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  • >> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE A SLATE SHOW,

  • I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

  • YOU MIGHT THINK I HAVE A PET IN MY STEP, I FEEL YOUNG AGAIN

  • BECAUSE RUSSIA AND MARK ARE BACK TO BEING ENEMIES, SOMEONE DUST

  • OFF DOLPH HUNDRED GREND AND GET HIM HUNTING FOR RED OCTOBER

  • BECAUSE THE COLD WAR IS BACK ON THIS TIME WE WILL WATER BOARD

  • BILLY YOAL UNTIL HE TELLS US WHO STARTED THE FIRE, THE LATEST

  • TENSIONS STARTED WHEN RUSSIA MED ELED IN THE 2016 ELECTIONS AND

  • GAVE US ALL WHAT HIS NAME BUT THERE IS A NEW OLD SHER NIF TOWN

  • AND HE IS NO FAN OF VLADIMIR PUTIN.

  • AS HE MADE CLEAR TO GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS.

  • >> SO YOU KNOW VLADIMIR PUTIN, YOU THINK HE IS A KILLER.

  • >> UH-HUH, I DO.

  • >> THAT QUESTION IS SO EASY IT SHOULD BE ON A COGNITIVE TEST.

  • PERSON, WOMAN, MAN PUTIN KILLED THEM ALL ON CAMERA, TV.

  • BUT IT IS A HUGE CHANGE IN U.S.

  • FOREIGN POLICY CONSIDERING HOW THE PREVIOUS GUY ANSWERED THE

  • SAME QUESTION WHEN HE WAS INTERVIEWED BY A SEX OFFENDER.

  • >> PUTIN IS A KILLER.

  • >> THERE ARE A LOT OF KILLERS, A LOT OF KILLERS.

  • YOU THINK OUR COUNTRY IS SO INNOCENT.

  • >> Stephen: MIGHT SEEM LIKE A WEIRD WAY TO STAND UP FOR THE

  • RUSSKYS BUT WE ALL REMEMBER REAGAN AT THE BERLIN WALL.

  • >> MR. GORBACHEV, I ONCE STRANGE ELED A DRIFTER.

  • >> EVIDENTLY PUTIN WASN'T THRILLED WITH BIDEN'S KILLER

  • COMMENTS BECAUSE LAST NIGHT RUSSIA RECALLED ITS AMBASSADOR

  • TO THE UNITED STATES, WHAT?

  • WHY, WHAT ARE THEY UPSET ABOUT.

  • PUTIN IS NAM US FOR BEING A KILLER TRK IS KIND OF HIS THING,

  • ALONG WITH HORSES AND NIPPLES, PUTIN HAS POISONED INSPECTOR

  • SUSHI, THROWN JOURNALISTS OUT OF WINDOWS TRIED TO ASSASSINATE HIS

  • MOST VOCAL CRITIC ALEXEI NAVALNY BUT PUTTING THE LETHAL NERVE

  • AGENT NOVICHOK IN HIS UNDERPANTS, A THE CRIME SHOW

  • MURDERED.

  • HE KILLED SO MANY PEOPLE THAT IN 2017 "THE WASHINGTON POST" WAS

  • ABLE TO PUBLISH A LIST OF TEN CRITICS OF VLADIMIR PUTIN WHO

  • DIED VIOLENTLY OR IN SUSPICIOUS WAYS.

  • HIS GREATEST HITS ARE HITS.

  • PUTIN DISMISSED BIDEN'S ACCUSATIONS TELLING REPORTERS IT

  • TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE SO A, HE IS ADMITTING THAT HE IS A

  • KILLER, B, NO, IT DOESN'T.

  • IF A COP CATCHES YOU STANDING OVER A DEAD BODY HOLDING A

  • BLOODY KNIFE HE DOESN'T SAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHO DID IT BECAUSE

  • I HAVE NEVER STABBED ANYONE.

  • PUTIN WENT ON WHEN I WAS A CHILD, WHEN WE ARGUED IN THE

  • COURTYARD WE SAID THE FOLLOWING.

  • IF YOU CALL SOMEONE NAME, THAT IS REALLY YOUR NAME.

  • IT LOSES SOMETHING IN ENGLISH.

  • THE ORIGINAL RUSSIAN TRANSLATES AS I AM RUBBER, I WILL TURN YOU

  • INTO GLUE.

  • PUTIN CONTINUES TO BELABOR THE POINT SAYING THAT EVERY STATE

  • HAD TO CONTENT WITH BLOODY EVENTS AND THAT IF BIDEN WAS

  • ACCUSING THE RUSSIAN LEADER OF SOMETHING HE WAS GUILTY OF

  • HIMSELF.

  • YEAH WE ALL REMEMBER WHEN BIDEN LOST IOWA, HE PUSHED PETE

  • BUTTIGIEG IN FRONT OF A TRAIN.

  • TRUMP THE MOST CHILLING MOMENT AS WHEN HE SAID IF HE HAD A

  • MESSAGE FOR BIDEN.

  • >> I WOULD WISH HIM GOOD HEALTH.

  • >> THAT IS MOM I NOWS BUT THEN AGAIN WHEN PUTIN SAYS ANYTHING,

  • IT KIND OF SOUNDS OMINOUS.

  • WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SUNSET.

  • THIS IS A MOST DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE MOUSSE I HAVE EVER

  • TASTED.

  • UPTOWN FUNK IS GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOU.

  • DON'T BELIEVE ME?

  • JUST WATCH.

  • RUSSIA MAY BE UPSET THAT BIDEN IS NOT BACKING DOWN AS WHITE

  • HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY GENERAL PSAKI EXPLAINS.

  • >> DOES PRESIDENT BIDEN REGRET CALLING VLADIMIR PUTIN A KILLER?

  • >> NO THE PRESIDENT GAVE A DIRECT ANSWER TO A DIRECT

  • QUESTION.

  • >> Stephen: I CALL IT LIKE I SEE IT, JACK, PUTIN IS A CURL,

  • BARACK IS MY BED BEST BUD, JILL IS THE HOTTEST TEACH IN

  • TOWRNTION AND EVERYONE ELSE CALLED JACK, COME ON JACK.

  • OF COURSE MURDERING PEOPLE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE PUTIN CRIME

  • BURST, IN ADDITION TO INTERFERING IN THE 2016

  • ELECTIONS RUSSIA HAS ALSO HACKED THE U.S. GOVERNMENT COMPUTER

  • SYSTEM AND PUT A BOUNTY ON U.S.

  • TROOPS IN AFGHANISTAN AND THIS WEEK THE DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL

  • INTELLIGENCE DECLASSIFIED A REPORT ON THE 2020 ELECTION

  • ESTABLISHING THAT PUTIN THORDZ INFLUENCE OPERATIONS TO HELP THE

  • FORMER PRESIDENT.

  • WELL, DUH VIDANYA.

  • THAT IT IS THE EASIEST GAME OF CLUE EVER.

  • IT WAS MR. PUTIN WITH THE FOX NEWS IN YOUR GRANDPA'S DEN.

  • ALL THAT RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION HELPED LEAD TO THE INSURRECTION

  • IN WHICH 100 CAPITOL POLICE WERE INJURED AND ONE DIED.

  • YESTERDAY TO HONOR THEIR SERVICE ON THAT TERRIBLE DAY, THE HOUSE

  • VOTED TO AWARD CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDALS TO THE CAPITOL

  • POLICE T WAS A RARE BIPARTISAN VOTE TO HONOR THE MACHINE AND

  • WOMEN WHO PROJECTED OUR DEMOCRACY.

  • NOBODY SHOULD OPPOSE THAT EXCEPT FOR THE 12 REPUBLICANS WHO

  • OPPOSED THAT.

  • HERE THEY ARE.

  • A GROUP OF SUPERVILANS KNOWN AS THE LEGION OF DUMB.

  • THE REPUBLICANS WHO VOTED AGAINST THE MEASURE CLAIMED THEY

  • DID SO BECAUSE THEY OBJECTED TO THE TERM INSURRECTIONISTS TO

  • DESCRIBE THE CAPITOL RIOTERS, OKAY, YOU DON'T LIKE INSURANCE

  • SUR EKSZIST-- RES HOW ABOUT NECK BIERD FASCIST NEO CONFEDERATE

  • TINY PENIS TREE STON-- TREASON HUMPERS, THE MOB CAME TO KILL

  • THEM AND NOW THEY ARE WORRIED THAT CALLING THEM

  • INSURRECTIONISTS MIGHT SHUTTER THEIR FEELING, I'M SAYING WE

  • DON'T WANT TO ALL YENT OUR MOST LOYAL VOTING DEMOS, THIS, THE

  • ONE REPUBLICA WHO HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE PHRASING OF THE

  • RESOLUTION WAS FLORIDA REPRESENTATIVE AND COVER MODEL

  • FOR MOUTH BREATHERS MONTHLY, MATT GAETZ, AFTER THE VOTE HE

  • COMPLAINED ABOUT THE RESOLUTION BECAUSE IT CONTAINED WHAT HE

  • CALLED EDITORIAL COMMENTS ABOUT THE JANUARY 6th SCWENS OF

  • EVENTS, REALLY, YOU ARE GOING TO REFER TO THE CAPITOL RIOT AS A

  • SEQUENCE OF EVENTS.

  • A NUMBER OF INDIVIDUALS WERE PRESENT SPEAKING AT A SPECIFIC

  • VOLUME, SUGGESTING TO SUSPEND ONE PARTICULAR OFFICIAL SOME

  • DISTANCE FROM THE GROUND BY A PART OF HIS BODY BETWEEN HIS

  • HEAD AND TORSO.

  • AND SURFACES OF THE ROTUNDA WERE SMEARED WITH A SERIES OF FLUIDS.

  • REPUBLICANS EVEN OFFERED AN ALTERNATIVE RESOLUTION

  • INTRODUCED BY TEXAS REPRESENTATIVE AND BABY WHO JUST

  • SAW YOUR CAR KEYS LOUIS GOHMERT, ONLY THING IS HIS BILL HONORING

  • CAPITOL POLICE MADE NO MENTION OF THE EVENTS OF JANUARY

  • 6th.

  • YEAH, WHO NEEDS SPECIFIC DETAILS WHEN TALKING ABOUT HISTORY.

  • LIKE FDR SAID.

  • >> DECEMBER 7th, WELL, SOMEWHERE AROUND THEN, I'M

  • PRETTY SURE IT WAS WINTER BUT ANY WHO, THAT IS A PART OF THE

  • CALENDER THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY.

  • WHY YOU ASK?

  • NO REASON.

  • >> LATE YESTERDAY DOWN IN ATLANTA OFFICIALS CHARGES WERE

  • BROUGHT AGAINST THE GUNMAN WHO SHOT AND KILLED EIGHT PEOPLE ON

  • TUESDAY.

  • AND WHAT REALLY LOOKED TO BE AN ATTACK TARGETED AGAINST ASIAN

  • AMERICANS.

  • THIS HORRIFYING ACT OF SENSELESS VIOLENCE IS ONCE AGAIN SHOCKED

  • THE NATION.

  • AND LEAD TO A CALL TO RECOGNIZE AND END GROWING ANTI-ASIAN

  • RACISM IN AMERICA.

  • ONE PERSON NOT LEADING KAL CA THAT CALL LOCAL ATLANTA POLIT

  • CAPTAIN AND NO NONSENSE BOWLING PIN JAY BAKER, HE HELD A PRESS

  • CONFERENCE TO INFORM THE PUBLIC ABOUT THE ONGOING INVESTIGATION

  • AND WHEN A REPORTER ASKED HIM WHETHER THERE THEY WERE TREATING

  • THE MURDER SPREE AS A HATE CRIME, HE HAD A QUESTIONABLE

  • ANSWER ABOUT THE KILLER.

  • >> HE CLAIMS THAT THESE, ASS CHIEF SAID, IT IS STILL EARLY

  • BUT HE DOES CLAIM IT WAS NOT RACIALLY MOTIVATED.

  • >> Stephen: WELL, THERE IT IS.

  • HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO DRINK TONIGHT SIR.

  • NO, WELL, IT IS STILL EARLY BUT HERE IS YOUR LICENSE.

  • GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

  • NOW LET'S GET YOU BACK ON THAT FREEWAY, DON'T SWERVE TOO MUCH,

  • YOU MIGHT SPILL YOUR DRIVING WINE.

  • AFTER STATING THE FACTS OF THE CASE HE WENT ON TO STATE HIS,

  • GONNA SAY THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER.

  • >> HE UNDERSTOOD THE GRAVITY OF IT.

  • AND HE WAS PRETTY MUCH FED UP AND AT THE END OF HIS ROPE.

  • AND YESTERDAY WAS A REALLY BAD DAY FOR HIM.

  • AND THIS IS WHAT HE DID.

  • >> Stephen: I'M NOT SURE WHAT HE INTENDED BY SAYING THAT BUT

  • IT REALLY SOUNDS WEIRD TO TALK ABOUT A MURDERER BEING FED UP ON

  • A BAD DAY.

  • I DON'T REMEMBER THIS HEADLINE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE "L.A.

  • TIMES."

  • CHARLES MANSON GETS UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED.

  • IT GETS WORSE.

  • AFTER THAT PRESS CONFERENCE SOME FOLKS FOUND FACEBOOK POSTS FROM

  • LAST YEAR BY CAPTAIN BAKER IN WHICH HE PROMOTED SALES OF AN

  • ANTI-ASIAN T-SHIRT, HERE IS THE SHIRT.

  • IT IS THE CORONA BEER FONT BUT SAYS COVID-19 IMPORTED FROM

  • CHY-NA.

  • MAYBE THIS ISN'T THE BEST GUY TO BE INFORMING THE PUBLIC ABOUT

  • THIS PARTICULAR INVESTIGATION.

  • WHEN THERE HAS BEEN AN ARSON YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET UPDATES

  • FROM THE GUY KNOWN FOR FLICKING MATCHES AT OILY FLAGS MUTTERING