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  • So the film is called Iron Mind.

  • Anyone can watch it on our website and I basically hijacked you and put you in the movie based on our last interview.

  • I was terribly upset by that.

  • So thank you for that.

  • I really appreciate it.

  • And for people that don't know the movie, you know from, from a bird's eye perspective is about a guest coming on the show, john joseph lead singer, the Cro Mags, 56 year old former punk rocker, former harry krishna vegan who is now doing Ironman Race.

  • Yeah, former addict, former addict job and yes, sexually abused child.

  • A lot of formers and then 10 Iron Iron Man, full Ironman races, which is double the race that I went to.

  • 12 hour races under his belt.

  • Comes to my studio, Basically gets me to go back to New York because he feels there's some unfinished business with me there and then challenges me to run an ironman race.

  • Run, swimming bicycle.

  • Yeah, the yeah, the bike run and bikes, yeah, swim bike and run, which is like a six hour affair in 90 days.

  • And then I wish the trainer tells you, it usually takes a year to prepare for correct and you're going to do it in 90 days.

  • Yeah, so it was quite a challenge.

  • And yeah, we go through this, this whole piece and while I'm training in New York City, I just, these demons kind of come out and you know that that all happened.

  • I remember I was on that bike, You can't say there's a part of the sequence where I'm training on a bike and I go really to a state of physical exhaustion and I was actually crying on that bike.

  • It looks like I'm sweating and I was crying and my whole crew freaked out.

  • They've never seen me cry before, and I was literally kind of falling apart while I was there in new york and I was in these village where I was first offered heroin and I lived in this heroin addiction.

  • And the interview we use is of me and and you um talking on the surface about my alcoholism, but there was also a heroin addiction mixed in there.

  • Um but still uh and so the movie addresses those issues and then there's a part where you come in where we do what you do with your work and we say, okay, uh most people would say, oh, you had the problem and now you got over it and we go deeper and say, okay, let's go back to the trauma.

  • And so we visit my trauma and briefly talk that way.

  • If I make a comment here.

  • Yeah, it's something in the film you say to john um you have much migrated from it than I did and I thought, uh because there's no comparing traumas.

  • And let me ask you this question, how old were you in?

  • I think you were five or 7 when you're conscious of having experienced trauma.

  • Is that right?

  • Seven was the divorce event itself?

  • Fair enough.

  • So it's at that time.

  • Yeah.

  • Let's take your Children, hold is the oldest 12 years old, 2.5 to, well let's say he's five years old and let's say you and his mother are getting divorced.

  • But before the divorce, there's a lot of tension and stress and strain in the home and your five year old comes to you and says daddy, I'm so unhappy and I'm so stressed and I'm so sad and I'm so scared and I'm so angry because you guys are fighting.

  • Would you say to him, you think this is bad?

  • Think about the trauma that john joseph went through a music it when he was sexually abused.

  • Would you say that to your five year old?

  • No, I wouldn't say that to him.

  • Why would you say to him?

  • Because, well, because he wouldn't understand that he's living in his world and in his world, this is a traumatic event because we totally uncompassionate to say it.

  • But you say it to yourself in the film, you say to yourself.

  • So I start brian you're comparing traumas, which is inherently unfair to you.

  • You can't compare traumas, each person trauma is their own and the pain is real.

  • And so and to say that somebody else is greater, pain is utterly meaningless and we would never do to other people.

  • We only do it to ourselves anyway.

  • Sorry, the job, I appreciate that.

  • And when I wrote, I wrote an email because we put this out in a weekly video series as well.

  • And I think I forbid you that third part where we just came clean about the heroin.

  • And then I wrote I said finally wrote the story about my shameful past and you watch the show and I really appreciate you wrote back and he said, I disagree about it's shameful and that was really powerful moment for you to say that and I appreciate that.

  • And if that was all really hard emailed the right, um I actually, you know, I this happened in new york, I hadn't told my wife about it, came back, we made the episode and then I showed it to her at home.

  • It's the first time she ever heard about this for me.

  • And then I said, maybe I have to send this email out and she's just like tell the world, tell him everything.

  • So I wrote this like, yeah, she's good.

  • So it's like three days on email.

  • And it's it's been it's been one of the greatest things I've ever done.

  • And I never thought that this deep dark black hole of my life would ever have any positive meaning ever.

  • I always thought it was just this really bad time and it will always be this dark hole.

  • But like now it's actually this amazing source of light.

  • Well.

  • And your friend john says that in the film, I think at some point you said something about the addiction.

  • I mean all this, all this suffering has been a great gift because he's learned so much from it.

  • Yeah.

  • You know, I was speaking of woman today to a journalist here in London, she had breast cancer and she said that was the greatest gift she had.

  • No, I don't recommend heroin addiction or best consider anybody.

  • It's only that when they happen and then we work our way through them.

  • We actually get the gift of what they're here to teach us the truth about ourselves and the truth.

  • That light is the greatest gift there is.

  • Mhm.

  • Yeah.

  • Mhm.

  • Mhm.

  • Mhm.

  • Mhm.

  • Yeah.

  • Mhm.

  • Yeah.

  • Mhm.

  • Yeah.

So the film is called Iron Mind.

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/05/12
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