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  • Thanks for being with me in your living room or wherever

  • you are.

  • I appreciate it.

  • Thanks for the smiles.

  • How is everybody's weekend?

  • Had a good weekend, everybody?

  • Good to hear that.

  • Anybody else have to rush their wife to the emergency room

  • for an appendectomy, anybody?

  • No, just me.

  • So here's what happened.

  • So it started on Friday, in the evening around 7:30.

  • And I had just tried one of those relaxing drinks.

  • They're cold CAN, C-A-N. I don't know if anybody's

  • heard of this, but it's mostly CBD with a teeny tiny

  • 2 milligrams of THC.

  • And I learned about it, Chelsea Handler told me about them.

  • So it was only a matter of time till I was topless.

  • Anyway, she said these things are amazing.

  • They help you relax.

  • So I'm sitting there watching TV with Portia.

  • And Portia said I'm not feeling well I want to go to bed

  • and it was like 8 o'clock.

  • That's early.

  • I'm not used to going to bed that early.

  • We go to bed around 8:30.

  • So I'm like, OK, well I'm not going

  • to just lay awake if you're not feeling well I want to sleep.

  • So I took these two sleep vitamins

  • that I take every single night.

  • And I tell you I've always had problems

  • sleeping if you've had problems sleeping.

  • It's a vitamin called Rae, R-A-E.

  • And they're just sleep vitamins works better

  • than anything I've ever had.

  • So I take these two sleep vitamins

  • and it's over the counter, it's safe.

  • And anyway it's about now 8:15 because I've done my steps.

  • So I'm laying in bed and I'm like conking out

  • just like so like ready to sleep and I hear something

  • and I look over to Portia is not in bed next to me.

  • And I call out are you OK?

  • And I here.

  • And I said baby are you OK?

  • So then I get out of bed and I find Portia on the floor

  • on all fours.

  • And I'm like, baby are you OK.

  • And she's like.

  • Yeah, I'm OK, I said, ''Well you're OK,

  • if you're playing twister by yourself, but you're not OK,

  • you're on the floor'' Anyway so I rushed to the ER.

  • And we're driving and she's in so much pain

  • and I'm worried about her.

  • And I don't know what's wrong with her because as you know,

  • I grew up Christian Science.

  • So my best guess was a demon?

  • I don't know.

  • So anyway they gave her a CT scan.

  • And I didn't know what that was.

  • They said CAT scan.

  • And I thought let's leave the cat out of this.

  • So anyway, they do the CT scan they still weren't sure

  • because there was a lot going on of inflammation.

  • So then said we have to admit her to the hospital

  • and they won't let me stay because of COVID.

  • And so that's upsetting to me.

  • They sent me home and I'm crying because someone was chopping

  • onions at the nurses station.

  • And the next morning they call and they said,

  • it's the appendix.

  • We have to take the appendix out.

  • And I'm Christian Science so I said to the doctor,

  • ''Because of the demon?'' The appendix had the demon.

  • Anyway they hung up.

  • So later that day Portia and I were texting

  • and she's out of surgery but she was in a lot of pain.

  • And she's hooked up to an IV and they're giving her pain meds.

  • And she said, she was still in so much pain

  • she was asking the nurse to please give her more

  • and the nurse wouldn't because they said

  • the doctor has to approve it.

  • So she now is bargaining.

  • She said in exchange for pain meds

  • I'll give you tickets to Ellen's show.

  • And the nurses like I'm sorry I can't do that.

  • And so then she opted to 12-days tickets.

  • Anyway still wouldn't do it because that's the rules.

  • I am happy to report Portia is feeling much better now.

  • She's home, she came home late yesterday not all of her.

  • She left her appendix at the hospital.

  • No, the appendix.

  • I'm going to auction off the appendix for charity.

  • I'm kidding, it's going to go on eBay.

  • I'm kidding again.

  • I'm saving it, in case I write another book because I'll

  • put it at the end of the book.

  • The appendix you get it.

  • It would just be one book I guess.

Thanks for being with me in your living room or wherever

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A2 US TheEllenShow portia appendix bed pain sleep

Ellen Discusses Portia’s Emergency Appendectomy

  • 23 0
    kuma posted on 2021/04/27
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