What?

Simon: Did you break it?

Mom: No

**Clanking noises**

Simon: Hi everybody I am here in Canada

I'm visiting my parents and my mom is gonna teach me how to make pierogies.

Martina: and now it's time for Martina

to teach you Polish.

Kew pierogi soupy new doo moe

Pow we did the quuuesst this Sikkim lube me meow Neko mumu

Simon: She made lots of pierogies for me when I was a young boy,

and I figured when I'm back in Canada

I want my mom to share this recipe with me so that I can make it for Martina in the future.

My father has already....

ha....

*soft laughter*

*overlapping speech* Mom: Disappeared? Simon: He's disappeared Martina: Come with me, Simon

Simon: Where did you go Dad?

Where did you go? So he's gonna do his puzzle now, he's given me all of the instructions that I need.

He doesn't want any arguments, so he says he's gonna do his puzzle.

While me and my mom learn how to make pierogies.

Simon: This is gonna be... Martina: That's a smart Dad, he's like "Have fun, Simon!'

*Laughter*

Simon: He's gonna have some red wine...

Martina: Wine and a puzzle

Simon: it's 11:00 a.m

Let's get cooking.

Martina: Martina is the camerawoman

She will be able to sit behind the camera for once and have the spoils of victory when you make me perogies from scratch! *laugh*

Simon: I have been told many things about this recipe Martina: Hey Ducky... Good luck. Simon: Good luck and don't f*** it up.

Mom: We'll start with the dough. *overlapping*Simon:We'll start with the dough

Ah! because dad told me not to put it on the board ... Mom: okay...

Mommy and Daddy are already in disagreement

Martina: You just need to flour the surface. Simon: Yeah... Martina: You need to coat it really well and flour it and then you put...

Simon: *Interrupting* Hey! you can't tell me anything about my ancient family recipe

Mom: Maybe it's not the ancient but it's Polish. The perogie and cabbage knows.. **in background**Simon: okay...

Simon: So I need two of these...

Mom: *softly* one egg...

Simon: *loudly* One egg for this much flour?!

Mom: Yeah..

*Exclamation Point Sound Effect*

What are you doing? You peeking!

Simon: *scolding* You go do your puzzle Mister!

Mom: Don't peek! Simon: Don't peek!

Mom: You're not allowed! Simon: I'm supposed to take one egg

And I'm supposed to put it in there

Simon: Oil.. Mom: Two or three...

Simon:Two spoonfuls of oil...

A little salt...

Now here

is where the discussion became heated...

Dad: What?!

You can't beat it properly!

Simon: But you can't do it with a fork?!

Dad: No!

Because it's different. You will not do it properly with a fork

It will stick to the fork.

Simon: But that's how people make...their dough...

They have to do it with a fork..

Dad: No!

Simon: I will *giggle*

Dad: This is not proper way!

Simon: OKAY I WILL DO IT THE PROPER WAY!

Simon: From when I made pasta in Italy, I just used a fork and Dad's like no fork.

You must use knife

So I have to take knife and I have to flip it over instead of whisking it

Simon: Because from what I was told you're supposed to like work the dough.

Martina: You know what Simon... That was an Italian woman

Were they Polish?

Simon:You know what? I'm gonna breaking my father's recipe

Martina and Simon overlapping*

Martina: Were they Polish? No! Simon you can't!

Simon: I'm sorry dad! I can't do it your way with the knife!

Here we go...

Mom: You have to mix and and after mixing the egg, oil, and flour you have to

add...hot...water...

Martina: Okay

Simon: Are you sure you don't need more than one egg?

I think I need more than one egg...

Mom: No! It'll come...

Bringing it may be you should just switch to your knife Simon maybe if you used a knife...

This is why I should have used my father's knife! Martina: Should have used the father's knife...

How is this? Martina: Alright...

at all?

Dad: Now we'll add a little bit of water...

little bit of water...

Simon: This warm?

Dad: uh huh...

Simon: ah...Dad: so be careful...

Dad: Add in water slowly...

What am I doing?

Martina: So Mrs. Stawski, on a scale of one to five...

Five being SUPER good, and one being okay, where is Simon right now?

Mom: You know, he's my son...

Martina: Pick a num- Mom: *giggle*

*overlapping* Simon: SUPER GOOD! Martina: Pick a number!

M: Pick a number, Mrs. Stawski,

M: One to five... Mom: One Hundred!

Martina: You failed Simon... *Mom muttering in the background adorably*

Martina: You know what, the judges are rigged...

Martina: Okay, I'm still filming I swear

S: You ready for the... M: Yeah, totally watching you...

M: Oh... **busted** This is for the.. *mumbles*

M: I hope you're taking recipe notes because you have to write a recipe out on the website

S: I gotta write sh*t afterwards? Nah. This is it...

M: Simon's going to go online and find a...

*overlapping* M: a recipe that's similar Simon: If you are coming to this video

In hopes of learning something... so you can apply this to yourself afterwards...

Let me tell you you've come to the wrong video

This is all about...

me connecting...with MY FAMILY *grunting*

Martina: Okay so you do not have enough liquid in there

More liquid...

*in the background* Mom: No not yet, no no...

Simon: More liquid? or no more liquid?

Mom: *softly* no, no... work on this...

Simon: work on this... Martina: alright, keep going Ducky

Simon: Alright. Listen to my mom not my WIFE.

Martina: Go for it... Simon: That's a recipe for...

DISASTER..

Simon: This part of the video isn't fun anymore.

Mom: No, this is when everybody complain...

it...it requires...physical work.

But because you are each day

fitness club you have enough energy and power to make

go to

dough...

Simon: Thanks Mom...:-)

Simon: Ready? Mom: Yeah...

Mom: You know how you can check just push the finger. S: Yeah...

Mom: if it will stay it is okay

Mom: Good.. Simon: It is okay? Mom: It is okay...

Simon: We like our dough really tough

here in the Stawski family...

*Martina as Cheesecake*: I wonder if I can like... Mom: *softly* and it will be really, really delicious

Mom: ehh, ahh, yeah and...

*Cheesecake*: find someone to pet me at this point

*Mom continues giving instructions* Cheesecake*: Feels like no one wants to pet me. I'm just alone...

*Cheesecake*: While everyone ignores me...

*Just talking about stuff, here I am*

Simon: MEOW! C:Meow S: My Cheesecake!

C: Please pet me...

*Exclamation point sound effect*

S: My dad is so happy with this, he just, that look of disgust that he has...

M: Come take a look! Come take a look! See if you can help him out please...

S: Alright Dad, what's next? Is this enough?

D:Yeah looks so good for me S:looks okay for you, put on the plate

Cheesecake: Yeah, everyone's in the kitchen but no one will pay attention to me.

Martina: Okay, explain that Simon...

S: So this, right here is Kapusta

You might also know this as sauerkraut. This is just vinegared cabbage, and it's very big in Polish cooking

Martina: It's basically Kimchi without the spices

S: Yeah, you can say that, but it's a lot more tart than sour. So we bought this at the Polish store yesterday

S: Here? D: Yeah

S: More? D: More, more more..

S: Damn, how many perogies do you want me to make?

S: My mom is being a bit too much of a hype-man for me. I'm just making perogies on camera, Mom...

Martina: Excited to make perogies from scratch?

Simon: Yeah, but now I'm a little bit embarrassed

**Voice Over Simon**So my mom went on and on to the owners of the shop that I'm gonna advertise them without even

Asking me but if I don't do this and I'm gonna get a FaceTime call from her and I'm gonna be scolded

So it here goes...

**Cue TV salesman Simon** Come on down! to Gina's European delicatessen

they got sausages kielbasa and some very good cold cuts

AAAND

Most of all, they have sauerkraut!

for those three of you living in a Durham Region now that watch my videos

Go on over there! You're gonna love it! (the sarcasm is thick with this one)

There you go. Mom...

**Martina as fast talking voice over** Located at 145 Kingston Rd. E Unit...

**Please read below**

S: My Mom's

M: Captain's log, I....

Not part of this party. I am just the camera woman today

Um...For once remember me behind camera.

I might be having fun by myself. The camera work goes askew. You'll know why

**End of flashback**

S: Wash our sauerkraut take out all the sour. We want kraut, not sauerkraut...

S: Cold water, here we go

S: You said two times. Is this one time? D: Yeah, okay, it's enough

D: Yeah... S: I have washed the sauerkraut! on its own right now the sauerkraut

Is very tough and vinegary

Not enjoyable

S; You putting in ketchup? D: No, no no no ketchup... just plain water and sauerkraut

S: When I was a kid, he would put in ketchup...

*Dad laughs*

S: Just **raspberry**

D: Not on everything! S: In the Kapusta, it was all ketchup

Martina: But you're not making Kapusta, right? S:This is Kapusta...

M: Oh, are you making Kapusta? S:This is sour kraut

**Mom explaining softly** S:Sauerkraut is Kapusta

M: oahhh **Dad joins in**

S: So I asked my parents a question... This is a weird thing about my Dad...

Why

Is there a bag of onions?

Beside your chair at the dinner table? Please, explain...

Dad: I LOVE onion

Mom: Because onion and your father, is like a marriage...

and...*laugh* He doesn't want to separate...

S: Thank you Mom

S: but then afterwards we want to boiling it for a lot to try to get rid of some of the

Sourness that comes to this because we don't really want a tart pierogi. So it's not as sour as it was before

This is definitely a lot more

Martina: Which is in a pickle or coleslaw?

S: Yeah, this tastes more like a coleslaw now

All right. So we take this and I do what? chop it?

Dad: Chopchopchop

S&M:Chopchopchopchopchop...

S: In Polish, how do you say chopchopchop? Mom: Shikashi

Chicka Chicka Chicka Chicka Chicka Chickash

S: The reason why I say is this because, my dad, always whenever we were driving

He would get angry at someone and...

S: Why did that guy do that?

Dad: Because he's stupid...

S: Why didn't you chop them Dad?! CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP!

S: this small knife is for chopping? All right. Here I go...

M: I don't know if that works, but...

S: This is a bread knife Mother...

next I am chopping onion. Yes?

Dad: Yes sir!

Simon: You see how long I've been working on this perogie?

Mom: She..she..she always looking...

*Overlapping* Simon: I don't understand why there is one onion that's old, and one that's warm?

**Mom softly explaining**

Simon: No mother onions don't have any personalities,

My father wants me to put jerk seasoning and tandoori seasoning

in POLISH pierogies. Dad: Okay.... Simon:You...

What's a Polish flavor? Dad:I don't know. I

Usually like no chicken because early this is good in Portage. gonna get the paper

Mom: In Polish flavor we need paper (pepper) and salt.

Simon: We need some paper...where are we gonna get the paper at?

**giggle**

S: Newspaper and salt!

Martina: This is fun! I gotta be honest...