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  • - I've heard some stereotypes about you guys, too.

  • You know, lived in Britain for a while.

  • I learned that when you guys go abroad on holiday

  • you guys behave like dicks.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Do you know that about yourselves?

  • I don't think it's accurate because

  • have you ever been to a Butlin's?

  • You are a dicks domestically, too.

  • It's not a geography problem here, right?

  • We all know Butlin's, right, give me a cheer?

  • (crowd cheers)

  • Holy shit.

  • (sighs) It's part of British culture I wish I never learned.

  • Had the worst gig of my life there last year.

  • You know when you walk past the Wetherspoons

  • at two in the afternoon?

  • Imagine if all those people went to a resort.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Just alcoholics in sandals...

  • You want to see third-world people in a first-world country?

  • Butlin's, that's where you go!

  • To watch a Jeremy Kyle show by the beach.

  • It's like a white-only refugee camp.

  • We got to deport those Butlin's people.

  • Send them all to Australia, again.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Yeah, nobody else out of the UK knows Butlin's!

  • You know, Max, you know Butlin's?

  • No, right?

  • It's a very British thing.

  • I'm the only one who knows.

  • There is no Italian guy out there going,

  • "Oh, Fabio, I want to try something different.

  • "Butlin's, Minehead!"

  • No, it's Britain's best kept secret

  • let's keep it that way.

  • Here's how I explain Butlin's to foreign people, alright?

  • Like, it's a seaside resort that will make you

  • pro-global warming.

  • You go in there like, "Melt the icecaps,

  • "drown those fuckers, please!"

  • "Why are we still recycling?"

  • And you even advertise for Butlin's, right?

  • Newspapers and magazines and every Butlin's ad,

  • I don't know if you've seen this but every Butlin's ad shows

  • the sun setting, a nice beach, a nice chalet.

  • Notice how they'll never ever show you the people, right?

  • Without the people, "Oh, this looks kinda nice!"

  • With the people it's a fucking horror film.

  • Best place to go to feel better about your life.

  • Let's lose your job, lose your house, lose your wife,

  • go into a Butlin's, "Huh, I'm doing okay!"

  • (crowd laughs)

  • "At least I still have most of my teeth!"

  • 40 teeth, the crowd, total.

  • When they were booing me,

  • it was just pink gums looking back at me.

  • Ugh!

  • You can afford all those tattoos,

  • but you can't afford a toothbrush!

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Is that how much you pay per night at a Butlin's

  • based on how many teeth you have left?

  • (mumbles) "Check in, please."

  • "Free for you, sir, please."

  • I was like, "No, get back your caravan you freaks."

  • Oh!

  • (laughing)

  • Trump should build a wall right around Minehead!

  • (crowd laughing)

  • Yeah, that was something I should have said to them, okay?

  • They didn't like me there.

  • (laughing)

  • It's a booking error, man.

  • They don't want to see me there.

  • They probably never talked to an Asian person before

  • without ordering anything.

  • (crowd laughing)

  • Here's how much they hated me that afternoon, man.

  • Butlin's, Minehead, adult weekend, oh boy.

  • People are probably getting fingered

  • next to a bin, you know?

  • (crowd laughing)

  • Isn't that the most romantic thing you can do at a Butlin's?

  • Get some redcoat to finger you, right?

  • (laughing)

  • I was booked to do 20 minutes at that gig,

  • I lasted eight minutes.

  • Security had to come escort me away.

  • And you know you fucked up if at a comedy gig,

  • security comes for you.

  • Yeah, two blokes are trying to climb on the stage,

  • you know, and they both had shaved heads

  • and white T-shirts on,

  • you know, the business casual version of the KKK outfit?

  • "There's no hood for me today, Steve,

  • "casual Friday's innit?"

  • (crowd laughing and clapping)

  • Yeah, I don't see that look here.

  • Thank you for dressing up.

  • I'll wager a guess,

  • you guys are pretty middle class here in Bath, right?

  • Yeah, don't tense up,

  • you guys tense up when I call you middle class.

  • You worked hard for it, you know, own it.

  • You worked hard to inherit that house.

  • You deserve all the halloumi and ski trips, okay?

  • Enjoy.

  • Don't let the liberals tell you how to feel.

  • (laughs)

  • If you like that shaved head and white T-shirt look

  • you gotta soften it up so minorities don't fear you, right?

  • Shaved head, white T-shirt.

  • Wear a Fitbit.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • No racist guy wears that.

  • What? Stab me and run away,

  • "Oh, 5000 steps, yeah!"

  • What an active lifestyle!

  • So, thanks for not being Butlin's, Minehead,

  • I appreciate it, okay?

  • (laughs)

- I've heard some stereotypes about you guys, too.

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Butlins, The WORST PART of British Culture - Nigel Ng - Standup Comedy

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    Portia posted on 2021/08/11
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