr. Peter Higgs,

  • accomplished self-promoter and physicist,

  • he wrote a paper postulating

  • the existence of a subatomic particle called

  • the Higgs boson.

  • Now, initially the paper was rejected.

  • But recently, he was proven right.

  • And now, he's on the fast track to win a Nobel Prize.

  • - Yeah, that's basically what I said.

  • - Come on, we must know somebody

  • who can do manly stuff like this.

  • - Sup?

  • - If you're not in the mood for coffee,

  • I can always make you a chai tea 3PO.

  • - Oh, I get it, like C-3PO.

  • What happened to me?

  • - When Darth Vader struck down Obi-Wan,

  • did Luke cry like a baby and go to his funeral?

  • - No, he blew up the Death Star. Why do I know this?

  • - Before you go, at least let me pack you some

  • Attack of the Scones for the road.

  • - Oh, like Attack of the Clones. We are leaving right now.

  • Hi.

  • - Hey. How are things on the set?

  • - Pretty good, actually.

  • - The movie's not as bad as you thought?

  • - Oh no, it is.

  • But, I decided instead of complaining about it,

  • I'm just gonna go in every day and give it my all.

  • - Good for you.

  • - Thanks.

  • There's no reason why I shouldn't be

  • the best bisexual go-go dancer slowly transforming

  • into a killer gorilla anyone's ever seen.

  • - Why do you think you'd make

  • a good pharmaceutical sales rep?

  • - Well, I'm a people person.

  • People like me. Some of my favorite people are people.

  • I feel like I'm saying people a lot,

  • people, people, people.

  • Okay, I'm done.

  • - You sure?

  • - People. Yes.

  • Your mom's never been too thrilled with our relationship.

  • Maybe I should get her something so she warms up to me.

  • - If you could run out and get a PhD,

  • that might make her like you.

  • - Really? It didn't work for you.

  • I don't think any of your comfort zones are showing.

  • - Yeah, it's your third date.

  • Maybe you could go more sexy.

  • - Well, some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.

  • - No one ever bought me drinks at a bar

  • because my brain just popped out of my shirt.

  • - Look, I get it.

  • It's still my room. We haven't really made it yours.

  • - Thank you.

  • - Which is why I got you this pink Power Ranger.

  • Put it anywhere you like.

  • - Okay, but you may feel some discomfort.

  • He stole my comment.

  • - I know. But on the other hand, do you really care?

  • - Yes, I care. This happens to me all the time.

  • People take one look at me

  • and assume I don't know what I'm talking about.

  • - I'm sure that's not true.

  • - I'm sorry, are you saying I don't know

  • what I'm talking about?

  • - It's just a haircut and some clothes.

  • - No, it's the last straw. I can't take any more.

  • (bell dinging)

  • (audience cheering)

  • - You believe it? They finally fixed the elevator.

- Hey Penny, come on in.

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The Big Bang Theory | Best of Penny | HBO Max

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    Julianne Sung posted on 2021/08/19
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