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  • - (snorts) Okay, don't expect security deposit back

  • and there's three things broken I don't tell you about.

  • - We're keeping up our fake professional demeanor

  • that we had when we were shown the place.

  • - Okay, if you need anything I don't pick up phone.

  • - We'll only see you on Red Slate.

  • (laughs)

  • - We could be making a huge mistake but

  • I stay at your place every night anyways.

  • - Let's not fuck this up for 12 months.

  • - I never have to pack an overnight bag again.

  • - [Male] We should have hired movers!

  • (panting) Oh, my masculinity has me pretending like my arms

  • aren't on fire.

  • Oh, explaining proper technique to you

  • while doing the opposite.

  • - (sighs) Well, still terrified that I'm losing

  • 50% of my stuff and 50% of my independence.

  • - Oh, starting a really personal story about this gnome

  • and then realizing that it's a "you had to be there" story

  • and kind of just trailing off and giving up.

  • - I'm nodding my head but I'm actually ignoring you

  • trying to picture what you were like in college.

  • - Okay, picturing my parent's old furniture here,

  • but picturing them in totally different sizes

  • than they actually are.

  • - I'm putting this frame on the ground

  • because we won't get to actually hanging it for three months

  • - Yeah, I'm thinking we put this thing

  • that I got from a flea market for $4

  • right above an old Ikea rug I stole from my ex-roommate.

  • - Um, phrasing my opinion like it's a question

  • so as to not hurt your feelings?

  • - Insecurity about my design abilities.

  • Reconsidering what is and isn't my territory.

  • - I'm just excited to be finally throwing away

  • all of your junk, except for your really nice TV.

  • - Yeah, I just have an irrational, sentimental attachment

  • to a few crappy things from my childhood

  • and I'm going to take any attempt to get rid of them

  • as a personal affront.

  • - I'm saying that I'm not trying to change you,

  • but I'm just trying to change you.

  • - Oh, hey, I'm impressing you by saying

  • I'm going to paint this wall,

  • and then I'm going to put it off, and keep putting it off

  • and keep putting it off until eventually we move out

  • or we break up.

  • - Convincing you that this overpriced couch

  • is actually a steal.

  • - Yeah, pretending like $600 isn't that much money to me.

  • - I'm going to take up about 70% of the counter space

  • but call it 50/50.

  • - I'm going to be really clean for the first two months

  • and then I'll revert to my usual disgusting self.

  • - Oh yeah, I'm going to be real discrete

  • about gross body stuff for the first couple months

  • and then I'll revert back to my usual disgusting self.

  • - I never had handsoap before.

  • - Realizing that I'm going to start seeing you

  • every part of every day now.

  • - Second guessing whether I made the right decision.

  • Wondering if this will end us completely.

  • - Yeah, I'm just one of the people that kind of

  • like looks around when they're nervous

  • and thinking about things and inside their head.

  • - Changing your nervousness to excitement.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Through enticing possibilities.

  • Saying that we could get a puppy

  • even though it's irresponsible and unsafe

  • and not something I want to do at all, and ...

  • - [Together] Planning

  • - A housewarming party that won't happen for like six months

  • and then only like three of our friends will show up.

  • - Oh yeah, I'll have all my friends over for Game of Thrones

  • and we'll be way too loud while you're trying

  • to get work done.

  • - I'm gonna start farting in front of you.

  • - I just leave drawers and cabinets open constantly.

  • - You know, we're just gonna never have sex!

  • - [Together] And I'll cook and you'll do the dishes!

  • - This is just a step I've never taken with anyone before.

  • - But I'm coming home at the end of the night to one person

  • I'm glad it's you.

  • (farts)

  • And so it begins.

  • (upbeat music)

  • (laughter)

- (snorts) Okay, don't expect security deposit back

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B1 US pretending realizing disgusting putting usual personal

If Moving In Together Were Honest

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    一隻魚 posted on 2021/06/29
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