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  • Simon: Mom...

  • What?

  • Simon: Did you break it?

  • Mom: No

  • **Clanking noises**

  • Simon: Hi everybody I am here in Canada

  • I'm visiting my parents and my mom is gonna teach me how to make pierogies.

  • Martina: and now it's time for Martina

  • to teach you Polish.

  • Kew pierogi soupy new doo moe

  • Pow we did the quuuesst this Sikkim lube me meow Neko mumu

  • Simon: She made lots of pierogies for me when I was a young boy,

  • and I figured when I'm back in Canada

  • I want my mom to share this recipe with me so that I can make it for Martina in the future.

  • My father has already....

  • ha....

  • *soft laughter*

  • *overlapping speech* Mom: Disappeared? Simon: He's disappeared Martina: Come with me, Simon

  • Simon: Where did you go Dad?

  • Where did you go? So he's gonna do his puzzle now, he's given me all of the instructions that I need.

  • He doesn't want any arguments, so he says he's gonna do his puzzle.

  • While me and my mom learn how to make pierogies.

  • Simon: This is gonna be... Martina: That's a smart Dad, he's like "Have fun, Simon!'

  • *Laughter*

  • Simon: He's gonna have some red wine...

  • Martina: Wine and a puzzle

  • Simon: it's 11:00 a.m

  • Let's get cooking.

  • Martina: Martina is the camerawoman

  • She will be able to sit behind the camera for once and have the spoils of victory when you make me perogies from scratch! *laugh*

  • Simon: I have been told many things about this recipe Martina: Hey Ducky... Good luck. Simon: Good luck and don't f*** it up.

  • Mom: We'll start with the dough. *overlapping*Simon:We'll start with the dough

  • Ah! because dad told me not to put it on the board ... Mom: okay...

  • Mommy and Daddy are already in disagreement

  • Martina: You just need to flour the surface. Simon: Yeah... Martina: You need to coat it really well and flour it and then you put...

  • Simon: *Interrupting* Hey! you can't tell me anything about my ancient family recipe

  • Mom: Maybe it's not the ancient but it's Polish. The perogie and cabbage knows.. **in background**Simon: okay...

  • Simon: So I need two of these...

  • Mom: *softly* one egg...

  • Simon: *loudly* One egg for this much flour?!

  • Mom: Yeah..

  • *Exclamation Point Sound Effect*

  • What are you doing? You peeking!

  • Simon: *scolding* You go do your puzzle Mister!

  • Mom: Don't peek! Simon: Don't peek!

  • Mom: You're not allowed! Simon: I'm supposed to take one egg

  • And I'm supposed to put it in there

  • Simon: Oil.. Mom: Two or three...

  • Simon:Two spoonfuls of oil...

  • A little salt...

  • Now here

  • is where the discussion became heated...

  • Dad: What?!

  • You can't beat it properly!

  • Simon: But you can't do it with a fork?!

  • Dad: No!

  • Because it's different. You will not do it properly with a fork

  • It will stick to the fork.

  • Simon: But that's how people make...their dough...

  • They have to do it with a fork..

  • Dad: No!

  • Simon: I will *giggle*

  • Dad: This is not proper way!

  • Simon: OKAY I WILL DO IT THE PROPER WAY!

  • Simon: From when I made pasta in Italy, I just used a fork and Dad's like no fork.

  • You must use knife

  • So I have to take knife and I have to flip it over instead of whisking it

  • Simon: Because from what I was told you're supposed to like work the dough.

  • Martina: You know what Simon... That was an Italian woman

  • Were they Polish?

  • Simon:You know what? I'm gonna breaking my father's recipe

  • Martina and Simon overlapping*

  • Martina: Were they Polish? No! Simon you can't!

  • Simon: I'm sorry dad! I can't do it your way with the knife!

  • Here we go...

  • Mom: You have to mix and and after mixing the egg, oil, and flour you have to

  • add...hot...water...

  • Martina: Okay

  • Simon: Are you sure you don't need more than one egg?

  • I think I need more than one egg...

  • Mom: No! It'll come...

  • Bringing it may be you should just switch to your knife Simon maybe if you used a knife...

  • This is why I should have used my father's knife! Martina: Should have used the father's knife...

  • How is this? Martina: Alright...

  • at all?

  • Dad: Now we'll add a little bit of water...

  • little bit of water...

  • Simon: This warm?

  • Dad: uh huh...

  • Simon: ah...Dad: so be careful...

  • Dad: Add in water slowly...

  • What am I doing?

  • Martina: So Mrs. Stawski, on a scale of one to five...

  • Five being SUPER good, and one being okay, where is Simon right now?

  • Mom: You know, he's my son...

  • Martina: Pick a num- Mom: *giggle*

  • *overlapping* Simon: SUPER GOOD! Martina: Pick a number!

  • M: Pick a number, Mrs. Stawski,

  • M: One to five... Mom: One Hundred!

  • Martina: You failed Simon... *Mom muttering in the background adorably*

  • Martina: You know what, the judges are rigged...

  • Martina: Okay, I'm still filming I swear

  • S: You ready for the... M: Yeah, totally watching you...

  • M: Oh... **busted** This is for the.. *mumbles*

  • M: I hope you're taking recipe notes because you have to write a recipe out on the website

  • S: I gotta write sh*t afterwards? Nah. This is it...

  • M: Simon's going to go online and find a...

  • *overlapping* M: a recipe that's similar Simon: If you are coming to this video

  • In hopes of learning something... so you can apply this to yourself afterwards...

  • Let me tell you you've come to the wrong video

  • This is all about...

  • me connecting...with MY FAMILY *grunting*

  • Martina: Okay so you do not have enough liquid in there

  • More liquid...

  • *in the background* Mom: No not yet, no no...

  • Simon: More liquid? or no more liquid?

  • Mom: *softly* no, no... work on this...

  • Simon: work on this... Martina: alright, keep going Ducky

  • Simon: Alright. Listen to my mom not my WIFE.

  • Martina: Go for it... Simon: That's a recipe for...

  • DISASTER..

  • Simon: This part of the video isn't fun anymore.

  • Mom: No, this is when everybody complain...

  • it...it requires...physical work.

  • But because you are each day

  • fitness club you have enough energy and power to make

  • go to

  • dough...

  • Simon: Thanks Mom...:-)

  • Simon: Ready? Mom: Yeah...

  • Mom: You know how you can check just push the finger. S: Yeah...

  • Mom: if it will stay it is okay

  • Mom: Good.. Simon: It is okay? Mom: It is okay...

  • Simon: We like our dough really tough

  • here in the Stawski family...

  • *Martina as Cheesecake*: I wonder if I can like... Mom: *softly* and it will be really, really delicious

  • Mom: ehh, ahh, yeah and...

  • *Cheesecake*: find someone to pet me at this point

  • *Mom continues giving instructions* Cheesecake*: Feels like no one wants to pet me. I'm just alone...

  • *Cheesecake*: While everyone ignores me...

  • *Just talking about stuff, here I am*

  • Simon: MEOW! C:Meow S: My Cheesecake!

  • C: Please pet me...

  • *Exclamation point sound effect*

  • S: My dad is so happy with this, he just, that look of disgust that he has...

  • M: Come take a look! Come take a look! See if you can help him out please...

  • S: Alright Dad, what's next? Is this enough?

  • D:Yeah looks so good for me S:looks okay for you, put on the plate

  • Cheesecake: Yeah, everyone's in the kitchen but no one will pay attention to me.

  • Martina: Okay, explain that Simon...

  • S: So this, right here is Kapusta

  • You might also know this as sauerkraut. This is just vinegared cabbage, and it's very big in Polish cooking

  • Martina: It's basically Kimchi without the spices

  • S: Yeah, you can say that, but it's a lot more tart than sour. So we bought this at the Polish store yesterday

  • S: Here? D: Yeah

  • S: More? D: More, more more..

  • S: Damn, how many perogies do you want me to make?

  • S: My mom is being a bit too much of a hype-man for me. I'm just making perogies on camera, Mom...

  • Martina: Excited to make perogies from scratch?

  • Simon: Yeah, but now I'm a little bit embarrassed

  • **Voice Over Simon**So my mom went on and on to the owners of the shop that I'm gonna advertise them without even

  • Asking me but if I don't do this and I'm gonna get a FaceTime call from her and I'm gonna be scolded

  • So it here goes...

  • **Cue TV salesman Simon** Come on down! to Gina's European delicatessen

  • they got sausages kielbasa and some very good cold cuts

  • AAAND

  • Most of all, they have sauerkraut!

  • for those three of you living in a Durham Region now that watch my videos

  • Go on over there! You're gonna love it! (the sarcasm is thick with this one)

  • There you go. Mom...

  • **Martina as fast talking voice over** Located at 145 Kingston Rd. E Unit...

  • **Please read below**

  • S: My Mom's

  • M: Captain's log, I....

  • Not part of this party. I am just the camera woman today

  • Um...For once remember me behind camera.

  • I might be having fun by myself. The camera work goes askew. You'll know why

  • **End of flashback**

  • S: Wash our sauerkraut take out all the sour. We want kraut, not sauerkraut...

  • S: Cold water, here we go

  • S: You said two times. Is this one time? D: Yeah, okay, it's enough

  • D: Yeah... S: I have washed the sauerkraut! on its own right now the sauerkraut

  • Is very tough and vinegary

  • Not enjoyable

  • S; You putting in ketchup? D: No, no no no ketchup... just plain water and sauerkraut

  • S: When I was a kid, he would put in ketchup...

  • *Dad laughs*

  • S: Just **raspberry**

  • D: Not on everything! S: In the Kapusta, it was all ketchup

  • Martina: But you're not making Kapusta, right? S:This is Kapusta...

  • M: Oh, are you making Kapusta? S:This is sour kraut

  • **Mom explaining softly** S:Sauerkraut is Kapusta

  • M: oahhh **Dad joins in**

  • S: So I asked my parents a question... This is a weird thing about my Dad...

  • Why

  • Is there a bag of onions?

  • Beside your chair at the dinner table? Please, explain...

  • Dad: I LOVE onion

  • Mom: Because onion and your father, is like a marriage...

  • and...*laugh* He doesn't want to separate...

  • S: Thank you Mom

  • S: but then afterwards we want to boiling it for a lot to try to get rid of some of the

  • Sourness that comes to this because we don't really want a tart pierogi. So it's not as sour as it was before

  • This is definitely a lot more

  • Martina: Which is in a pickle or coleslaw?

  • S: Yeah, this tastes more like a coleslaw now

  • All right. So we take this and I do what? chop it?

  • Dad: Chopchopchop

  • S&M:Chopchopchopchopchop...

  • S: In Polish, how do you say chopchopchop? Mom: Shikashi

  • Chicka Chicka Chicka Chicka Chicka Chickash

  • S: The reason why I say is this because, my dad, always whenever we were driving

  • He would get angry at someone and...

  • S: Why did that guy do that?

  • Dad: Because he's stupid...

  • S: Why didn't you chop them Dad?! CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP!

  • S: this small knife is for chopping? All right. Here I go...

  • M: I don't know if that works, but...

  • S: This is a bread knife Mother...

  • next I am chopping onion. Yes?

  • Dad: Yes sir!

  • Simon: You see how long I've been working on this perogie?

  • Mom: She..she..she always looking...

  • *Overlapping* Simon: I don't understand why there is one onion that's old, and one that's warm?

  • **Mom softly explaining**

  • Simon: No mother onions don't have any personalities,

  • My father wants me to put jerk seasoning and tandoori seasoning

  • in POLISH pierogies. Dad: Okay.... Simon:You...

  • What's a Polish flavor? Dad:I don't know. I

  • Usually like no chicken because early this is good in Portage. gonna get the paper

  • Mom: In Polish flavor we need paper (pepper) and salt.

  • Simon: We need some paper...where are we gonna get the paper at?

  • **giggle**

  • S: Newspaper and salt!

  • Martina: This is fun! I gotta be honest...

  • **Simon keeps speaking...** Martina: I need more wine...

  • **Simon singing** S: Me and my Mommy, cooking together...

  • S: Did you and I ever cook in the kitchen before?

  • Mom: No... S: This is the first time ever!

  • Mom: I have a question for you Martina...

  • Martina: Yes?

  • Mom: Most of the cooking? Common, you are doing?

  • Martina: Oh, we're pretty even I'd say very even... Mom: Really?

  • Mom: This is really impressive...

  • Martina: Yeah if we're having a dinner together, like a healthy dinner

  • Martina: Like let's say pork chop,

  • Simon: A lot of you didn't know this...

  • Mom: Absolutely, absolutely...

  • Martina: We'll split the jobs, Simon will go like 'Okay, I'll tenderize the pork chops

  • Mom: Cooperation!

  • **Martina gasps** Thank you very much!

  • **sexy music**