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  • In theory, there are only four styles of parenting.

  • Authoritarian parents are controlling and demand obedience without considering the child's

  • point of view.

  • Permissive parents are loving, but don't exert any control.

  • There are no rules.

  • Authoritative parents who are firm but loving.

  • They encourage independence, within limits.

  • Neglecting parents are uninvolved and often uninterested in their own child.

  • Recently a 5th style was proposed, but we will come back to that later.

  • The styles range from controlling and demanding, to complete freedom; and from cold and unresponsive

  • to loving and receptive.

  • Each, authoritative, permissive, authoritarian and neglectful parents, have their place.

  • To understand what it means to grow up with parents from each end of the spectrum, we

  • can imagine the lives of four children.

  • Sara's parents are Authoritarian.

  • They love their girl, but they believe that strict rules are important to make Sara become

  • well behaved and fit into the society.

  • If Sara cries, she's told to stop.

  • If she talks back, she is sent to the corner for timeout.

  • If she forgets to take care of her chores around the house, she is not allowed to play

  • with her toys.

  • Sara learns that suppressing her emotions and following her duties is the way to get

  • through the day.

  • To get the love of her parents, and to avoid making them upset, she becomes obedient.

  • However, because Sara was never allowed to decide for herself or follow her intrinsic

  • interests, as an adult, she doesn't know what she really wants.

  • She begins living a life that seems perfect to her parents and society, but might leave

  • her unhappy on the inside.

  • Permissive parents , like those of Peter, love their little boy so much that they believe

  • they should fulfill all his wishes, give him full freedom and never sayno”.

  • Peter enjoys full control over his parents and gets whatever he wants.

  • If he doesn't want to walk, he'll be carried.

  • If he wants ice-cream, ice-cream he gets.

  • If he wants to play games, he'll be playing them all night.

  • Peter grows up completely without borders and does whatever he thinks is right.

  • He never coped with conflict and he did not learn to control his emotions.

  • The fact that he always got what he wanted made him a bad loser.

  • As he grows older he often acts inconsiderate and doesn't know his limits.

  • Arthur's Authoritative parents respect their child's needs, but believe that kids need

  • freedom within certain limits.

  • Arthur can freely play, but when he's done, he needs to help tidy up.

  • He is allowed to eat ice cream, but only on Sundays.

  • Screen-time is limited to 30 minutes a day.

  • There may be conflict, but the parents listen to what Arthur has to say and then lay down

  • the rules.

  • However, they don't give in, nor do they use rewards or punishments.

  • Arthur learns that some things are difficult, but his parents give him all the support he

  • needs to get through it.

  • He develops the strength to endure hardships and to continue following his interests and

  • passions.

  • In class he bravely expresses his own opinions in an appropriate manner.

  • During breaks he can show his emotions and act freely.

  • As an adult he agrees to rules only after they have been discussed and he feels like

  • he understands them.

  • Neglectful parents are usually not present in their children's life.

  • Nora often feels completely alone in the world.

  • She experiences full freedom to do anything she wants to and has plenty of imagination

  • , but she never receives any feedback, affection, love or even attention.

  • Nora realizes that it doesn't matter what she does, because no one cares anyway.

  • The lack of attention, leads to a lack of trust in herself and others.

  • She becomes insecurely attached, unable to form healthy relationships and develops a

  • negative image of herself.

  • To stop feeling unworthy of love , she tries not to feel anything at all.

  • In recent years, over-Involved parents, who are present in every aspect of their child's

  • life, are often referred to as the 5th style.

  • These parents are also known as 'snow plows', removing obstacles out of their kids' path,

  • or 'helicopter' parents, who hover about and micro-manage every aspect of their child's

  • life.

  • Since they won't let their children do anything alone, the children can't learn to overcome

  • challenges by themselves.

  • Research infers that these children don't like to solve difficult problems , lack perseverance

  • and may even procrastinate in protest when something requires a lot of effort.

  • Since most research on parenting is based on self-reports and was done in the US and

  • Europe, it is not clear how strong the observed effects will hold up in controlled observational

  • experiments or in other parts of the word.

  • The four parenting styles were first introduced by Psychologist Diana Baumrind.

  • For good parenting she advised: “balance of demandingness and responsiveness".

  • Add to that the wise words of Maria Montessori toNever help a child with a task at which

  • he feels he can succeed.”

  • and parents should probably do pretty well.

  • What do you think?

  • Should parents resort to a specific style or should they decide what's best to do in

  • a given situationas long as they don't neglect or abuse their child.

  • To download this video without background music and learn more about the topic, visit

  • sproutsschools.com

  • For a free masterclass on attachment parenting, see the link in the descriptions below.

In theory, there are only four styles of parenting.

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5 Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Life

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    Summer posted on 2021/04/30
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