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  • AND THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD BE... CAREFUL!

  • I'M SHOT.

  • AND I'M SCOTT.

  • AND I'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY.

  • DON'T YOU MEAN "WE'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY"?

  • Man: CUT.

  • I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, SHOTTY.

  • IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY.

  • HEY, SCOTT. PRODUCER SENT US DOWN TO DEACTIVATE SHOTBOT.

  • JUST A MINUTE, DAMN YOU!

  • I DON'T UNDERSTAND. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

  • DON'T YOU READ THE USER COMMENTS?

  • THE AUDIENCE THINKS YOU'RE WEIRD. THEY HATE YOU.

  • SCOTT, YOU DON'T HATE ME, DO YOU?

  • Security Guard: COME ON, TIME'S UP.

  • CAN WE GET THIS OVER WITH, HUH?

  • WELL, SCOTT, IT WAS FUN WORKING WITH YOU.

  • ( stuttering ) VGHS...

  • ...WINS!

  • SCOTT, I LOVE YOU.

  • WE'LL SEE YOU...

  • ...ON MONDAY.

  • BUNCH O' BRUNCH CRUNCH. BUNCH O' BUNCH CRUNCH.

  • ( distorted voice )

  • AAH!

  • GO, SHOTTY, RUN LIKE THE WIND!

  • BUT WHERE DO I GO? WHAT DO I DO?

  • FIND A SCOOP SO HOT, THOSE DOPES UPSTAIRS WILL BE FORCED TO KEEP YOU!

  • BY GUM, I'LL DO IT!

  • GOODBYE, SCOTT!

  • REMEMBER, MAKE IT A HEARTWARMER,

  • A TEARJERKER,

  • A HUMAN STORY, YOU BEAUTIFUL BOT!

  • A HUMAN STORY!

  • YOU'RE NOT WEARING GREEN!

  • MERRY LEETMAS, LOSER!

  • WHAT THE--?

  • GAMES? GAMES, GET BACK HERE AND CLEAN THIS UP!

  • "WELL, SCREW YOU, CALHOUN,"

  • THE STUDENTS DID SAY,

  • "WE'LL JUST COME UP WITH OUR OWN HOLIDAY,

  • WITH THE BEST PARTS OF CHRISTMAS,

  • EARTH DAY, HALLOWEEN,

  • CINCO DE MAYO AND ALL IN BETWEEN..."

  • - NOT ON MY DAY OFF. - "WE'LL CAROL TILL SUNDOWN..."

  • NOPE.

  • "...AND WITH A JUG OF SWEET NOOB NOG, LEETMAS WAS BORN."

  • AND THAT'S THE STORY OF LEETMAS...!

  • TED! JUST THE GUY I WANTED TO SEE.

  • MERRY LEETMAS, BUDDY.

  • WHOA, THANKS. IT'S A...

  • IT'S A FRIENDSHIP BADGE. ( chuckles )

  • YEAH, THEY LIGHT UP WHEN THEY GET CLOSE, SEE?

  • UM, AWESOME! DUDE!

  • OH, I ACCIDENTALLY ATE YOUR PRESENT.

  • OH, BUT I'VE GOT AN IDEA!

  • YOU ARE INVITED TO MY SUPER SWEET EGG RACE!

  • OH, THANKS, MAN, BUT I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY BUSY

  • GETTING READY FOR DINNER.

  • IT'S MY PRESENT. YOU HAVE TO COME.

  • WELL, I--

  • COME ON. YOU'RE ALWAYS SO BUSY WITH FPS STUFF,

  • WE NEVER GET TO HANG ANYMORE.

  • PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

  • ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

  • WHAT TIME-- WHAT TIME IS THE RACE?

  • - THREE. - DUDE, DINNER'S AT THREE.

  • YEAH, I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR THAT.

  • OH! YOU'RE STILL MAKING 'TATER SALAD, THOUGH, RIGHT?

  • YES.

  • UM... ALL RIGHT, YEAH.

  • I GUESS WE CAN PUSH TO 3:30.

  • - WHAT'S AT 3:30? - DINNER. BRIAN'S COMING TO MY RACE!

  • WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ABOUT MY PIE?

  • THIS IS PI DAY PIE. IF WE DON'T EAT IT AT 3:14, IT'S RUINED.

  • BRING IT TO THE RACE.

  • IT'LL BE VICTORY PIE!

  • NO, IT'S PI DAY PIE.

  • THREE-POINT-ONE-FOUR.

  • UM... YOU KNOW WHAT? YEAH, SURE.

  • WHY DON'T WE GO AHEAD AND EAT DESSERT BEFORE DINNER?

  • YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE, UH...

  • WELL, IT'S PROBABLY OPPOSITE DAY ANYWAY, RIGHT?

  • IT ISN'T!

  • THANKS FOR NOT REMINDING ME!

  • UM, YEAH. SO, I'VE GOT GO TO PUT THIS BIRD IN THE OVEN,

  • BUT, UH, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AT THE RACE.

  • NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!

  • THANKS FOR NOTHING. YOU'RE TERRIBLE!

  • OH, I GOT ONE! HELLO, BRIAN, I LOVE YOU!

  • - YOU JUST COMPLIMENTED HIM. - I KNOW.

  • OH, WAIT. I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.

  • I MEAN, YES, BRIAN, I HATE YOU!

  • I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I MEAN, I DIDN'T--!

  • BRIAN, DON'T GO AWAY!

  • I MEAN DON'T COME BACK! BRIAN!

  • HELP ME, KI.

  • I WON'T.

  • CARY, STOP PLAYING BABY'S FIRST EXTORTION.

  • NAME A REAL PRICE.

  • THREE HUNDRED? YOU SAID 200 TEN SECONDS AGO!

  • CARY, BABY, WHY YOU GOTTA PLAY YOUR FOURTH COUSIN LIKE THAT?

  • YES, I KNOW THAT THE EVIDENCE WOULD EXONERATE THE LAW.

  • I'M THE ONE ON VIDEO FRAMING HIM!

  • YEAH, I KNOW, I WAS SLOPPY. FINE.

  • TWO-FIFTY.

  • JUST BRING THE DRIVER TO THE USUAL PLACE,

  • I'LL HAND YOU A SACK OF KOOL-EZE.

  • OH, YEAH, NO PROBLEM. HE'S RIGHT HERE. LET ME TALK TO HIM.

  • - HELLO. - GOD!

  • OHH! AAH! NO! NO!

  • AAAH!

  • MY, MY, MY.

  • LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S GETTING A LUMP OF COAL

  • IN THEIR LEETMAS TURKEY THIS YEAR.

  • OKAY, GUYS. HERE'S HOW THIS IS GONNA SHAKE OUT.

  • GIGGLES, YOU'RE UP FIRST.

  • I'M GONNA WRAP MY POWERFUL THIGHS

  • AROUND YOUR NECK AND SQUEEZE.

  • WON'T BE GIGGLING THEN, WILL YOU?

  • I DON'T GIGGLE.

  • - I DON'T GIGGLE, RIGHT? - NO. GUYS, JUST BEAT HIM UP.

  • NO, NO, NO! UNCLE!

  • ALOHA, HUMAN STUDENTS!

  • I AM A FEMALE TEEN FROM VGHS.

  • IS THERE A HUMAN STORY HERE?

  • IT'S A GIRL! SHE'S GONNA TELL THE OTHER GIRLS!

  • OH, WE'RE NOT GONNA GET ANY KISSES? RUN!

  • UM...

  • THIS... THIS ISN'T OVER.

  • GREETINGS! DO YOU REQUIRE ASSISTANCE?

  • LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU STUPID...

  • GIRL.

  • I DON'T NEED ANYTHING FROM ANYBODY.

  • I'M THE LAW.

  • I'M PRETTIER THAN EVEN YOU!

  • BRIAN, HOLD UP!

  • ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED-- 20 APPLES BOBBED.

  • HA HA HA! YEAH, IN YOUR FACE, DUCHESS!

  • ( angry growl )

  • HOW'S THE ACHIEVEMENT HUNT GOING?

  • TERRIBLE. DUCHESS IS CREAMING ME,

  • AND I LOST MY DANCE PARTNER.

  • APPARENTLY I'M TOO INTENSE.

  • SPEAKING OF WHICH...

  • JENNY, NO, NO, NO!

  • - I GOTTA GET THIS BIRD IN THE OVEN. - BRIAN!

  • WHAT TIME'S THE DANCE?

  • TWO O'CLOCK. WEAR BLACK AND SATIN SPATS.

  • AND FIX YOUR HAIR.

  • PICK UP THE PHONE MUCH?

  • JEEZ!

  • LOOK, CALHOUN, IT'S MY DAY OFF, ALL RIGHT?

  • SPARE ME YOUR SOB STORY.

  • I'VE GOT YOUR LEETMAS BONUS.

  • I GET A BONUS?

  • MM-HMM.

  • YEAH. BONUS HOURS.

  • THAT YOU WORK NOW. MANDATORY.

  • SO GET YOUR ASS TO THE NOOB NOG BOOTH.

  • YOU KNOW, CALHOUN, I'VE BEEN READING UP ON SOME CHILD LABOR LAWS,

  • AND I DON'T THINK THAT--

  • DO I SMELL AN UNAUTHORIZED TURKEY

  • BEING COOKED ON SCHOOL GROUNDS?

  • GRINCH.

  • FREELOADER.

  • YOU'RE A GIRL.

  • YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE.

  • THAT'S TOO BAD! I LIKE BEING HERE, WITH YOU!

  • GOLLY, YOU'RE SHAKING.

  • ALLOW ME.

  • - ( whirring ) - WHOA.

  • HEAT FUNCTIONALITY.

  • KILLER SHOTBOT COSTUME.

  • ARE YOU GONNA ENTER THIS IN THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST OR...?

  • ( cheerfully ) NO!

  • TELL ME ABOUT WHAT WENT DOWN IN THAT ALLEYWAY.

  • OH, IT'S QUITE A STORY ALL RIGHT.

  • IT'S THE STORY OF AN FPS WUNDERKIND,

  • FRAMED FOR A CRIME HE DIDN'T COMMIT

  • BY A SNIVELING RTS CARPETBAGGER.

  • IT'S THE STORY OF A SCHOOL THAT TURNED THEIR BACKS ON ME

  • WHEN THE CHIPS WERE DOWN.

  • AND ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON THAT EVIDENCE,

  • IT'S GONNA BE THE STORY OF MY REDEMPTION.

  • REDEMPTION, EH?

  • THAT SOUNDS LIKE A STORY THE REAL SHOTBOT

  • WOULD BE INTERESTED IN!

  • NEED A PARTNER?

  • PARTNER?

  • FAT CHANCE, DOLL FACE. THE LAW RIDES ALONE.

  • I SEE. THAT SOUNDS VERY LONELY.

  • WHY DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME, ANYWAY?

  • BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE LOOKING FOR A SECOND CHANCE.

  • NAME'S LAW.

  • BARBARA. REBECCA BARBARA.

  • WELL, REBECCA BARBARA,

  • LET'S GO CLEAR MY NAME,

  • PUT SHANE BEHIND BEHIND BARS,

  • MAYBE... MAKE OUT AND TOUCH A BUNCH AFTERWARDS.

  • WHO KNOWS? LET'S SEE WHERE THE WIND BLOWS.

  • THE WIND IS CURRENTLY BLOWING SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST

  • AT A SPEED OF 1.2 KNOTS.

  • YEAH, RIGHT.

  • AMAZING. LET'S GO.

  • ( powerful concussion )

  • AAAHHH!

  • STRONG GIRL!

  • AND WE'RE BACK!

  • RESIDENT HEARTTHROB GAMES DEAN

  • HERE LIVE AT THE NOOB NOG BOOTH.

  • HEY, GET BACK TO WORK, BRIAN.

  • OH.

  • AH, SORRY, GUYS.

  • EXTRA WHIP ON ME! ALL RIGHT! YEAH! WHOO!

  • UM, HEY, GAMES, I GOTTA PEE. CAN YOU COVER ME?

  • UH, YEAH, YOU GOT FIVE MINUTES TILL COMMERCIAL BREAK.

  • AWESOME, MAN, THANKS.

  • I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I PROMISE.

  • YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MINDS IF YOU THINK I WOULD SKIP THAT.

  • ACCORDING TO THOSE NERDS I JUST PUMPED FOR INFO,

  • SHANE WILL BE MEETING HIS COUSIN AT ABOUT 4:00.

  • WHAT YOU GOT?

  • WELL, ACCORDING TO THIS INTERVIEW,

  • SHANE ENJOYS CHILLAXING WITH A CUCUMBER SCRUB

  • BY HIS USUAL PLACE, THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS.

  • PERHAPS THIS IS THE USUAL PLACE HE SPOKE OF ON THE PHONE.

  • GREAT WORK, BABE. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE PLAN.

  • I'M GON' BLAST 400 REPS ON THIS THING,

  • AND THEN I'M GONNA GO MEET SHANE AND SQUEEZE HIM UP.

  • THAT WILL NOT WORK. YOU ARE FLABBY AND SAD.

  • SHANE WILL BEAT YOU UP.

  • FLABBY AND SAD?

  • I'LL SHOW YOU.

  • ( chuckling )

  • ( audibly struggling )

  • AAH! YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • I KNEW HAVING A PARTNER WAS A BAD IDEA.

  • JUST GET LOST.

  • SHANE HAS BIG MUSCLES AND A BLACK BELT,

  • BUT HIS COUSIN CARY HAS AN I.T. DEGREE AND CANKLES.

  • THE LAW I KNOW PLAYS IT SMART

  • AND BEATS UP ON THE LITTLE GUY.

  • DAMN. YOU DO GET ME.

  • HEY, BECKS,

  • ABOUT THAT WHOLE "GET LOST" THING,

  • IT'S WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE, RIGHT?

  • WATER IS COMPOSED OF HYDROGEN AND OXYGEN.

  • GOD, YOU'RE SO SMART.

  • LET'S GO!

  • ( song ends )

  • WOW. THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.

  • I KNOW, RIGHT? HEY, CAN YOU BRING CIDER TONIGHT?

  • - YEAH. - OKAY.

  • ( both laughing )

  • YEAH! MORE THINGS IN YOUR FACE, DUCHESS!

  • OH, CRAP! DEAN'S GONNA KILL ME!

  • AH, GAMES, I'M SORRY.

  • YEAH, THANKS FOR LUNCH, BRIAN.

  • I GOT AN EGG RACE TO COVER.

  • UM...

  • BRIAN, WHERE HAVE YOU STAYED?

  • THE RACE IS NOT GONNA START ANY YEAR NOW!

  • I'M KINDA SCREWED HERE, KI.

  • CAN YOU JUST TELL TED I'M SORRY?

  • TED'S GONNA BE SO HAPPY.

  • I DON'T HAVE AN IDEA. I WON'T BE RIGHT BACK.

  • WHAT?

  • UM, ALL RIGHT, EXTRA, EXTRA WHIP ON ME, OKAY?

  • OH, EASY.

  • YEAH, WELL, THEY WERE OUT OF DECAF,

  • SO I GOT YOU SOME GREEN TEA.

  • HAS THE PERP SHOWN UP YET?

  • NO!

  • WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU AND ME ARE IN FOR A STAKEOUT, BECKY BABS.

  • SO, LAW, ONCE YOU'VE OBTAINED YOUR FREEDOM,

  • WHAT'S YOUR NEXT MOVE?

  • WELL, ONCE THAT HAPPENS, I'LL...

  • PROBABLY BECOME RICH AND FAMOUS AGAIN.

  • SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHEN THAT HAPPENS,

  • DON'T EXPECT ME TO, LIKE, CARE ABOUT YOU

  • OR BUY YOU CRAP.

  • I DON'T NEED CRAP.

  • I JUST WANT TO HELP!

  • FOR REAL?

  • GIRL, YOU ARE WEIRD.

  • I DIG WEIRD.

  • MY OTHER SCHOOL SAID I WAS SO WEIRD

  • THAT OUR RATINGS PLUNGED

  • AND THEY WERE GOING TO DEACTIVATE ME.

  • THAT'S SO STUPID.

  • YOUR SCHOOL SOUNDS LIKE MY DAD,

  • AND I HATE YOUR SCHOOL.

  • YOUR SCHOOL DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

  • YOUR SCHOOL SHOULD HAVE LEFT MOM A LONG TIME AGO!

  • YOU'RE AMAZING, REBECCA.

  • NO ONE'S EVER LEFT ME THAT COMMENT BEFORE.

  • EXCUSE ME, MY EYES ARE MALFUNCTIONING.

  • YEAH, UH...

  • I GOT SOMETHING IN MINE TOO--

  • DUST OR SOMETHING.

  • LOOK!

  • THERE HE IS.

  • IT'S CARY. LET'S GO!

  • GO, GO, GO!

  • HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT STATION THE EGG RACE IS ON?

  • Ki: BRIAN!

  • I STOLE THE FINISH LINE. NOW YOU CAN SEE TED WIN.

  • PLEASE TELL ME IT'S STILL OPPOSITE DAY.

  • OH, NO, IT'S ALMOST 3:15. HE'S NEVER GONNA MAKE IT.

  • HAPPY PI DAY, BRIAN.

  • TED, EAT THIS IN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS.

  • YOU GOT IT, KIWI.

  • THIS IS REALLY GOOD, KI!

  • AAAHHHH!

  • ( crash )

  • ( overlapping chatter )

  • IT'S COMING OUT OF YOUR PAY.

  • ( vehicle approaches )

  • WHASSUP, IDIOT?

  • WHOO!

  • YOU GOT A PRETTY NECK, CARY!

  • THINK I MIGHT HAVE TO SQUEEZE IT

  • IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME WHAT'S ON THAT DRIVE.

  • SORRY I'M LATE, CARY, I JUST--

  • LAW? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

  • ( Law groaning )

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH YOU?

  • DON'T HURT HIM, SHANE!

  • WAIT, WHY IS SHOTBOT STILL HERE?

  • IT'S NOT SHOTBOT, YOU IDIOT, IT'S MY SMOKING HOT GIRLFRIEND!

  • GIRLFRIEND?

  • GIRLFRIEND? NO! NO! NO!

  • I MEAN, YOU KNOW THAT'S SHOTBOT, RIGHT?

  • I MEAN, YOU JUST DO. YOU HAVE TO.

  • I MEAN, LOOK.

  • NO. NO!

  • THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

  • NO, I... I DON'T ACCEPT THIS.

  • I MEAN, THAT IS SO A ROBOT...

  • IT'S JUST... YOU...

  • YOU MET HIM, ON "PWNZWN."

  • IT'S JUST... WHAT? WOW!

  • I JUST...

  • I CAN'T... YOU GUYS?

  • YOU GUYS, JUST TAKE HIM AWAY.

  • YOU!

  • YOU USED ME FOR A STORY! I TRUSTED YOU!

  • LAW, I CAN EXPLAIN!

  • I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

  • GUYS, LET'S GO.

  • I HATE YOU, SHOTBOT!

  • I HATE YOU!

  • YEAH, DUCHESS THOUGHT SHE HAD IT IN THE BAG,

  • AND THEN, BAM, I TURNED ON THE BLOOD ELEVATOR.

  • AND THE SPOOKIEST GINGERBREAD HOUSE GOES TO...

  • JENNY MATRIX!

  • MMM!

  • ( happy shrieks )

  • UM...

  • I'M GUESSING YOU FORGOT THE CIDER?

  • IF BY "FORGOT CIDER,"

  • YOU MEAN RULED LEETMAS DAY LIKE A YULETIDE GODDESS,

  • THEN, YES, I FORGOT THE CIDER.

  • SORRY ABOUT THAT.

  • NO, NO, NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • IT'S FINE, 'CAUSE WE DON'T NEED CIDER.

  • WE DON'T NEED PIE.

  • WE DON'T NEED... WAIT, WHERE'S TED?

  • RIGHT HERE, DUDE.

  • DUDE, YOU'RE EATING A BURGER?

  • I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SHOWER.

  • I DID. BUT THEN ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER, AND...

  • GIMME.

  • ANYWAY, LET'S CHOW.

  • DUDE, WHERE'S THE POTATO SALAD?

  • SORRY, DUDE, NO SALAD.

  • BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • AT LEAST WE'RE ALL HERE TOGETHER, RIGHT?

  • YEAH, I GUESS.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S JUST ENJOY THIS PERFECT TURKEY.

  • MERRY LEETMAS, GUYS.

  • MANGIA.

  • HMM?

  • THE SALT. THERE'S NO SALT.

  • I FORGOT THE SALT. MY BRIAN.

  • I'M SURE IT'S FINE, BRIAN.

  • A LOW-SODIUM DIET IS A GOOD THING.

  • INSTEAD OF SALT, WE COULD USE--

  • YOU KNOW WHAT, KI, JUST STOP, OKAY?

  • THERE'S SALT IN BRIAN.

  • BRIAN HAS SALT. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. THE END.

  • OH, DO YOU WANT SOME OF MY BURGER?

  • NO, TED,

  • I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR BURGER.

  • I ASKED FOR ONE THING, TO COOK YOU GUYS DINNER.

  • THAT'S IT. IS THAT TOO MUCH?

  • BUT NO, INSTEAD IT'S, "COME TO MY RACE, BRIAN.

  • "DANCE WITH ME, BRIAN.

  • LET'S HAVE DESSERT BEFORE DINNER, BRIAN."

  • AND I ASK FOR WHAT?

  • CIDER? PIE? NOT TO DESTROY MY BOOTH,

  • WHICH I HAVE TO PAY FOR, BY THE WAY.

  • I CAN'T AFFORD TUITION. I CAN'T BE SEEN WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

  • - BRIAN! - AND I DON'T ASK FOR CRAP...

  • ...FROM ANY OF YOU!

  • WAIT, YOU TWO ARE DATING?

  • WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

  • WOW, TED, BE MORE NEEDY.

  • MAKE THIS MORE ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE THE MOST SELFISH--

  • OKAY, BRIAN, LET'S GO.

  • NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S FINE. FORGET IT.

  • ENJOY YOUR BURGER.

  • SORRY I'M LATE.

  • I BROUGHT YAMS.

  • ( dish clatters )

  • YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER.

  • SO... IS HE SERIOUS ABOUT THAT?

  • 'CAUSE I'D BE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.

  • ( indistinct muttering )

  • Shane: EVERYBODY! MERRY LEETMAS!

  • MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

  • THE RTS TEAM IS PROUD TO PRESENT FOR YOUR DUNKING PLEASURE

  • THE ONE, THE ONLY--

  • THANK GOD FOR THAT--

  • THE LAW!

  • ( jeers and shouts )

  • THAT'S RIGHT.

  • TAKE ON THE LAW IN THE ONE GAME

  • HE CAN'T CHEAT HIS WAY OUT OF.

  • ONE GOOD THROW IS ALL THAT STANDS BETWEEN THIS SCUMBAG

  • AND 200 GALLONS OF ICE-COLD WATER.

  • ( gasping )

  • SO SHOW HIM HOW YOU FEEL, VGHS!

  • ( jeers and shouts )

  • WAS THIS YOUR MASTER PLAN, SHANE?

  • GET MY UNDERPANTS SOGGY?

  • OH, LAW.

  • MY MASTER PLAN IS REAL ESTATE IN BARBADOS.

  • THIS IS JUST FUNNY. ( chuckling )

  • ISN'T IT IRONIC?

  • THEIR MISPLACED HATRED OF YOU,

  • BASED ON A LIE,

  • IS GONNA DESTROY THE ONLY EVIDENCE OF THE TRUTH.

  • OH! ( chuckles )

  • IT'S IRONIC, RIGHT?

  • I DON'T KNOW, I JUST KIND OF THROW THAT WORD AROUND.

  • - ( cellphone buzzing ) - OH!

  • HEYO!

  • HEY, IT'S REGGIE.

  • HE'S MY BROKER.

  • I JUST MADE A HUNDRED GRAND.

  • WE'RE GONNA GO GET OYSTERS.

  • ME AND REG.

  • BUT... HAVE FUN HERE.

  • All: DOWN WITH THE LAW! DOWN WITH THE LAW!

  • SHOTTY! GREAT NEWS.

  • "PWNZWN" WANTS YOU BACK.

  • YOU GOING UNDERCOVER AS A STUDENT WENT MEGAVIRAL.

  • I GOT MY JOB BACK, BUT I FAILED.

  • I DIDN'T GET MY HUMAN STORY.

  • WHO CARES? YOU'RE A HIT.

  • SCOTT, WHEN THOSE GUARDS WERE SENT TO DEACTIVATE ME,

  • YOU FOUGHT FOR ME.

  • IS THAT BECAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT ME?

  • YEAH, YOU BIG GREEN GOOF! NOW, GET IN!

  • WAIT A SEC, I KIND OF LIVE IN HERE.

  • ( objects clatter )

  • OHH!

  • ( clears throat )

  • ( sighs ) I KNOW.

  • I'M CLEANING IT UP, ALL RIGHT?

  • YEAH, GOOD JOB.

  • SO... PRETTY EPIC BLOWUP BACK THERE.

  • YEP.

  • I'M A JERK. I GET IT.

  • LOOK, KID, FIRST...

  • GET UP, 'CAUSE YOU'RE LYING IN EGGNOG.

  • SECOND, YOU'RE NOT A JERK.

  • BELIEVE ME, MY KID'S A JERK, LIKE, HARDCORE.

  • YOU JUST SNAPPED.

  • LISTEN...

  • TAKE TOMORROW OFF.

  • WELL, I MEAN, FINISH CLEANING THIS UP,

  • AND CONSIDER THAT EVEN FOR THE YAMS.

  • I REALLY SCREWED UP, DIDN'T I?

  • I DON'T THINK I COULD FIX THIS.

  • YOU MADE A MISTAKE. YOU'RE A GOOD KID.

  • NOW, STOP CUE-CUING ABOUT IT AND GO APOLOGIZE.

  • Jenny: BRIAN!

  • I MEAN, CLEAN THIS UP, BRIAN!

  • YOU'RE BEING LAZY!

  • MERRY LEETMAS, CALHOUN!

  • GO TO HELL, BRIAN!

  • HEY, GUYS.

  • UH...

  • ABOUT BEFORE. I'M SORRY.

  • IT'S OKAY.

  • NO, IT'S NOT.

  • I NEED TO BE ABLE TO OPEN UP TO YOU. I JUST...

  • ...HATE FEELING LIKE A BURDEN.

  • Ki: OHH.

  • Ki: OH!

  • WE BROUGHT MOPS.

  • AND MORE PIE.

  • WE'RE GONNA HELP YOU CLEAN.

  • OKAY, BRIAN, YOU START BY EATING THAT PIE.

  • JENNY AND I WILL TACKLE THE NOG.

  • TED, DISMANTLE THE BOOTH?

  • TED...

  • HEY.

  • WE'RE COOL.

  • YEAH.

  • HOW ABOUT I GET YOU SOME SODA

  • TO WASH DOWN THAT PIE?

  • ALL RIGHT. THANKS, BUDDY.

  • ( crowd shouting )

  • THIS IS WHEN IT HAPPENS! THIS IS WHEN IT HAPPENS!

  • AMAZING GRACE

  • HOW SWEET THE SOUND

  • ShotBot: LAW!

  • HANG ON! I'M COMING!

  • HOW DO I GET YOU OUT OF HERE?

  • YOU CAN'T.

  • WE BOTH KNOW THESE PYTHONS WON'T HOLD.

  • I'M SORRY I LIED.

  • IF YOU KNEW I WAS A ROBOT, YOU'D NEVER LIKE ME.

  • OH, SHOTBOT, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

  • I DIDN'T LIKE YOU FOR YOUR SMOKIN' LOOKS.

  • I LIKED YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE RAD.

  • NOW GET OUT OF HERE WITH THOSE BEDROOM EYES.

  • I CAN'T STAND YOU TO SEE ME LIKE THIS.

  • NOT UNTIL I FINISH MY STORY.

  • HERE'S THE FIRST DRAFT.

  • BOT MEETS BOY!

  • WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

  • BOT FALLS FOR BOY.

  • YOU IDIOT! THE WATER WILL KILL YOU!

  • BOT HURTS BOY.

  • WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP!

  • AND NOW... I'M SORRY, LAW, BUT BOY LOSES BOT.

  • DON'T DO IT!

  • NO!

  • LAW.

  • ( speaking Japanese )

  • ( laughs softly )

  • ( gasps ) NO!

  • GOOD NIGHT...

  • ...SWEET BOT.

  • ( powering down )

  • THIS ROBOT...

  • WAS THE GREATEST JOURNALIST

  • THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN.

  • WHO AMONG YOU...

  • ...WILL HONOR HIM?

  • I WILL.

  • MY MAN.

  • ( trilling and whirring )

  • MY GOD. THE LAW DIDN'T CHEAT AFTER ALL.

  • HE WAS FRAMED!

  • - BY WHO? - I DON'T KNOW.

  • THOSE FILES GOT WET.

  • ( overlapping awed chatter )

  • ( indistinct happy chatter )

AND THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD BE... CAREFUL!

Subtitles and vocabulary

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