Well who's the best pet urchin in the whole world?

You are, Ouchie!

Give us a kiss.

Ouch.

Love hurts.

And now it's the Patrick Show

with your host Patrick Star!

[barking]

Oh...

[squeaking]

I...

♪ Can't do anything 'Cause I know nothing ♪

♪ Lack of experience Never stopped me ♪

♪ I got a TV show Though I'm just bluffing ♪

♪ Make believe you're watching And I know you'll agree ♪

Do, do, do, do, do. Huh?

[grimacing]

♪ The Patrick Show Is on my imagination ♪

♪ Because my head is empty I can fill it with cheese ♪

♪ Ice cream with syrup And marbles and blue birds ♪

♪ There's one thing I can't find ♪

♪ And that is my keys? ♪

We'll be right back

with Patrick Star and I'm Hungry

right after these words.

Chum, chum, chum, chum Chum!

It's versatile. You could spread it on toast.

[groaning]

It also keeps you warm on a frosty, winter night.

Mm mm cozy!

The smell keeps out the cold.

Here at the Chum Bucket,

Chum comes in three delicious varieties.

Moist, soggy, and pumpkin spice.

♪ Chum Bucket ♪

[growling]

[clinking]

Hey, what are you doing in my room?

Duh. Looking for food. I'm starving!

Food? Gah bah! You kids have it easy these days.

Back in my day, we were food!

Ooh.

What flavor?

Hush, noodle brain.

Noodles.

It was way back in the Patrilithic Period

of early cavestars.

[gurgling]

Automobiles hadn't been invented yet.

[munching]

So there was no way to get to a supermarket.

Ooh!

We had to do all our shopping in the wild.

[grunting]

Where the dinosaurs were shopping for us.

[screaming]

[groaning]

[growling]

It was just a matter of luck as to who would eat who.

[screaming]

[crunching]

[sighing]

Well I guess things can't get any worse.

[smacking]

[honking]

Oh no!

Welcome back to the show!

Now we're going to make a casserole.

[barking]

Uh, let's see, we got

socks, dirty sneakers, dried leaves,

old paperbacks, and used napkins. Hmm.

Neh. You gotta work with what you got.

Cook at 1,000 degrees for one second. It's ready.

[electrifying]

[grunting]

Ooh.

[blowing raspberries]

Time to wrap it up!

The story, characters, and names portrayed in this production

are suspicious. Especially Mike.

No person associated with the show

received anything of value. Especially me.

No one was harmed in the making of this show.

Except me. Ouch. Thanks for watching.

That was amazing! The song, the casserole!

The hula number with the cast of thousands!

Oh, hi!

I don't remember that at all.

Dinner? He he he he he he hm! Whoa!

Here we are! It's called a trasherole.

I learned it from a show I saw today.

I think.

I must have cooked mine too long. Hm.

Blown apple feet!

[crashing]

[slurping]

[smacking]

Ah! Delicious, mom

I just booked a sponge with square pants

who does a bubble act!

And the best part is, I did it on my toy telephone!

[groaning]

[laughing]

Goodnight, Squidina.

Goodnight, big brother.

Goodnight, Ouchie. Ouch.

[grunting]

[snoring]

Would you just look at him, Mother.

The little angel.

He sure is.

Uh, who is he again?

I have no idea.

[snoring]