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  • -Thank you, very much, everyone. Hi!

  • Hello and welcome to "The Tonight Show," everyone.

  • [ Cheers and applause ] Ah, appreciate it.

  • Well, guys, there's so much to talk about.

  • Let's get right to it.

  • Earlier this morning, the nominations were announced

  • for the 93rd Academy Awards.

  • This year's Oscars air on April 25th,

  • two months later than usual,

  • 'cause if anything's good for ratings,

  • it's a four-hour awards show about online movies

  • that came out a year ago.

  • But here's some good news.

  • This year's Oscar nominees are the most diverse ever.

  • [ Cheers and applause ] Yeah.

  • Meanwhile, Golden Globes voters were like,

  • "A lot of our best friends are diverse."

  • This year's nominees are the most diverse,

  • as opposed to the usual Oscar nominees,

  • which look like the crowd at

  • a Steely Dan concert inside a Pinkberry.

  • For the first time ever,

  • two women were nominated for Best Director.

  • That's great.

  • That's great, but also sad to say,

  • "A record number of female directors were nominated, two."

  • The Netflix film "Mank" led the way with 10 nominations.

  • That's basically one nomination for every time

  • you paused "Mank" to check Instagram on your phone.

  • It was a good day for Netflix. They got 35 nominations.

  • It's amazing that the same studio can make

  • a critically acclaimed art-house film like "Mank"

  • and the critically acclaimed art-house show "Floor is Lava."

  • And speaking of awards shows,

  • last night was the Grammy Awards.

  • The big winners of the night were Beyoncé and Taylor Swift,

  • while the big losers were anyone who watched

  • the Cardi B-Megan The Stallion performance with their parents.

  • [ Laughter, rimshot ]

  • Did you guys see the -- If you missed it, here they are.

  • They're on a giant bed. Check this out.

  • -♪ I'm talking WAP, WAP, WAP

  • -Okay, yeah, yeah.

  • It's just a little snippet. Just a little snippet.

  • Anybody who turned on CBS looking for

  • "60 Minutes" immediately pressed their Life Alert button.

  • They're like... [ Gasps ]

  • As soon as he saw that,

  • Young Sheldon's bow tie started spinning.

  • Meanwhile, Dr. Fauci was like,

  • "That's not proper social distancing, but I'll allow it."

  • Look, I get it.

  • Like a lot of Americans this year,

  • they decided to work from bed.

  • Why not?

  • Not only did the performance feature a giant bed,

  • there was also a giant high heel that doubled as a stripper pole.

  • Here is a photo of that there.

  • Do you want to know something even crazier?

  • Joe Biden is using the same thing for his town hall

  • with George Stephanopoulos.

  • And I think that's -- I think that's absolutely wrong.

  • Some sports news.

  • Yesterday was Selection Sunday

  • for the men's college basketball tournament,

  • which means March Madness has begun.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Yep, the tournament is here just in time for to you

  • gamble away your entire stimulus check.

  • Yep, March Madness is that special time of year when

  • we pretend to know the difference between

  • Texas, Texas Tech, Texas Southern, and North Texas.

  • This year, it will be different 'cause instead of the games

  • being played across the country, the entire tournament

  • will take place in Indianapolis.

  • All the players were like, "Well, we're not getting paid,

  • but at least we get to spend a month in Indianapolis."

  • The number-1 seeds this year are

  • Gonzaga, Baylor, Michigan, and Illinois.

  • Yep, Gonzaga is number 1 in basketball

  • and having a name that sounds like an antique car horn.

  • That's right -- half the country thinks Gonzaga

  • will win it all, while the other half thinks Gonzaga

  • is the name of a new vaccine.

  • For the first time since 1995,

  • Duke did not make it to the tournament.

  • The team appealed their decision with a letter that said,

  • "Bro, do you know who our dads are?"

  • Well, guys, yesterday on Fox News, Dr. Fauci

  • urged former President Trump to speak up

  • about the coronavirus vaccine.

  • Listen to this.

  • -He's not out telling people to get vaccinated.

  • I wish he would.

  • He has such incredible influence

  • over people in the Republican Party.

  • It would really be a game changer if he did.

  • -Dr. Fauci, I apologize,

  • but you're not going to get anything done with Trump.

  • If you want to get something done,

  • you got to go through Scott Baio or Lee Greenwood or Deer Man.

  • Honestly, asking Trump to give

  • people medical advice makes me nervous,

  • 'cause you know one day, he's gonna say something, like,

  • crazy, like, "Sour Patch Kids can cure asthma."

  • Oh, wait.

  • I'm being told Trump has now released a video

  • encouraging people to get the vaccine.

  • That's amazing. Can we roll it?

  • -Dear, my supporters, I urge you all

  • to get the vaccine as soon as you're eligible.

  • There are some fantastic, beautiful,

  • great companies that are making these vaccines,

  • companies such as Abracadabra...

  • Modern Family...

  • Bitcoin...

  • P.F. Chang's...

  • I'm in Ohio...

  • November Sucks...

  • Clever Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo...

  • Giovanni Ribisi is a prostitute...

  • and, of course, Scarlet Johansson.

  • -See? At least he's doing it.

  • Well, this is great.

  • On Saturday, world-renowned musician

  • Yo-Yo Ma received his second vaccine dose.

  • But check out what he did while he was waiting.

  • ♪♪

  • Yeah. Cool.

  • At first, people thought it was a Zales commercial

  • playing through the loudspeaker.

  • The guy by the stretcher in the back of him, was like,

  • "Hey, if you're going to play that thing,

  • you'd better be Yo-Yo -- Oh, you are Yo-Yo Ma."

  • Well, this made me laugh.

  • On Fox News, one of the hosts of "The Five"

  • didn't realize he was on the air,

  • and, well, take a look at what happened.

  • -Time now for one more thing.

  • -♪ I gotta pee

  • ♪ I gotta pee

  • -You're on the air.

  • -Greg. -Greg.

  • -I'll take Greg's slot until

  • he has to come back from the bathroom.

  • -And the Grammy for Worst Song goes to...

  • [ Drumroll ]

  • It got worse five seconds later, when he started singing...

  • ♪ I no longer have to pee

  • ♪ I no longer have to pee

  • And, finally, since the pandemic has shut down most airport bars,

  • the Seattle-Tacoma airport is trying out a new concept.

  • Watch this.

  • -Kathy Casey's Shot Bar

  • is an alcoholic option for travelers on the go.

  • Passengers can choose from several different spirits,

  • tequila, vodka, and each serving comes in

  • a little 2-ounce red Solo cup.

  • -It's always a little unnerving when you hear the pilot go,

  • "This is the captain speaking on behalf of [Hiccups]

  • that I just received my fifth shot.

  • ♪ I gotta pee

  • ♪ I gotta pee

-Thank you, very much, everyone. Hi!

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Fauci Calls Out Trump, Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B Rock WAP at Grammys | The Tonight Show

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/03/16
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